The lights flicker on, inside of a high school gymnasium in Mexico City, Mexico. Rambunctious fans swarm around the ringside area, mostly children aged 12-17, all of which recently returning to school, looking to escape the rigors of their harsh, Mexican day.
With the ring in the center of the gymnasium, the cameras soon turn towards the entranceway, where people expect Corey Page to walk out, announcing the newest season of Sin Wrestling. Lex Robinson: Annnnd... we're back! After a nice summer vacation, Sin Wrestling has returned; and at Back to School 4, no less! How was your summer vacation, Steve?
The camera flickers to an overly sun-tanned Steve Hebert, who can barely touch his own peeling skin, due to the pain of it.
Steve Hebert: Shut the hell up.
Lex Robinson: See, folks, that's why you always wear sunscreen. In any event, tonight, we're back; and we've got a great card for you! In tonight's main event, Adora will take on Stevie Swing, who is coming off two straight losses to Morgana. Stevie Swing will desperately be looking to take that title away, especially after those two disappointing defeats.
Steve Hebert: Let's not forget that the last time we saw Adora, she was being dragged away into the darkness. Is she even here? I know she didn't show for SW in Germany; so who knows if she'll show tonight?! If not, does that mean Stevie is automatically the new Television Champion?
Lex Robinson: We're bound to find out sooner than later. However, right now, we were supposed to have Corey Page come out to greet the fans... except, well, he's not.
The high-school gymnasium is relatively quiet for the moment, the show having just begun. Instead of some rock song breaking the silence, however, a four-piece mariachi band comes out and breaks into song, much to the delight of the Mexican fans. The joyous tune can only mean that Sin Wrestling is finally starting its first match.
Steve Hebert: Mariachi! Let's dance!
Lex Robinson: Let's not... Corey Page is supposed to be here. What's going on?
While some might be expecting one of the opponents coming out to the match, the first arrival is none other than Chris Carson, whose expression sours as he passes the band, hands clapped against his ears. The reaction is generally mixed, as some hardcore fans cheer for his first arrival in a wrestling ring in years, but the crowd is primarily against him, as most have been expecting Morgana (or at the very least a recovered Corey Page) to come out first. Carson has on one of his classic "Lethal Injection" T-shirts partially obscured by an important-looking blazer, and he looks a little more dignified than when we last saw him in a ring years ago, some weight lost.
Steve Hebert: Yeah, but Corey Page is still in rehab, probably fucking that diseased-infested whore, Amy Winehouse. My God, what a disgusting looking woman. Someone force-feed that skank a sandwich, for the love of shit.
Lex Robinson: Err... well, at the very last Eternity, Corey Page left a note, saying that he was going into rehab. It's been well over a month; you'd think he'd be finished and out by now?
Steve Hebert: He's probably snorting coke off Lindsay Lohan's asshole, for all I know. What's important now, is that Chris Carson is out here and he has something to say.
After Carson snaps at some of the band members for their volume level, he walks to the ring and steps in, fixing his blazer and blonde hair. He looks around at the riled-up crowd as the music halts. He asks for a microphone and clears his throat.
Chris Carson: So...this is a Mexican high school, huh?
The crowd cheers, since they're all from a Mexican high school! Whoo!
Chris Carson: You know, I'd rather have Sin Wrestling be performing at some first-class arena, but I guess this dump will have to do. And I call it a dump for good reasons. The halls stink of old tacos and sneakers, the teachers smoke during class, and you can't drink from the polluted water bubblers!
That will get you boos in any city, let alone one in Mexico...
Chris Carson: The thing that drives me up a fucking wall the most? I paid a visit to the wrestling club here, expecting to see some pretty talented athletes...but what do I see in the club? THREE of your wrestlers are fucking women! How the hell can you allow that?! I was expecting to see more male domination by crossing the border, but apparently Title IX isn't just some American institution! How can you pansies allow girls in your wrestling club?!
The boos rain in louder, and Carson's face twists with more disgust.
Chris Carson: You all should take a hint from the lunch ladies here! If you girls wrestle, you'll end up as worn-out and ugly as them! I swear, they all looked like their faces were wrinkled leather, and I'm dead certain they have more hairs on their moles than they do teeth in their mouths! Stay out of sports and athletics meant for men, and you'll keep yourselves from becoming fucking ugly!
The crowd, if they were cheering for Carson's return before, certainly aren't cheering for him now. Carson calms down and finally gets to business.
Chris Carson: I know you're all wondering about the whereabouts of Corey Page. Mr. President's still in rehab, that fucker! Shows you just how devoted he is to his job of keeping all these bitches in their place. So, for one night only, The Creep is leading this show as commissioner, and that's why you're seeing the lineup as it is. Every woman in this godforsaken roster will have to wrestle a male counterpart, and I'll be damned if I let Roxy McCrackhead or Pinky and her lesbian wife escape Mexico with their titles!
To that, the fans boo.
Lex Robinson: He can't say that! He can't!
Steve Hebert: Guess what, he did. Live with it.
Lex Robinson: But these are accomplished women, they don't deserve-...
Steve Hebert: Besides, it's about time we've had some good management here.
Chris Carson: Trust me, this won't be some sort of broken-down, messed-up show; "The Creep" is running things and I swear to give the best damn show possible. The first act of tonight's reign is to announce this...
Lex Robinson: What's he on to, now?
Chris Carson: A year ago, a certain set of titles were retired. But they're coming back. That's right; right here, tonight in Mexico City, I am declaring the return of the Tag Team Titles!
Lex Robinson: Holy crap.
Steve Hebert: You can say that again. It's about time we had some good management here.
Lex Robinson: ...Didn't you actually just say that?
Steve Hebert: You can say that again. It's about time we--...
Lex Robinson: Ugh.
Chris Carson: In the next few weeks, we'll be having a tournament to crown brand new tag champs. All because of me!
A mixed response is given.
Chris Carson: But onto more important matters... that being tonight's show.
And now, a good response is given.
Steve Hebert: There's even more!
Chris Carson: Thanks to me, tonight, there will be no more women running around with titles in their paws. The men in this company have stepped back and have allowed the women to control them, to dominate them. But that stops right here; right now. As it's been announced, Stevie Swing will take on Adora, and he will no doubt take that title away from her.
A loud jeer pours in.
Lex Robinson: We'll see about that.
Steve Hebert: We'll really see if Adora is even here.
Chris Carson: Secondly, Roxy Erikson may as well kiss her Purity Title "goodbye"; because she will be facing two -- count 'em -- two returning superstars! Flame, who apparently faked his own death, and Stryker Graff have been matched against her. If I have things my way, Roxy will be the first person out of that match. I guarantee it!
The fans obviously despite that, as a negative response washes in.
Steve Hebert: Thank God! That skank is disgusting! She can't even wrestle, for god's sake! "Purity", my ass.
Lex Robinson: Hey, you gotta admit; she's been a fighting champion.
Steve Hebert: And she's been dirty... filthy, even. Just plain gross.
Lex Robinson: ...but isn't that how you like them?
Steve Hebert: ...Well, yeah, but this is just atrocious!
Allowing the jeers to soak in, Chris Carson stands in the ring, still with the mic in hand, ready to get on with his next announcement.
Chris Carson: Finally, we have the queen bee herself -- Morgana, the World Champion. Tonight, she faces my protege, the guy I'm grooming to take all these pathetic women out. And most of all, he is facing her right now. Dan Black, come on out!
Chris Carson points towards the entrance, allowing for Dan Black to make his arrival.
Lex Robinson: Holy shit, a World Title match right now?!
Steve Hebert: Apparently! That's how you start a show! Has Corey Page ever done that?
Lex Robinson: Actually, he has. But still... this is a major difference in styles.
"Simple Design" by Breaking Benjamin goes off and Dan Black comes out from the back and then runs into the ring. He climbs each turnbuckle, pointing to the audience and he goes to the center of the ring and stomps his right foot, which ignites pyro all around the ringside area.
Lex Robinson: Dan Black enters the ring, taking a spot directly next to Chris Carson, who has taken Dan under his wing.
Chris Carson: That's right! We're starting things off with a World Title match! And I'll be right here at ringside, being a spectator. Now bring that bitch out here.
Steve Hebert: Now those are fighting words.
Chris Carson slams down the microphone and exits the ring, taking a spot at ringside, in Dan Black's corner.
oh make me over
i'm all i want to be
a walking study
in demonology
The arena darkens as the first chords of "Celebrity Skin" by the Hole tear through the sound system, sparking the words "Morgana" to etch across the blank screen in bold pink script, accompanied by images of Morgana. The crowd cheers loudly as pink and gold fireworks explode down the ramp, and Morgana saunters out from back stage, wearing a miniscule pink and black skort, black fishnets, knee-high boots and a tight black tank top, her pink hair pulled into two loose braids. Basking in the cheers of the crowd, Morgy slowly makes her way to the ring, pausing every so often to blow kisses to fans in the front row before bending to slip between the top and middle ropes.
you want a part of me?
well, i'm not selling cheap
no, i'm not selling cheap
"Celebrity Skin" dies over the speakers as Morgy enters, ready for her match to start.
Lex Robinson: Complete with the World Title, here is Morgana, who isn't looking too happy about defending so early.
Steve Hebert: Hey, when you're World Champ, you have to expect anything and everything; including early title defenses.
Lex Robinson: I dunno... it seems kind of shady, to me.
Steve Hebert: Bah!
Lex Robinson: Speaking of that, Chris Carson is now on the floor and is beckoning for the bell to ring, just as Morgana enters.
Steve Hebert: And it does, too! See, that bell-keep knows who's boss tonight.
Lex Robinson: But she just entered! Right away, Dan Black traverses across the ring, blindsiding Morgana with an attack from behind, hammering her with a forearm to the back of her neck! Crumpled to the canvas, Morgana falls to her knees, allowing for Dan Black to stomp, kick and knee Morgana!
Steve Hebert: Thank f'n god.
Lex Robinson: Delivering a series of elbows to the back of Morgana's neck, Dan lifts her up and clubs his right hand across her chest, backing her into the ropes. With all of his might, he Irish-whips her across the ring... only to have her leap onto the middle rope and moonsault back...!
Steve Hebert: Uh ohs.
Lex Robinson: Springboarding back, she soars through the air... only to be caught by Dan Black, who then throws her into the air, drops down and then forces her to land back-first across his right knee! My god!
Steve Hebert: Haha, awesome. He literally threw her up into the air, as if she were a sack of potatoes... a sack of Morgys, even. Then, as she was free-falling down, her brought her to a sudden stop, thanks to his knee. Let's just say, that this time, gravity has finally kicked Morgana's ass.
Rolling Morgana onto her back, Dan Black covers the World Champion with an air of nonchalance, opting to not even hook her leg.
Steve Hebert: Here we go. We may have a new World Champion right now!
...1...
Steve Hebert: Oh, guess not.
Lex Robinson: It was only a one-count, Steve. He'll have to put a lot more effort into defeating Morgy. I stress that, too.
Steve Hebert: Feh. Trust me, he will. In fact, he's plucking her off the canvas right now and then eagerly clotheslines her back down. Standing over her, he hunches over and slaps her across the face, striking her like the filthy bitch that she is.
Lex Robinson: Disgusting.
Steve Hebert: Furthermore, he applies a double-handed chokehold... and then lifts her up onto her feet. From here, he hoists her into the air, using both hands to propel her up.
Lex Robinson: Contorting violently, Morgana desperately struggles, looking for an escape, but it's to no avail. Dan Black uses all of his strength to send Morgana hurdling over his left shoulder, flinging her across the ring, where she rolls into the corner!
Steve Hebert: Haha, yes! Morgana flew all right... flew right into the ground.
Lex Robinson: In here, she tries to rise, but Dan Black will have none of that, too. He charges in, striking Morgana with a running knee to the head, crushing her head against the middle turnbuckle! Grabbing her throat once more, he sits her on the top rope and then strikes her with a vicious fist to the jaw.
Steve Hebert: Kill her, Dan! Kill her!
Lex Robinson: He goes to lock her up, preparing for... something... but Morgana strikes him with a slap to the cheek!
Steve Hebert: Now that's just silly. That's only going to anger him.
Lex Robinson: She strikes him again!
Steve Hebert: Oh yeah, he'll be pissed.
Lex Robinson: He seems to stagger out into the center of the ring. He charges back in, only to run right into a kick-to-the-face from Morgy, stunning him!
Steve Hebert: What the Christ?
Lex Robinson: In a daze, Dan Black again stumbles back, allowing for Morgana to regain her wits. Standing to the top rope, she leaps through the air, latches onto Dan Black and spinning-tornado DDTs him, driving the big-man into the canvas!
Steve Hebert: Oh, goddamnit. Right on his head, too! How awful! He's right back up, however.
Lex Robinson: Good! Because so is Morgy, who again ascends to the top turnbuckle pad. With Dan Black hunched over, she shooting-star presses herself through the air, striking him with a double-knee shot to the back of his head, finally dropping him fully to the ground!
Steve Hebert: This is not good! Not good at all!
With Dan Black finally concussed, Morgana sprints to her feet and charges towards the ropes, where she then uses the middle rope as a springboard, flying her body back, landing with a corkscrew senton onto Dan Black!
Lex Robinson: Morgy with the springboard senton onto "The Bulldozer"! Not only that, but she is able to roll to her feet. Standing back up, she launches herself back into the air with a standing corkscrew splash, adding in about 4 extra twists! She makes the cover, having landed squarely on Dan Black's chest, hoping to knock the wind out of him...
The referee drops down and starts slapping his hand off the canvas.
Lex Robinson: Here we go...
Steve Hebert: Oh God...
...1...
Lex Robinson: One...
...2...
Lex Robinson: ...two... she's gonna have the big man pinned!
...
Steve Hebert: No! Dan Black stops the count by throwing Morgana off him... literally! As a result, Morgana is sent through the bottom and the middle rope, landing on her feet, on the floor!
Lex Robinson: He launched her!
Steve Hebert: The guy's a friggin' bulldozer. He's not done yet.
Lex Robinson: Surprised at being thrown the air, Morgana quickly leaps back onto the apron and prepares to sail through the air with a springboard body-smash. Unfortunately, Dan Black, out of a hunched position, is able to jump up and connect with a massive lariat to Morgana, knocking her out of the air!
Steve Hebert: Just like an anti-missile device! The United States military should really look into recruiting Dan Black after that.
Lex Robinson: Morgy almost had her pink head chopped off.
Steve Hebert: The way her body contorted, I wouldn't be surprised if her world is spinning at 50 miles an hour, either.
Not giving the champion a moment to rest, Dan Black is immediately instructed by Chris Carson to continue the assault. Upon given the orders, Dan Black hoists Morgana up, knees her in the gut and then positions her between his legs with a standing headscissors. Hoisting Morgana up onto his shoulders, Dan Black lets out a muffled roar and stomps forward...
Steve Hebert: Dan Black steamrolls into the corner, where he then powerbombs Morgana into the turnbuckle pads! Hahaha, her head snapped back, as if it were broken! Can someone please check on Morgy? I'm pretty certain she's dead... and has been for the past few minutes.
Lex Robinson: She's still alive and kickin'... I hope. Stuck in the corner, Morgana is yet again faced with a barrage of elbows to the head, dizzying her even further, no doubt hoping to put her aerial skills to rest.
Steve Hebert: He even headbutts the skank for good measure.
Lex Robinson: Dan Black continues to pound our poor champion down, even striking her with some back-elbows into the corner. My God...
Steve Hebert: From this corner, Dan Black even lifts her up with one hand!
Lex Robinson: With just one hand, he is able to press her into the air, holding her high above his head!
Steve Hebert: Dan Black is built like a shit-brickhouse, Lex. It's amazing, isn't it?
Smirking, Dan Black suddenly vaults forward, press-slamming Morgana from inside the ring to the floor!
Lex Robinson: Jesus, Morgana lands with a hard thud!
Steve Hebert: People have killed themselves from falling that high!
Lex Robinson: Our World Champ... I... I... goddamn.
Steve Hebert: Speak English, retard.
Writhing in pain on the floor, Morgana holds her ribcage, struggling to breathe properly, while the referee admonishes Dan Black for his dastardly behaviour. Seeing that the referee's distracted, Chris Carson hurriedly steps around the corner, facing Morgana, who is slowly rising to a kneeling position.
Lex Robinson: Now what's that scumbag, Chris Carson doing? You know, I used to have lots of respect for him, but ever since he has started this anti-female crusade, I just can't stand him anymore.
Steve Hebert: He's pretty a-okay in my book. There's way too many whores 'round here, anyhow. Can you believe they won't even give me a kiss on the cheek?!
Lex Robinson: Who can blame them?
Steve Hebert: It's just a simple kiss, that's all! I mean, come on.
Nearing closer to Morgana, Chris Carson checks once more on the referee's positioning and then steps closer to the World Champ.
Lex Robinson: While the referee is busy giving Dan Black a tongue-lashing, Chris Carson has snuck over here, standing above Morgy... and now, he's grabbing her by the hair and lifting her up. Smacking her in the gut, he scoops her up... and my god, he tombstone piledrivers her on the floor!
Steve Hebert: A+! Now that was some good sneaky behaviour. I would pay to see it again.
Lex Robinson: Morgana may, in fact, be out cold, as a result of that. Dan Black, of all people, could be our new World Champion.
Steve Hebert: It'd be quite the way to end his losing streak, that's for sure.
Lex Robinson: And he'd have that prick, Chris Carson, to thank. Speaking of him, he's now picking Morgana up and rolling her back inside, while Dan Black finally shrugs off the referee. Headed towards Morgy, Dan Black drops to his knees and demands the referee count.
Steve Hebert: We're gonna have a new champion! Yay! I was getting sick of looking at that goddamn pink belt, too.
The count is made...
Lex Robinson: Oh man, here we go...
...1...
Steve Hebert: There's one...
...2...
Steve Hebert: ...two...
...
Lex Robinson: She puts her foot on the bottom rope, thus breaking the count! Just in the nick of time, too!
Steve Hebert: Fuck! Fucking fuck! How did she--...?!
Lex Robinson: Things aren't finished yet, Steve. I wouldn't want Morgana losing the title like that.
Steve Hebert: As long as she loses it, I'm glad. I don't care how or why; just get it done.
Obviously frustrated, Dan Black rises to his feet, has some words with the referee and then grabs Morgana's pink hair. Once again, he hastily lifts her up, forcing her onto her feet, where she then is faced with a punch to the head. Knocked against the ropes, Morgana is battered with some kneelifts from Dan, who then whips her across the ring.
Lex Robinson: Up to her feet, Morgana is flung across the ring. Upon her return, Dan ducks down, looking for a backdrop, but Morgana goes back-to-back in flipping over him! Landing on her feet, behind Dan, Morgana immediately hits a dropkick-to-the-knee, leaps up and latches onto Dan's neck, looking to hit the Fata Morgana!
Steve Hebert: Dan's not going to have any of that! As she leaps into the air, he throws her off, dropping her on the ground, landing harshly on her back.
Lex Robinson: Yikes. Perhaps Morgana should have held off for a little bit.
Steve Hebert: You think?!
Lex Robinson: Shaking off the previous damage, Dan Black once more hovers over Morgana, lifting her up by her pink hair, once more. After driving an elbow into the back of her neck, Dan Black hoists her up, putting her into a vertical suplex position.
Steve Hebert: It's more than that, Lex...
Lex Robinson: He then throws her forward, hoping to hit her with a suplex-into-a-powerbomb! But Morgana is able to flip completely around and land safely on her feet.
Steve Hebert: The pink-haired bitch won't be on her feet more much longer, though. Just as she lands, Dan springs forward, swinging his right arm at her head!
Lex Robinson: She ducks!
Steve Hebert: ...Shit.
Lex Robinson: Both competitors turn back around and face each other, with Morgana leaping at Dan Black, hoping to roll him up with a wheel-barrow/body-scissors combination!
Steve Hebert: Again, though, he hangs on and thrusts Morgana forward!
Lex Robinson: But just like before, Morgana is able to swing her body around and land safely on her two feet. Hoping to follow up on that, Dan Black goes to grab Morgana from behind, but she immediately steps away from his grasps, side-steps him, and just as he goes to make another grab, she slides between his legs. Look at that quickness and agility from Morgy!
Steve Hebert: I'd rather not.
Lex Robinson: Jumping to her feet, Morgana hits a dropkick to Dan Black's back, knocking him forward, bouncing him into the ropes. Returning with a vengeful look of wrath on his face, Dan Black tries to latch onto Morgy again; but alas, it is again thwarted.
Steve Hebert: Oh, for crying out loud, can she just stay still for 30 seconds?!
When Dan turns around, he is faced with a dropkick from Morgana, which staggers him back.
Lex Robinson: She has him reeling.
Stumbling back, Dan Black is then faced with a spin wheel kick from Morgana, which staggers him even further.
Lex Robinson: Perhaps one more shot will do the trick!
Steve Hebert: No! C'mon, she can't get him down!
Lex Robinson: A John-Woo kick! She speeds forward, leaps through the air and connects with a running double-kick directly into Dan Black's chest, knocking him backwards, tangling him in the ropes! His arms are stuck, he has nowhere to go. On the outside, Chris Carson is horrified and visibly upset!
Steve Hebert: I don't blame him!
Noticing Dan Black's predicament, Morgana races towards the ropes, kicks him and then slingshots herself out onto the outer portion of the apron. As quickly as she does that, she immediately slingshots herself back in, connecting with a swinging dropkick to Dan Black, which not only unlodges him from the ropes, but also concusses him.
Steve Hebert: What the hell? Can she even do that?
Lex Robinson: Obviously, she can.
Steve Hebert: That's not cool!
Lex Robinson: Seeing in a daze, she even covers him.
Steve Hebert: Oh God...
With the cover made, Morgana listens for the count...
Lex Robinson: The referee starts the count...
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: Dan Black puts his foot on the bottom rope!
Lex Robinson: Uh, no, it was Chris Carson who did that! Before the referee could count the three, Chris Carson reaches in, grabs Dan Black's leg and puts it on the bottom rope, out of the referee's sight!
Steve Hebert: No way. I distinctly saw Dan Black do it himself.
Lex Robinson: Well, everyone else saw what I just described.
Steve Hebert: I think you need glasses, Lex.
Lex Robinson: Ugh...
The referee might not realize Chris Carson's shady dealings, but Morgana certainly does. Getting to her feet, she stands near the ropes, gazing down at "The Creep", who looks innocently up at her. The two begin to exchange words, which works out in Chris Carson's favor, as it gives Dan Black the time to recover.
Lex Robinson: Can someone please get that piece of--... out of here.
Steve Hebert: "Piece of" what, Lex? Don't you realize how much Chris Carson has poured into the wrestling business? He isn't going to have it ruined by pink title belts, pink hair and pink underwear. This is his lifeline; his blood. People like Morgana aren't going to ruin it for him.
Lex Robinson: As if she -- or any other female -- has done anything to him.
Steve Hebert: Well, right now, she's talking trash to him. Isn't that enough?!
Lex Robinson: Unfortunately, it's also giving Dan Black time to convalesce.
Steve Hebert: Thank god. Whatever that means.
Lex Robinson: It means the former Purity Champion is recovering... and is coming up from behind on Morgana.
Steve Hebert: Sounds like the beginning to a horror movie... or a porn.
Lex Robinson: as Morgy is jaw-jacking with Chris Carson, Dan comes behind her, grabs her, and then half-nelson suplexes her, sending her rolling across the ring!
Steve Hebert: Hah!
Having Morgana toppled over near the ropes, Dan Black again decides to charge forward, hoping to ram his muscle-bound body into her petite frame. Morgy, thinking quickly while on her knees, acts with haste, and side-steps the incoming attack.
Lex Robinson: Morgana ducks to the side, resulting in her drop-toe-holding Dan Black throat-first over the middle rope!
Steve Hebert: Goddamnit, Dan, you gotta keep your eyes on that bitch.
Lex Robinson: As he's left out to dry, hanging over the middle rope, Morgana steps back, bounces off the opposite set of ropes and bounds forward. Jumping between the top and middle rope, Morgana swings her legs around and double-kicks Dan Black in the head, making him stumble back, holding his head, in pure agony!
Steve Hebert: Oh, Danny-boy, the pipes, the pipes...
Lex Robinson: Things aren't looking good for your Danny-boy.
Steve Hebert: Not if Chris Carson has his say!
Lex Robinson: There he goes, again, showing his face in this match. He leaps up onto the apron, trying to get the referee's attention; all while Morgana ascends to the top turnbuckle pad. Upon seeing this, she has no qualms about attacking "The Creep"! From the top rope, she leaps towards Chris Carson, lands on his shoulders, swings around and then delivers a hurricanrana to Chris Carson, knocking him off the apron and to the floor!
Steve Hebert: My God, he only had to tell the referee a secret!
Lex Robinson: Just like a few minutos ago, when he placed Dan's foot on the bottom rope?
Steve Hebert: This is something different, though!
Lex Robinson: Yeah, right. In any event, Morgana has clearly taken Chris Carson out of things, for now.
Steve Hebert: She'll regret doing that!
On the floor, Morgana swiftly rises and rolls back inside, only to roll into some kicks from Dan Black, who has regained his senses.
Steve Hebert: Ah-ha! See! I told you so! She should have stayed on "The Bulldozer". And yes, that probably was a sexual euphemism.
Stomping and kicking at Morgana, Dan Black pulls the mucky up by her pink hair, even jamming his right knee into her ribcage area. Irish-whipping her across the ring, he stands tall, waiting for her to bounce back. Once she does, he extends his own right arm and attempts to lob her skull off with a clothesline.
Steve Hebert: Blammo! Dan Black clotheslines Morgana, forcing her to promptly flip over in the air!
Lex Robinson: Tha nearly took her head off. We might have a new champion here!
Steve Hebert: Good!
Dan drops down and makes the cover.
Steve Hebert: Here we go!
The referee counts...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: One... two...
Steve Hebert: Fuck!
Lex Robinson: Morgana kicks out!
Enraged, Dan Black stands up, hoisting Morgana up with him. Using his muscle, he lifts her up onto his right shoulder, but drops her down with much vigor, across his right knee. Deciding not to relinquish his hold, he stands back up, still having Morgana dangling over his shoulder.
Lex Robinson: A shoulderbreaker by Dan Black onto the World Champion!
Steve Hebert: He's getting her ready for a second one, too!
Lex Robinson: Still slung over his right shoulder, Morgana is about to be dropped down again, but has Morgy wiggle her way to safety! Squirming behind Dan Black, Morgana lands on her feet, leaps into the air and connects with a dropkick, which sends Dan Black stumbling into the turnbuckle pads. Rising back up, she stands and connects with a seated-dropkick to Dan Black's left knee, just as he turns around!
Steve Hebert: Ugh. Now this is not good.
Lex Robinson: It's certainly not good for Dan Black, the former Purity Champ.
Steve Hebert: Purity versus the whore, Morgana. Go figure.
Lex Robinson: How dare you. You're just mad because Chris Carson's plan is getting trumped -- all by Morgana, who now bounces off the ropes and connects with another seated-dropkick. This time, connecting to Dan Black's head, thanks to him being hunched over and holding onto his knee.
Steve Hebert: She dropkicked him from behind! Doesn't that count for something?!
Lex Robinson: As opposed to Chris Carson tombstoning her on the floor, while the referee was busy with Dan Black?
Steve Hebert: ...Uh, yes, of course!
Lex Robinson: That doesn't sound very pure to me, Steve.
Stumbling around, his eyes glazing over, Dan Black is then met by another flying attack from Morgana. Having springboarded off the middle-rope, Morgy flies back, hitting Dan with a flying spin-kick, finally knocking him onto his back.
Lex Robinson: She got him down! She keeps right on the attack, too! Again, she springboards off the middle rope; and this time, she comes flying back with another corkscrew senton splash! Rolling back up, she hits a standing shooting-star press and opts to not go for another cover. Instead, she points to the top rope!
Steve Hebert: Oh God, this is where she is most deadly.
When she walks in, Chris Carson immediately pops himself off the floor, grabbing a steel chair in the process. He goes to climb onto the apron, but is halted by the referee, enabling Chris to slide the chair into the ring, behind the referee's back.
Lex Robinson: Did you see that?! Chris Carson has slipped Dan Black a chair, while trying to get inside the ring, nonetheless!
Steve Hebert: Finally, some order will be restored.
Lex Robinson: Morgana isn't aware of this, though, as she's busy climbing to the top turnbuckle pad.
Steve Hebert: She'll be aware of it in a moment!
Tucking the chair against his side, Dan Black slowly rises to his feet, turns around and then becomes aware of a diving Morgana -- headed straight for him.
Lex Robinson: Morgana leaps through the air...
Steve Hebert: Batter up...! Dan Black swings the chair!
Lex Robinson: But it misses! At the last second, Morgana notices the steel chair and is able to contort her body around, so that she glides directly under it! Landing with a roll, she instantly steps up to her feet and connects with a dropkick to the chair, just as Dan Black turns around!
Steve Hebert: What's worse is that dropkick sends the chair smashing into Dan's skull! She oughta be disqualified! Where's that damn referee when you need him?!
Lex Robinson: He is busy with "The Creep", who is victimized by another attack from Morgana, knocking him off the apron; hopefully, for good!
Kicking the chair out of the ring, a proud Morgana is glad to have knocked Chris Carson off the apron and is even more glorious over the fact that she has Dan Black grounded. Once more, she climbs to the top turnbuckle pad.
Lex Robinson: She's ascending to the top rope!
Steve Hebert: Things weren't supposed to happen this way!
Seconds after reaching the top, Morgana dives off, hitting a perfectly-timed Morgasm onto Dan Black!
Lex Robinson: The Morgasm! There it is! She makes the cover!
Steve Hebert: Oh, for God's sake.
The referee drops down.
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: And...
...3!
Lex Robinson: She does it! She defeats "The Bulldozer"!
Steve Hebert: Atrocious. Disgusting, even.
Immediately after being declared the victor, Morgana rolls out of the ring, grabs her World Title, and begins to walk to the back, slapping the hands of a few fans as she makes her exit. Sloppily heaving the World Title over her right shoulder, Morgana makes her way to the top of the entrance, while an enraged Chris Carson enters the ring, holding a microphone.
Lex Robinson: What a way to start the show! Morgana, our World Champion, has successfully defended the World Championship. As a result, our commissioner for tonight, is not too please.
Steve Hebert: This just reminds me of how much I hate Mexico.
Chris Carson takes a second to check on Dan Black and then returns to watching Morgana walk to the back. He then begins speaking into the microphone, prompting Morgana to turn around and listen to his words.
Chris Carson: Hey! Hey, you... Morgana. Hey, Pinky!
With her attention fully engulfed in Chris Carson, Morgana listens in.
Chris Carson: I anticipated this. I really did. You see, for the past few months, while I've been stewing in my juices and watching you, Pinky, get lucky over Stevie Swing, I've been busy drawing my battle lines. A wrestling ring is not meant for women, and titles are not meant to be designed in pastel colors! I have found my warrior to take down the bitches in this federation, and I have been training him constantly over the past month. I'll just tell you this--he's a legend to wrestling, and he'll be making his well-awaited return to the ring when I announce his return TONIGHT!
Lex Robinson: what the--? Who?!
Steve Hebert: As long as they dish out some tough Wifey love, I'll be happy.
Lex Robinson: What legend is he bringing back?!
Curiousity spreads through the air, while the cameras flash to the backstage area, continuing the show, as Chris Carson aides Dan Black in getting to his feet.
Winner: Morgana
After the previous match, Chris Carson and Dan Black arrive to the backstage area, with Dan, holding his head, walking in a different direction that Chris. "The Creep" is then bumped into by a returning Buck Travis, who is seemingly at odds over something.
Buck Travis: Uhm... good sir, I need to be tellin' ya something. It's about the Day Laborer.
Almost annoyed, Chris Carson, the commissioner for tonight's event, speaks up.
Chris Carson: What?
Buck Travis: Well, he ain't here.
Chris Carson winces, trying to extract more information, in the process.
Chris Carson: What?! So what you're saying, is that yet again, another one of your lazy-beaner friends has refused to show up to work yet again and will now go AWOL?
Buck Travis: Now, sir, let's not be nasty about this and not call them beaners lazy. They just don't have the same desire to work as you and I do... Which is why I'm here today to set things straight. You see, The Masked Day Laborer WANTED to come... but I didn't let him.
Chris Carson: You didn't let him. And why's that?!
Buck Travis: Because, as you may or may not be aware of... The Masked Day Laborer's status in the United States ain't exactly legal. And well, there's the whole question of how would he get back north once this mexican Sin Wrestling tour is over.
Chris Carson: I don't really care how he gets back. I had plans for your masked Mexican and if he's not here, those plans are all damned! He was supposed to be one of my big draws here and instead I have a Mexican-less show to put on! Are you trying to screw me over?!
Buck defensively responds.
Buck Travis: I understand you're upset, sir, but I'd be willing to bring The Masked Day Laborer down to Mexico if you can guarantee a passage back to the United States. Chris Carson: Do I look like an immigrant smuggler to you?!
Buck Travis: No, sir, I didn't mean to offend. I meant go about the legal ways of guaranteeing a return to the states. Something like a Work Visa On A Pole Match...
Chris Carson: And how is a Canadian company supposed to get a US work visa for a Mexican immigrant? All I know is you're still punishable by American law, and if your client doesn't show up for his match, then I will sue you for breach of contract! This is my damn show tonight and it's already been messed up enough as it is, all thanks to ol' Pinky.
Buck Travis: But he's still in California. How's he supposed to git here before his match?
Chris Carson: Aren't mexicans fast? I mean, that little mouse. He always outran the cat. And besides, aren't they always getting away from the border patrol? Do something about it, or suffer the consequences.
Buck Travis: Uh... yes, sir... sir.
Angry, Chris Carson steps away, leaving Buck Travis to think about the repercussions of not having The Masked Day Laborer perform.
Mackenzie Starr walks out, as red steam comes up from the entrance. She puts her head down and her left hand wafts through the smoke, clearing it as she lifts her head back, while fire flickers up into the air. After that, she walks down the entrance, climbs onto the apron and then flips him into the ring.
Lex Robinson: We're back again, folks, just in time for our next matchup. We actually have 2 debuts in this match, along with a return.
Steve Hebert: Fresh off from working the late-shift at Wal Mart, The Masked Day Laborer should be making his presence felt again in SW.
Lex Robinson: But first, we bring out Mackenzie Starr, one of Sin Wrestling's newest stars.
Steve Hebert: Let's just say I'd hit in. In fact, let's go astep further and say that I have hit it. Oh yeah, you heard me.
Lex Robinson: You did not.
Steve Hebert: I did so!
Lex Robinson: I don't believe you.
Steve Hebert: Fine, be that way.
The lights dim and the guitar/keyboard, for high-speed intro of "Time to Dance" by Panic! at the Disco blares through the speakers, as the name DAVIS appears in sparks and dims to lights. The crowd gets louder and louder, chanting "DAVIS! DAVIS!", while the hallway dims to dark. Soon, a shadowed-figure emerges into the light of the crowd. The chanting becomes incoherent screaming as the champ walks down the carpet and into the ring.
This guy, Mark Davis, removes his dark green silk robe and throws it asunder, raising his arms in recognition of the crowd and foreshadowing of triumph. He then saunters towards the ringside area, where he slides inside, ready for his match to start.
Steve Hebert: Wow... look at that body! Look at those nipples!
Lex Robinson: What the hell did you just say?
Steve Hebert: I haven't the slightest clue... but wow!
Lex Robinson: Is Mark Adams next on your list?
Steve Hebert: I'm not gay, you fag. I'm just admiring this man's well-tuned physique... and his nipples. Those are very manly nipples.
Lex Robinson: Uh huh.
"Streets of Bakersfield" by Dwight Yoakam and Buck Owens plays over the arena loudspeakers, as the crowd lets out a large cheer, anticipating the return of The Masked Day Laborer.
Lex Robinson: Hmm...
...Except he doesn't come out.
Steve Hebert: Uh, any day, now. Damn these crazy Mexicans. He's probably busy mowing his lawn.
Lex Robinson: Who even knows.
Despite the music playing in the background, Mark Adams struts forward, deciding to start things.
Lex Robinson: Conspicuous by his adbsence is the Masked Day Laborer...
Steve Hebert: And if he continuous to be spic-uous, Buck Travis will be fined a hefty amount. I'll see to it, too.
Lex Robinson: Eh, in any event, the newcomer, Mark Davis, gets things started with our other newcomer, Mackenzie Starr.
Having Mackenzie cornered against the turnbuckle pads, Mark Davis strikes her with some forearms, coupled with some chops across her chest, blistering the skin around her breasts. Grabbing her right hand, Mark whips her across the ring, sending her thumping into the opposite set of turnbuckle pads. He rushes in, ready to hit a discus-clothesline attempt, which he successfully performs.
Lex Robinson: Mark Davis strikes Mackenzie Starr with a spinning-clothesline, into the corner.
Steve Hebert: Let's talk about something more important, Lex. Such as the whereabouts of The Masked Day Laborer, who is supposed to be out here!
Lex Robinson: Hey, we have two newcomers going at it in the ring. That's pretty important.
Steve Hebert: Not to me, it isn't.
Lex Robinson: Well, it's important to Mackenzie, who stumbles out of the corner, only to walk directly into a spinning-kick to the gut from Mark Davis. Crumpling over, she holds her gut, only to have Mark grab onto her hair and unload with rapid-fire kicks to the face!
Steve Hebert: Hmm... perhaps you're right. There's always something interesting with a bitch getting kicked repeatedly in the face.
Lex Robinson: Thanks to those kicks, Mark Davis has her stumbling backwards, in a daze. Capitalizing on this, he sneaks up on her, latches onto her from behind and then back-suplexes her, thumping her on her back. From here, he straddles her and commences striking her with some mounted-punches and strikes!
Steve Hebert: It's a scene quite like my latest sexual conquest.
Lex Robinson: You dirty bastard.
Transferring the strikes into a submission hold, Mark grabs Mackenzie's right arm and applies a cross-armbreaker, trying to rip the entire arm out of place. To this, Mackenzie Starr has no idea what to do, obviously out-classed.
Steve Hebert: Tap, you silly cunt, tap.
Lex Robinson: She's not faring very well against her fellow newcomer, that's for sure.
Steve Hebert: Her arm is about to be ripped off. Of course she's not.
As the seconds pass, Mark Davis clinbs on even harder, desperately trying to rip the joints out of socket. He is taken aback, however; when a familiar tune plays over the speakers.
Steve Hebert: Oh God... that awful song.
Lex Robinson: That's... that's The Masked Day Laborer's song!
Steve Hebert: Hence the awfulness.
Lex Robinson: Swight Yoakam's "Streets of Bakersfield" plays over the speakers... and here comes Buck Travis, leading the way for... a much leaner, taller and slender Masked Day Laborer.
Steve Hebert: Well, if this doesn't reek of suspicious behaviour, I don't know what does.
Lex Robinson: At least he showed!
Steve Hebert: Yeah, right.
Overhearing the music of Dwight Yoakam, Mark Davis releases the armbreaker, allowing Mackenzie Starr to roll out of the ring, in an amount of pain.
Lex Robinson: Allowing for Mackenzie to softly exit, Mark stands to his feet, watching as the less chunky Masked Day Laborer is lead to the ring by Buck. Ready for his second opponent, Mark braces himself, looking at The Masked Day Laborer slide into the ring.
Steve Hebert: And they immediately go after each other, too!
Just as The Masked Day Laborer gets into the ring, Mark Davis goes right at him, grabs him by the head and brings him down with a judo-like headlock-takedown. The Day Laborer not approving of this, pushes Mark away from him and instantly rises to his feet and ducks beneath a lock-up attempt.
Lex Robinson: The Masked Day Laborer slinks behind Mark Davis and applies a waistlock. Pushing Davis forward, The Day Laborer shoves him against the ropes and rolls back, looking for an Okana Roll pinfall-attempt.
Steve Hebert: But Mark Davis hangs onto the top rope, keeping his balance.
Lex Robinson: I know. After rolling backward, The Masked Day Laborer rises to his feet and returns to trying to attack Mark Davis. Seeing this, though, Davis ducks down, resulting in The Masked Day Laborer spilling over the middle rope and landing on the floor.
With The Masked Day Laborer on the floor, Mark Davis stands and speeds ahead, hoping to hit a baseball-slide dropkick to his masked opponent. However, at the last second, TMDL sees him coming and decides to skirt out of the way, clotheslining his other opponent, Mackenzie Starr, in the process.
Lex Robinson: Mackenzie Starr is dropped to the floor, while Mark Davis slides out to the floor.
Steve Hebert: She's like the official punching bag of this match. Deservedly so. She looks like a skank. Beat the filth out of her.
Turning around, The Masked Day Laborer notices Mark Davis chasing after him. So, what does he do? He runs away!
Lex Robinson: Mark Davis is chasing after The Masked Day Laborer!
Steve Hebert: Catch him, you dirty metrosexual. Catch him and beat him into a taco.
Lex Robinson: Round and round they go, where they stop, no one knows.
Steve Hebert: The Masked Day Laborer stops in the middle of the ring, apparently, and Mark Davis is sliding in after him.
Lex Robinson: Seeing a perfect opportuniy, The Day Laborer leaps forward and connects with a stomps to the back of Mark Davis, keeping him down. Seconds later, The Masked Day Laborer hoists Mark Davis up, backs him into the ropes and whips him out... only to have the Irish-whip reversed!
Steve Hebert: Damn right. Instead, Mark Davis sends The Masked Day Laborer hurdling towards the ropes. Upon the Mexicans return, he runs right into a spinning spinebuster slam by Mark Davis, who pops back up and climbs to the middle turnbuckle pad. He dives off, hoping to hit a flying kneedrop...
Lex Robinson: But The Masked Day Laborer rolls out of the way!
Steve Hebert: Crap.
Lex Robinson: Along with that, The Day Laborer stands back up, and Russian Legsweeps Mark Davis. Actualy, no, that was the Mexican Legsweep.
Steve Hebert: My God, that was lame.
Lex Robinson: Hah, but it worked. The Masked Day Laborer is making the cover.
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: However, at the count of two, Mark Davis easily kicks out!
Steve Hebert: God, I hate Mexicans.
Upset at the lack of a three, Buck Travis, from outside of the ring, shouts some words of discouragement at the referee, while Mackenzie Starr slowly re-enters. Sliding in beneath the bottom rope, she sees The Masked Day Laborer just rising off Mark Davis. Picking her spot, she decides to jump on his back, apply a chokehold, while clawing at his eyes.
Lex Robinson: Mackenzie Starr is back... and she leaps onto The Masked Day Laborer's back. It's a good thing he's wearing that mask, too, otherwise, she'd have his eyes torn out. Struggling to free himself, The Masked Day Laborer swings Mackenzie back-and-forth, trying to rip her off his back. Finally, he is able to throw her over his left shoulder, smashing her onto the mat.
Steve Hebert: Shouldn't she be in the kitchen, baking a cake, or something? Where's Chris Carson to put this bitch in her place?
Lex Robinson: I'm certain he's too busy running things tonight.
Steve Hebert: Pffft.
Lex Robinson: With Mackenzie Starr sitting in front of him, he bounces off the ropes, returning with a running-knee to her back! Proceeding forward, The Masked Day Laborer charges ahead, only to have Mark Davis pop out of nowhere and strike The Masked Day Laborer with a knee-to-the-gut! The force of the blow is enough to flip The Day Laborer over, allowing Mark Davis to divert his attention to Mackenzie Starr.
Steve Hebert: Blammo! He connects with a Shining Wizard to her face, too! He makes the cover!
Dropping down, the referee counts Mark Davis's pinfall attempt on Mackenzie Starr.
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: The Masked Day Laborer leaps through the air and drops a double-axehandle smash to the back of Mark Davis's head! The count is stopped!
Up to his feet, Mark Davis angrily attacks The Masked Day Laborer, hoping to avenge the interrupted pinfall attempt, striking The Masked Day Laborer with swift chops and thrusts to the chest, gut and face. Having TMDL against the ropes, Mark whips him out, and goes for a clothesline upon the rebound.
Lex Robinson: The Masked Day Laborer ducks, turns around and applies a waistlock. A Mexican suplex, complete with a bridge! The referee counts...
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: This time, it's Mark Davis kicking out. You know, the longer this match goes, the more I'm hungering for a taco. Don't you want a taco, Lex?
Lex Robinson: No, not quite. Both The Laborer and Mark Davis get to their feet, while Mackenzie Starr rises to a kneeling position. They both go to strike each other...
Steve Hebert: But they turn to filthy Mackenzie Starr!
Lex Robinson: In a rare occurence, they strike her with a double-team enziguri and Mackenzie drops onto her face!
Steve Hebert: Surely, that isn't the first time Mackenzie Starr has been in the middle of two men.
Lex Robinson: Are you implying something?
Steve Hebert: Yes, I'm implying she's a filthy whore.
Lex Robinson: Makes sense.
Both The Masked Day Laborer and Mark Davis rise to their feet and instantly target each other.
Lex Robinson: Mark Davis knees The Masked Day Laborer in the gut, his turn to get the upperhand. Drilling the masked man's stomach with some repeated fists, Mark Davis swings his opponent out and ducks down... only to have The Masked Day Laborer step right in, standing headscissor Mark and piledriver him! He goes for the cover!
Steve Hebert: End this shit, for the love of LSG!
Lex Robinson: The Masked Day Labor hooks the leg...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: Mark Davis kicks out!
Steve Hebert: Goddamnit.
Lex Robinson: Stunned about the lack of a pinfall, The Masked Day Laborer sits Mark Davis up, kicks him in the back and the lifts him to his feet. After delivering a few punches that knock Mark back, The Masked Day Laborer sits his opponent on the top rope.
Steve Hebert: He's climbing up there with him, too.
Lex Robinson: The Masked Day Laborer seems to be going for a top rope hurricanrana...
However, before he can complete this task, Mackenzie Starr gets to her feet, charges into the corner and shoves The Masked Day Laborer off the top rope, forcing him to spill out onto the floor.
Steve Hebert: Hah! That dumb Mexican lost his footing!
Lex Robinson: Actually, he was pushed by Mackenzie Starr, who is now climbing up in his place. Now, Mackenzie is looking to hit the top-rope hurricanrana. She jumps up, wraps her legs around his head and attempts to bring him down. As they travel through the air, though, Mark switches things up and brings her down with a flying powerbomb!
Steve Hebert: Once again, Mackenzie Starr fucks up.
Lex Robinson: Seeing that Mackenzie has been laid out, Mark Davis walks into the corner and climbs to the top rope. He climbs up, making sure he is level...
Up here, he stands up and flips off, yelling "I'm the best!", in the process.
Steve Hebert: Did you hear that? He's "the best"?
Lex Robinson: At least he's telling everyone... and not only that, but he lands on her with a delicious elbowdrop!
Steve Hebert: So delicious it'll give him diarrhea. Just like Taco Bell.
Lex Robinson: He makes the cover...
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: The Masked Day Laborer rolls in...!
...3!
Lex Robinson: Before he can make the save, the three is made and Mark Davis is therefore declared the winner!
Falling just short of breaking the count, The Masked Day Laborer falls to his knees, while Buck Travis looks on from the floor, obviously disappointed. Mark Davis, who has declared himself the best, rolls victoriously out of the ring and holds his right hand high in the air.
Steve Hebert: He may have won the match, but he still has nice nipples. And that's all that matters.
Lex Robinson: Dear God, stop it.
With Panic! in the Disco playing in the background, Mark Davis walks to the back, celebrating his first Sin Wrestling victory, while slapping the hands of several fans.
Winner: Mark Davis
The scene cuts to the backstage area, inside of school classroom. Inside, Chris Extreme is standing next to his personal doctor, Dr. Mengele, Booger, and his pet doggy, Roscoe. They seem to be going over some sort of strategy on the chalkboard, with Chris holding a white piece of chalk in his hand, drawing up and down the board.
Chris Extreme: Doc, you go there. Booger, you there. Roscoe, you go there.
Chris turns back around, seeing that Booger has Roscoe in his mouth, trying to eat him.
Chris Extreme: Hey, hey; stop that! That's my dog, asshole!
In response, Booger plucks the dog out of his mouth and hands him back to Chris Extreme.
Chris Extreme: If anyone will be eating my dog, it'll be me, goddamnit. Right, Roscoe?
The dog looks up at Chris, afraid for its own life.
Chris Extreme: That's right.
Chris pats Roscoe's head, but is then startled by a loud knock at the door.
Chris Extreme: Now what? I was just formulizing a plan to kill that dirty wop, Jimmy Luciano, for beating up my long, lost brother over in Germany. Son of a Hitler, there's never enough time to do anything any more.
Stomping towards the door, Chris kicks it open, revealing... nothing/no one. The only thing standing outside of his door is a tiny gift-wrapped box. Puzzled, Chris steps out into the corridor, examining the box. He looks at it in surprise, and then looks around to see who could have possibly left it.
Chris Extreme: What in the hell is this? Booger, did you order another burrito cake?!
Booger shakes his head -- 'no'.
Chris Extreme: Hmm...
He kneels down, lifts the box up, rattes it and attempts to peak inside. Upon further analyzation, he rotates the box and notices that a note has been attached to the box. Peeling it off, he begins to read it out.
Chris Extreme: "Dear Chris, life is too short to be so hateful. You don't really hate everyone like you claim you do, you just need a fucking hug. So I've decided to help you with your problem. Enjoy. You can thank me later. Sebastian York." What the fuck is that lobster talking about?!
Seeing who the gift is from, Chris tosses the note aside, having a pissed-off expression on his face. He then begins to rip open the wrapping, his jaw running agape as he stares at what's inside.
Chris Extreme: A purple carebear? I could jerk off to this!
Chris looks and sees that there is another note attached to the care bear. He snatches it off and reads it.
Chris Extreme: "P.S. Here's someone that cares about you because no one else does."
Chris Extreme balls up the letter and tosses it aside.
Chris Extreme: Bullshit! You care about me! Right, guys? Guys?
Booger, Roscor, not Dr. Mengele utter not a single word, as they look suspiciously away.
Chris Extreme: Fine, fuck you guys, anyhow. I have a greasy wop that looks like a walking penis, and a lobster, to beat up.
He throws the Carebear against the wall and walks off, headed towards the high school cafeteria. Before we fade out, the camera zooms in on the purple Carebear, which smiles delightfully into the camera.
The scene opens up inside the shabby teacher's lounge of the Mexican high school hosting Back to School, where Adora and Morgana are lazing on the sort of hard, plastic chairs that are normally reserved for students. Morgy is fanning herself with an essay that she has folded into a fan, and her feet are propped up on a shabby coffee table that's littered with taco wrappers. Her World Title is next to her, gleaming under the dull overhead lights, and Adora's Television Title is over her shoulder.
Morgana: Ugh, I hate Mexico. It's so fucking hot. Haven't these people heard of air conditioning? I shouldn't have to use a D+ essay on the invention of the burrito as a fan. We should have just stayed at the hotel and gotten facials until our matches started.
Adora: Would you stop complaining? Besides, you're opening the card... you HAVE to be here.
Morgana: Why do you always have to be right? I'll kill you.
Adora: Alternatively, you could just stop being so dumb.
Morgana: That hurts. At least I didn't write this awful essay. It's probably The Masked Day Laborer's.
Adora: Or Dan Black's. That could be why he wanted to avoid this place; because his douchebaggery and shitty graduation picture would be on full display.
Morgana: I'm pretty sure he didn't grow up in Mexico, but I'm going to run with that idea anyway.
Adora: Mehehe, excellent.
Just then, a knock is heard at the door, interrupting the mindless babble and speculation of the wifeys.
Morgana: Get the door.
Adora: Meh, too lazy. You get the door.
Morgana: But what if it's Michael Cera?
Adora: Even worse. If it's Michael Cera, he doesn't have any reason to be in Mexico other than to personally see us get arrested for stalking him. I say we ignore it.
Morgana: You're just lazy, but you're also right.
Rather than answering the insistent knocking at the door, Morgy and Adora continue to talk amongst themselves as the scene fades to black.
The feed cuts backstage as the nazi Chris Extreme and his protege of sorts, Booger, walk down one of the halls. A hall monitor approaches them.
Hall Monitor: Do you have a hall pass?
Chris Extreme: Do I have a hall pass? What the fuck is this? High School?
Hall Monitor: Actually, yes. You either need a hall pass or a written note from your teacher or be on your period to be granted special hall-walking priviledges.
Chris Extreme: Oh. Well, we don't need a hall pass because Booger's on his period.
Booger: I am?
Chris Extreme: Shut up, lumpy. Of course, you're on your period. Can't you tell that's why you're bloated? So, as you can see Ms. Hall Monitor, you must let us through.
The hall monitor doesn't have much choice but to let the duo through.
Chris Extreme: Booger, remind me when we get home to warn the president of this. I didn't realize these soon-to-be-wetbacks were learning english before crossing the border.
Booger: Chris?
Chris Extreme: What, twin chins?
Booger: I'm hungry.
Chris Extreme: I thought you were on a diet?
Booger: I am! I haven't eaten in the last 20 minutes!
Chris Extreme: Okay, okay. Let's see if we can find you something in here.
Chris Extreme and Booger enter the high school cafeteria, which is just like any other high school cafeteria north of the border. Except, of course, there's a lunch truck parked inside. Chris Extreme and Booger are forced to wait behind the long line of students already waiting. At the front of the line there appears to be some asshole crying about his order.
Jimmy Luciano: I ordered a pizza. Not a fuckin' chalupa, comprende?
The catering truck cook scrapes the cheese and toppings off the chalupa and returns it to Jimmy Luciano.
Lunch Truck Cook: Pizza.
Not pleased, but hungry, Jimmy Luciano takes his order.
Jimmy Luciano: I'll pizza you, jerk!
He goes the salsa bar where he tries his best to make his order edible.
Jimmy Luciano: Maybe a little Tabasco will give this some kick.
Chris Extreme notices Jimmy Luciano at the bar and irish-whips Booger, knocking Jimmy Luciano's food out of his hands, and himself to the ground.
Booger: Mmm... PIZZA!
Chris Extreme: That's right my European negro, its your lord nazi, Chris Extreme and I'm going to...
Before Chris Extreme can finish, Sebastian York walks into the scene and gives him a sucker punch, catching Chris off-guard.
Chris Extreme: Why, you little blond barbie faggot...
Once again, catching Chris Extreme off-guard, Sebastian York stuffs a handful of hot peppers into Chris Extreme's mouth and forces him to bite the peppers, thanks to a quick punch to the maw.
Chris Extreme: AAHHH! He's poisoned me with salsa!
By now, Jimmy Luciano has freed himself of the over-grown Booger that was laying on top of him and goes back towards the lunch truck. He searches through the tub of drinks and finds a Corona. He grabs it by the neck and breaks the rest off on the side of the lunch truck and goes to join the fight against Chris Extreme.
Jimmy Luciano: You're dead now, Chris...
Before he can finish, the hall monitor that approached Chris Extreme and Booger earlier, tackles Jimmy Luciano and confiscates the broken beer bottle.
Hall Monitor: I'm going to have to write you up now, mister.
Jimmy Luciano kicks the hall monitor in the vagina, knocking the Hall Monitor back on her ass. He grabs the Hall Monitor's notepad and tears a sheet off so he can wipe his ass with.
Jimmy Luciano: Eat my shit, slut.
Sebastian York continues the assault on Chris Extreme as he sets him up for a DDT. Before Sebastian York can drive him to the ground, Chris Extreme picks Sebastian York off his feet and plants him with an atomic drop.
Sebastian York: OH, MY BALLS!
Chris Extreme capitalizes on Sebastian York's hurt testicles, as he slaps them with the back of his hand, before driving him to the floor with a DDT of his own.
Chris Extreme: Nut-Tap DDT, bitch. Vagina Tap for you!
Jimmy Luciano finally rejoins the fight, as he kneels behind Chris Extreme and hits him with a lowblow! Unfortunately for Luciano, Chris Extreme was wearing a cup to protect the family jewels.
Chris Extreme: Ah-ha!
Disgusted with Jimmy Luciano's sneakiness, Chris Extreme locks on a standing-headscissors. He berates Jimmy Luciano for being such a sneaky Italian and then plants him with a with the Power Trip powerbomb!
Meanwhile, in the distance, Sebastian York finds a plate full of nachos and flings the chips at Chris Extreme, as if they were ninja stars.
Chris Extreme: Oh! Those sneaky japs!
He turns to Sebastian York, who flings a tortilla chip into Chris's throat, temporarily choking him! Sebastian York takes the rest of the nachos and pours them down Chris Extreme's throat. Beandip, nacho cheese, and sour cream all go into Chris Extreme's mouth. Next, Sebastian York then pulls a strand of barbed-wire out from his pockets and wraps it around Chris Extreme's head, even stuffing some of the strands into Chris's mouth. The razor sharp barbs slice open Chris Extreme's skull as the blood pours out like a rich thick salsa.
Mexican Students: Mmm, Salsa!
The group of mexican kids run at Chris Extreme and begin licking away at Chris Extreme's head like a pack of illegal vampires.
Sebastian York turns his attention to Jimmy Luciano and Irish-whips him into the hall! Sebastian York grabs the fire extinguisher off the wall and sprays it in Luciano's direction. Managing to escape from the blast, Luciano opens the door to the music hall and runs inside.
The group of young mariachis in training stop their rehearsal as they're surprised by the chase of Luciano from York. Luciano grabs a guitar and swings it wildly at the running York, but York ducks, resulting in the guitar smashing to pieces by striking the wall! Reaching out, Sebastian York borrows one of the mariachi's trumpets, takes a deep breath and blows into it, next to Jimmy Luciano's ear, causing his eardrums to burst!
The accordion player mariachi, impressed with Sebastian York's talent, joins him; but Sebastian York has better plans, as he hits the accordion player over his head with the trumpet. The sombrero on the mariachi absorbs the impact however and the pissed-off mariachi kicks him in the nuts, before hitting him with a hurricanrana!
Chris Extreme enters the room impressed and goes to high-five the mariachi, or at least the mariachi thought so. Chris Extreme instead slaps the mariachi across the face and tears off his handlebar mustache.
Mariachi: Ay yi yi! Dios mio! I don't want to be gay!
Chris Extreme steals his sombrero, grabs a pair of maracas, and jumps on top of the teacher's desk.
Chris Extreme: I call this one the mariachi-gasm!
Chris Extreme shakes the maracas and dives off the desk, hitting a Nazigasm moonsault on the fallen Sebastian York!
Chris Extreme takes the boots away from the mustache-less mariachi and puts them on. At the same time, a half-deaf Luciano approaches Chris Extreme, but Chris hits him with the Haternator, and then kicks him in the nuts, following that up with a stunner!
Chris Extreme grabs Sebastian York by the hair to pick him up, but Sebastian York, instead, hits him with a jawbreaker. Sebastian York picks out one of the nacho chips embedded in Chris Extreme's skull, probably left behind by the vampire students, and eats it.
Sebastian York: It does taste like salsa!
Sebastian York grabs Chris Extreme by the boots and applies a Boston Crab. Chris Extreme cries out loud from the pain, as his back is contorted in ways it was never meant to.
Sensing a loss, out of nowhere, Jimmy Luciano clotheslines Sebastian York off of Chris Extreme!
Luciano flexes for the mariachis and then goes for another clothesline, but Sebastian York ducks! Sebastian York kicks him in the gut and hits a swinging neckbreaker, dropping Jimmy Luciano to the floor!
He covers him.
One of the mariachis acts as a referee and makes the count.
...1...2...
And Chris Extreme breaks up the pinfall with a double axehandle! Instead, Chris Extreme makes the cover...
...1...2...
However, Sebastian York kicks out!
Fed up, Chris Extreme goes to cover Jimmy Luciano.
...1...2...
But Sebastian York grabs the referee's leg and yanks him away, stopping the count. Angered at this, Chris Extreme uses his newly-acquired boots to kick Sebastian York in the back of the head!
Chris Extreme: Curbstomper, barbie!
Chris Extreme drags Jimmy Luciano to the teacher's desk and lays him on top of it. Chris Extreme digs into his boxers and begins touching himself, ferociously rubbing his cock. Unfortunately, Chris Extreme suffers from a brief lapse of erectile dysfunction! He looks to find something to turn him on.
He looks at the young mariachis, nothing.
He turns to the blonde Sebastian York, nothing there, either!
He even takes some of his own blood and rubs it on top of Jimmy Luciano's bald head and forces himself to believe it's Kitty Extreme's torn and bloody vagina... BUT NOTHING!
Eventually, he spots Yvonne Zapata, a hot Mexican school-girl, walking down the hallway and is immediately aroused. He pulls the boxers down around his ankles, but not before walking over to Yvonne, grabbing her hair, kissing her on the lips and then throwing her into a wall.
Meanwhile, Sebastian York gets up and walks towards Chris Extreme, who has turned his attention back to his opponents. Unfortunately for York, he walks right into a kick to the testicles from Extreme, knocking him over, allowing for Chris to then pound his crotch into Sebastian's forehead.
Chris Extreme returns to the teacher's desk and begins to ascend it. In the meantime, Jimmy Luciano senses what's coming next, shakes off some damage and leaps to his feet, where he then fights off Chris Extreme! A battle of fists ensue, but Chris gets the upper-hand by spitting in Jimmy Luciano's eye, temporarily blinding the Lust Champion. From upon the desk, he grabs Luciano's ears and pulls him up with him. In no time, Chris Extreme sends himself and Luciano through the desk, hitting The Cock Factor!
Fortunately for Chris, he lands atop Luciano, allowing for the pin to be made.
The mariachi ref drops to the floor.
...1...2...3!
Back at the ringside area, the bell rings, signalling that Chris Extreme has won the match. The new Lust Champion stands to his feet, has his hand raised by the referee and then marches off. Walking away, he goes to find Booger, wanting to celebrate the victory with him.
The camera shows a disappointed Sebastian York looking on, trying to figure out what just happened, while Jimmy Luciano struggles to regain his senses.
The image then fades out, showing Lex Robinson and Steve Hebert at the ringside area. Blank-faced, they blink, nod and begin to speak.
Lex Robinson: What the hell did we just watch?
Steve Hebert: I have no idea; but I think it was the greatest thing, ever.
Lex Robinson: Agreed.
Steve Hebert: Plus, Chris Extreme is the new Lust Champion, ending the reign of the walking penis, Jimmy Luciano! Whoo!
Again, the image fades out, returning to the backstage area.
Winner: Chris Extreme
In the back, Chris Staggs is shown, along with Mr. Feeney and Aron Swinger, and he is walking around with his Scooby Doo backpack on his shoulder, as he looks around, holding a card. A stage-hand walks by, only to be stopped by Chris Staggs.
Chris Staggs: Dude, can you help me? Where do I pick up my class schedule?
Confused, the stage-hand scratches his head.
Stage Hand: Uhm... What are you talking about?
Chris Staggs: Uh for school. I don't want to be another dropout.
Stage Hand: This is a wrestling event.
Chris Staggs: I've already been to a wrestling school. I took it three times.
Perplexed, the stage-hand speaks up.
Stage Hand: Uh... no, this is an actual federation. You know... with Morgana and Stevie Swing.
Chris Staggs: OH YEAH! STEVIE SWING! Whoo! Where is he?!
Stage Hand: Down the hall, in the home-ec. room.
Chris Staggs: Aron, I hope he makes some double fudge cookies.
Chris Staggs runs down the hall to the room. He bursts in the room, seeing Stevie Swing sitting down, taking the gear out of his bag.
Chris Staggs: STEVIE!
Stevie Swing: Uh Chad.
Chris Staggs corrects him.
Chris Staggs: Chris... but that is close. Anyway, I am so glad you are in this fed.
Stevie Swing: Uh, yeah.
Chris Staggs: Anyway I wanted to wish you good luck on your match.
Stevie Swing: Heh.
Chris Staggs: Wait, you don't need good luck. You are STEVIE SWING! The greatest dancer/wrestler, ever, in the history of the world. Heck, you are a better dancer and wrestler than Jesus!
Stevie thoughtfully thinks to himself.
Stevie Swing: Well, I can't disagree with that.
Chris Staggs: Anyway, now, I am going to go and win my match. I hope you like it.
Stevie Swing: Right, Craig.
Chris Staggs: FO SHO! Can I have your autograph?
Stevie Swing: What?
Chris Staggs: Nothing. Anyway, see ya.
Stevie Swing: Yeah, see ya.
Chris Staggs leaves Stevie Swing's locker room.
Stevie Swing: What a silly Craig. As if I need luck to beat Adora.
The camera then fades out.
The image returns to the ringside area, where Lexi Sheckler is already standing in the ring, waiting for her first SW match to start.
Steve Hebert: Hey, look, there's a random whore in the ring.
Lex Robinson: No, that's Lexi Sheckler. She's another newcomer.
Steve Hebert: Sheckler, eh? Sounds Jewish. What's a Jew doing down here in Mexico?
Lex Robinson: To wrestle?
Steve Hebert: Bah, women shouldn't be wrestling. At least that's what Chris Carson says.
FO SHO!
Steve Hebert: And who the Jesus is that guy? This is the goofiest and dumbest person, ever.
Lex Robinson: Actually, that's Chris Staggs, Steve. He's been around such federations as NEW, IW and the like. He's making his SW debut tonight; and rumor has it, that he idolizes Stevie Swing.
Steve Hebert: Rightfully so. That Stevie is a good fellow.
Ding, ding, ding!
Steve Hebert: And we take a time out to observe the Mexican marching band.
Lex Robinson: Uh, no, that's the ring bell. This match is starting.
Steve Hebert: Oh.
Chris Staggs and Lexi Sheckler meet up in the center of the ring. Chris offers to give Lexi a hug, but she rejects it and opts to kick him in the gut.
Steve Hebert: She should have just kicked him in the nuts.
Lex Robinson: Hmmm... he only wanted to hug her, I guess.
Keeping right on things, Lexi kicks him in the thigh, following that up with a crescent-kick to the stomach. Hopping backwards, Chris Staggs is taken aback, allowing for Lexi to whip him across the ring.
Lex Robinson: She sends Chris Staggs into the ropes. He bounces off, only to run right into a spin wheel kick from Lexi, who pops right back up and dropkicks him. As a result, Chris Staggs is sent chest-first into the corner, slamming against the pads.
Steve Hebert: Damn women. You can't live with him and you can't throw them down the stairs.
Lex Robinson: Following Chris in, Lexi climbs the ropes and starts to pound on Chris's head. Unfortunately for her efforts, Chris commences giggling at her punches, thereby agitating her.
Steve Hebert: He even tickles her!
Lex Robinson: That totally threw her off her game. This even allows for Chris to shove her off the ropes, heaving her to the canvas.
Steve Hebert: That's it. Throw the bitch to the ground!
Upset at being thrown off her game, Lexi rises and notices Chris Staggs charge out of the corner at her, trying to clothesline her. At the last second, she ducks beneath his arm, slides behind him and then leaps onto his shoulders, attempting a Victory Roll.
Lex Robinson: Lexi jumps onto Chris Staggs's shoulders, trying to roll him up, but her efforts are thwarted. Instead... Chris just calmly stands on his feet, laughing like a horny schoolgirl at Lexi's attempts.
Steve Hebert: Or maybe he's laughing at the fact her crotch is rubbing against his head. Either way, he wins.
Lex Robinson: Dropping backward, Chris sends Lexi flying to the ground with an Electric Chair Drop. Not only that, but he instantly lifts her back up and begins to punch her with rights and lefts.
Steve Hebert: I'm so sick of this man-on-woman violence!
Lex Robinson: It's just a wrestling match.
Having Lexi staggered, Chris backs her against the turnbuckle pads and then whips her across the ring. She happens to hit the opposite turnbuckle pads with such velocity, that she stumbles out of the corner, only to walk right into a super-kick from Chris Staggs!
Lex Robinson: What a kick!
Steve Hebert: He stole that from Stevie Swing, that thief!
Lex Robinson: Oh, so it was okay for Stevie to steal Morgana's moveset for over a month? But just as this new guy does it, he's the devil.
Steve Hebert: How dare you try and bring logic to this!
Lex Robinson: I'm just saying.
After hitting the kick, Chris Staggs stands in the middle of the ring, pointing to the back, while stating "For Stevie!"
Lex Robinson: See, if anything, it was a dedication.
Steve Hebert: This guy's a fucking lunatic. Someone call the local asylum and tell them to free a bed.
Lex Robinson: Allowing for Lexi to stand, Chris stands back, waiting for her to rise. Sneaking up on her, he... uh... he slaps her on the butt.
Steve Hebert: The bitch needs a good slap on the ass.
Lex Robinson: That slap knocks her forward, but not far enough for Stevie to not grab her. He lifts her up onto his shoulders with a fireman's carry... and begins to spin around. Is this... no way... it's an Airplane Spin!
Steve Hebert: That's right, everyone, we just time-lapsed right back into 1984.
Lex Robinson: He goes around, and around, finally stopping to let Lexi get to her feet. Both of them are dizzy, stumbling around, trying to grasp onto anything.
Steve Hebert: She can stumble into my cock, if she wants.
Lex Robinson: Grossies. Anyhow, Lexi stumbles right into Chris Staggs, who instantly "snaps" out of it. Right away, he applies a sleeperhold... only to then convert it into a side Russian legsweep! Scooby Snacked!
Steve Hebert: What the shit?
Lex Robinson: That's his move! He covers Lexi...
The referee counts...
...1...2...3!
Lex Robinson: Chris Staggs get his first SW victory!
Steve Hebert: Yay? I could care less. He should be sued for stealing Stevie's patented superkick.
Lex Robinson: No.
Before the camera fades out, Chris Staggs rolls to the floor, celebrates with Mr. Feeney and Aron Swinger, even bringing the party into the audience. Still light-headed, Chris Staggs stumbles into various fans, accidentally knocking their popcorn over, as the image fades out.
Winner: Chris Staggs
A familiar scene and situation opens in the backstage area. It's the image of Roxy Erikson, holding her Purity Title, and holding a bad containing a white, powdery substance. Rocking back and forth, Roxy looks to be seconds away from spilling the contents of the bag out and snorting it, but stops when a painful cramp erupts from her chest and stomach.
Roxy Erikson: This sweet Mexican nose candy...
Another sharp pain occurs. Displeased, Roxy places the bag down and walks to the bathroom, hoping to rid herself of the pain and discomfort.
Roxy Erikson: Ugh, not feeling good.
She walks off, leaving the bag with the white, powdery substance laying next to her title. They are soon joined by another figure, though; that which does not belong to Roxy. Instead, Chris Carson is shown standing there, with a disgusting look on his face.
Chris Carson: It's sickening what these women are up to.
He grabs the bag, shuffles it and then tosses it into a nearby garbage can. He then pulls out another bag containing a white substance and replaces it where the original bag had been.
Chris Carson: This should straighten her out.
Making sure everything is in place, Chris Carson walks away. Seconds later, Roxy Erikson steps out from the bathroom, still looking quite haggard, and stumbles towards her title and bag. Picking the Purity Title up, she places it over her left shoulder, grabs her bag and storms off.
As "My Perogative" by Britney Spears hits, the lights dim. A spotlight flashes onto Roxy, who is Wearing a floor length leopard print fur coat and is Holding a the Purity Title in her left hand and a bag of cocaine in her right. Prancing to the ring, she arrives at the ringside area, much to the pleasure of the fans in the arena.
Steve Hebert: Dear God, that bitch looks haggard and worn out.
Lex Robinson: This is a Purity Title match. An elimination match, to be more exact.
Steve Hebert: With Roxy, Flame and Stryker Graff, no less. The latter two all returning. Stryker Graff is a dreamy fellow, Lex.
Lex Robinson: I'm sure he is.
Steve Hebert: Right now, Roxy Erikson is getting into the ring. Before she does, though, she lays her title down on the ringside apron and pours out the contents in her plastic baggy. What do you think that white stuff is? I bet it's ejaculate.
Lex Robinson: Uh, I think we all know what that really is, Steve.
Steve Hebert: Hmmm... she's cutting it up in a line, all on that title belt, too. I guess that title isn't very pure, after all.
Lex Robinson: And she goes to snort it... yup.
Steve Hebert: Ahh... the sweet, sweet nose candy.
Hunched over the apron, Roxy snorts the powdery substance, ingesting it all, as if it were her one last fix. The veins in her eyes constrict, her heart rate fastens and her world swings around. Blood begins to trickle from Roxy's nose, as the scene starts to become a haze for her.
Lex Robinson: Uh... Roxy just snorted something, but something isn't going right...
Steve Hebert: She's supposed to have a match right now. What the heck is she doing?
Lex Robinson: She huddles over, holding her stomach and her head. This is not good. I've never seen her do this before.
Steve Hebert: The bitch better brush it off. We have a title to defend!
Lex Robinson: This looks serious...
Seconds after Lex saying that, Roxy becomes light-headed and passes out on the floor, hushing the crowd in the area. An ominous gloom spreads over everyone as random officials hurry out from the back and gather around Roxy, trying to keep the camera away from viewing her fallen body.
Lex Robinson: This... is not good.
Steve Hebert: Meh, is she dead or what? Actually, who cares? Let's get this match started!
A stretcher is wheeled out and Roxy is helped onto it. A hush continues to pervade through the crowd, not knowing what is going on to Roxy, the Purity Champ. As she is wheeled away, an official places her title over her body.
Lex Robinson: I don't think we're having that match. This is a more serious matter.
The haze of officials disappear behind the curtain, with the camera following close behind.
Lex Robinson: We have our camera following things. You don't supposed Chris Carson had something to do with this, do you?
Steve Hebert: No way, never!
Lex Robinson: Ehh...
The cameraman keeps a few steps away, in the backstage area, watching as Roxy Erikson is wheeled out of the school and towards an awaiting ambulance. Soon enough, she is lifted into the hatch of the emergency vehicle, which then turns on its lights and pulls away.
Lex Robinson: I... I don't know what to say? I guess the Purity Title match is off?
Steve Hebert: Say what? They can't do this, can they?
Lex Robinson: She is not well. Not well, at all. This could be awful...
Steve Hebert: I tell you what's awful: you.
The camera slowly fades out, as confusion and panic sets in.
Dan Black is in the backstage area, sitting on a stool, thinking about his loss to Morgana. Tearing himself up over it, he seemingly wants to be left alone, as he hunches over, trying to think things through. His concentration is soon bested, though, as loud hooting and hollering can be heard headed towards him. Looking up, he sees Buck Travis, along with The Masked Day Laborer, walking his way. He gets up, wanting to tell them to hitch a hike, but is accidentally bumped into by Buck Travis, who had been looking to the side, talking to The Masked Day Laborer.
Buck Travis: Ay, boy, I thought you were never gonna get here. I would have had to pay a heckuva lot, otherwise.
The Masked Day Laborer nods.
Buck Travis: But now I'm good to go--...
It's then that he bumps into Dan Black, who is looking angry.
Dan Black: Get the hell out of here. This place is occupied.
Buck Travis: Hey, now, lookie here, this is a free world. We weren't bothering you.
Dan Black: I told you to move it!
Buck Travis: But--...
Dan Black: You don't want to move? Then I'll force you.
Just then, Dan Black grabs Buck's head and heaves him off to the side, smashing him into the wall. Next, Dan goes to kick Buck, but he is apprehended by The Masked Day Laborer, who tries to intervene, hoping to help his friend, Buck Travis.
Dan Black: Now what?!
Turning around, Dan notices The Masked Day Laborer attempting to save his pal, but shrugs off the attack. Instead, Dan knees him in the ground, grabs his head and throws him head-long into the school wall, putting a hole in the plaster. Falling to the floor, The Masked Day Laborer holds his head, his mask having coming off, thanks to it getting stuck in the wall.
Dan Black: I told you morons to go away.
With the mask still hanging from the side of the wall, Dan Black picks it up, looks at it and then walks away, having it in his hand. The camera then moves down, showing Buck Travis knocked out on the floor, with The Masked Day Laborer next to him -- except he is no longer masked. Laying next to Buck Travis is the wrestler formerly known as Johnnyboy; and thanks to Dan Black, he isn't in good shape.
The image then fades out.
The Electric Six's "Dance Epidemic" hits, and the fans start to boo, as Stevie Swing appears on the ramp. He smiles before busting a move at the top of the ramp, drawing more heat. Stevie then rushes the ring and slides in under the bottom rope, performing a somersault as he jumps to his feet, giving another cheesy grin to the crowd, who continue to pour on the boos. Stevie's grin fades to a look of confusion as he goes to cover his ears... the booing continues.
Steve Hebert: Finally!
Lex Robinson: It's officially main event time!
Steve Hebert: Hence my "finally".
Lex Robinson: Do you have plans elsewhere, Steve?
Steve Hebert: Yeah, with your mom; hurrr hurrr.
"Plastic" by Basia Lyjak hits and Adora promptly emerges from backstage, carrying her Television Title over her right shoulder, her first appearance since apparently being kidnapped at the last Eternity. Stuff and shit happens, and poop flies. The end.
Lex Robinson: And there's Adora, our Television Champion!
Steve Hebert: Think she was brutally raped while she was kidnapped?
Lex Robinson: God... who knows? Why even speculate on such awful things?
Steve Hebert: Come on, aren't you at least a bit curious?
Lex Robinson: No! My god, if anything, I'm wondering who kidnapped her.
Steve Hebert: Well... yeah, but I'm also interested in the finer details!
Sliding into the ring, Adora keeps a keen eye on Stevie Swing, who sits back in the corner, watching her.
Lex Robinson: What I'm also wondering is the well-being o Stevie Swing's left leg. In the two matches against Morgana, it was worked over; both times eventually leading to his own downfall. Was he able to nurse it properly over the vacation?
Steve Hebert: I sure hope so.
Handing the title over to the referee, Adora leans back, watching as Stevie Swing now steps forward. Eventually, they both circle each other, as if sizing the other up.
Lex Robinson: Here we go... we're about to get things started.
Steve Hebert: Stevie Swing is looking to get a good shot in on the Wifey.
Lex Robinson: In all honesty, after two straight losses to Morgana, I don't blame him. His obsession with her perhaps lead to his own un-doing; so, now, he needs to clear his head and focus on winning.
Steve Hebert: I just wanted to give Morgana a stiff titty-fucking.
Lex Robinson: And look how far that got him.
Adora and Stevie are seconds away from locking-up, when the lights in the arena go out and the spotlight shines towards the entrance. On the loudspeaker, "You Think I Ain't Worth A Dollar, But I Feel Like A Millionaire" by the Queens of the Stone Age plays, thus bringing out Chris Carson, with a microphone in hand.
Lex Robinson: Oh God, now what?
Steve Hebert: Maybe it's time to officially bring out the returning legend!
Lex Robinson: He better do it in a hurry; because we have a match to get to. Both Adora and Steve Swing were imminently locking up, but thanks to "The Creep", it's no longer the case. They both stand in the center of the ring, though, looking up at Chris Carson, quite interested in what he is saying -- or what he is going to say.
An assortment of boos pour in, stopping Chris Carson from talking, just as he lifts the microphone up to his mouth.
Steve Hebert: Shhhhh. Will these idiots please shut up? We have something important going on here! Stupid Mexicans. Go back to trying to illegally jump the border! I oughta send Lou Dobbs after each and every one of you.
Lex Robinson: To be fair, you're just as obnoxious as the fans.
Given enough time, the fans slowly hush, allowing for Chris Carson to speak.
Chris Carson: I know you're all hoping to see Adora take on Steve Swing... but guess what? It ain't happening! We've got other matters to discuss here!
A loud boo roars in.
Lex Robinson: Say what?
Steve Hebert: If this means we get to leave Mexico early, I'm happy. I'm looking forward to having a clean shower to wash the filth off myself from being here.
Lex Robinson: But this was supposedly our main event!
Steve Hebert: Didn't you hear Chris Carson? He said there's more important matters to tend to! Such as the return of a legend.
Chris Carson continues, speaking over the boos.
Chris Carson: I know you're all waiting for the return of a legend; and believe me, it's coming, but first, I want to deliver something else. Something that pertains to you, Adora...
From the entrance, Chris Carson points at Adora, who calmly listens in.
Chris Carson: About you and your kidnapping.
Lex Robinson: Hmmm...
Adora's eyes definitely perk up, now. For sure, she is wanting to hear this.
Steve Hebert: Was she raped? Maybe even fondled?!
Lex Robinson: Shut it.
Chris Carson continues.
Chris Carson: I bet you're wondering who did it. In fact, you probably already know. However, you don't know how or why. Adora, it was Charlie. Charlie kidnapped you. You certainly know him, don't you?
Steve Hebert: Charlie? Who the hell is Charlie?
Lex Robinson: That's Adora's husband... or ex-husband... or something or other!
Steve Hebert: Oh God... a marriage gone wrong. I love it.
Lex Robinson: Rumors swirled around, proclaiming he was the one that did it. We've also heard the rumors that he wasn't quite... "right". But why? And how?!
Steve Hebert: Perhaps if you'll shut up, we'll find out. Now that's a good idea.
Chris Carson: Oh yeah, we all know Charlie. Even me.
Lex Robinson: How the hell?
Chris Carson: Because... you see, it was me who let Charlie into the building! It was me that pointed him in the right direction! It was me who helped him take you away!
Shocked, Adora raises an eyebrow and looks around at the fans, feeling quite paranoid about things.
Chris Carson: It was one less woman around the scenes, ruining things for the people that fought so hard to gain everything. You were one less tramp, running around, as if you owned the place. "Team Wifey"... you guys make me sick. You have no respect for this business!
A loud jeer pours in from the audience, but that doesn't stop Chris Carson from talking.
Chris Carson: But...
He pauses, letting the suspense build up.
Chris Carson: But I wasn't the one that came up with the idea. Charlie wasn't the one that came up with the idea. The person that came up with the idea...
Lex Robinson: This is sick. Who the hell would think of something so insane and awful?
Chris Carson: He's standing right behind you.
Lex Robinson: ...The hell?
Chris Carson: Stevie Swing came up with the idea!
Confused, a puzzled Adora turns around... only to walk right into The Last Dance superkick from Steve Swing, who uses his left leg to deliver the blow.
Steve Hebert: Bam! I guess his left leg is okay, after all!
Lex Robinson: My God... what the shit?!
Steve Hebert: And he hasn't even announced the returning legend, yet!
Lex Robinson: Is it true? Did Stevie Swing really set this entire thing up? I mean, it'd make sense. It'd get Adora out of the way, leaving Morgana all to himself... Jesus.
Steve Hebert: All I know is that Stevie walloped that bitch in the face with his foot. She had it coming, I say.
Lex Robinson: This is very, very disturbing. Why? I mean... goddamn.
Steve Hebert: God, you're sounding crazier than my ex-wife.
Stevie Swing stands over Adora, shrugging his shoulders, looking down at her unconscious form. Chris Carson, in the meantime, continues to deliver his speech, returning to the issue at hand.
Chris Carson: Now, with that out of the way, we have a very pressing matter to get to.
Steve Hebert: Hooray! Adora seems to be dead, Stevie Swing stands over her and we're going to have th announcement!
Chris Carson: And that is... the return of a legend! He's no Killjoy...
Chris Carson smirks.
Chris Carson: But he is the man of the Millennia...
He winks into the camera.
Chris Carson: He is...
Chris Carson rips off his jacket, throwing it to the ground.
Chris Carson: Me!
Steve Hebert: Whoa! He's back! "The Creep" is back!
Lex Robinson: Ugh... and he's headed to the ringside area, joining Stevie Swing, who sits Adora up. Running down, Chris Carson slides into the ring, much to the chagrin of everyone in attendance. Man, these people hate him.
Steve Hebert: These people don't know better. They're Mexican, what do you expect?
Thanks to Stevie Swing holding Adora, Chris Carson is able to easily enter the ring and hammer away at her face with punches and kicks. Soon, Stevie heaves Adora towards "The Creep", who catches her, and then delivers a neckbreaker.
Lex Robinson: This is just awful. Everyone involved in this entire mess should be ashamed of themselves.
Steve Hebert: Hey, Chris Carson is just doing his part to sweep the whores out of Sin Wrestling. You gotta give him credit.
Lex Robinson: Adora lays prone in the ring, having Chris Carson stomp at her. Before long, Chris Carson has her placed in a camel-clutch type move. He places his left hand across Adora's chin, his right across her mouth, digs his knee into her lower-back and begins pulling back.
Steve Hebert: Adora better be made out of rubber. With the way she's bent, there's nothing healthy, whatsoever, about it.
Lex Robinson: Chris Carson continues pulling back, while Stevie Swing watches on, smirking.
Everyone's attention turns towards the entranceway, where Morgana is seen, running out, holding a steel chair in her hand. The World Champ hustles to the ringside area and slides inside, still with the chair in hand.
Lex Robinson: Here's Morgana!
Steve Hebert: Oh, fuck that bitch.
Lex Robinson: As soon as he sees her, Stevie Swing hops out of the ring, charging to safety, as does Chris Carson, who relinquishes the hold on Adora! They both roll out to the floor, before Morgana can get a smack at either of them. Those cowards! I can't believe Stevie Swing set this whole thing up... or did he? I don't even know. Goddamn. I mean... he had to.
Steve Hebert: Hell, even Chris Carson says so. And if "The Creep" says it's true, then it's true.
Lex Robinson: This is just... mind-fucking.
Steve Hebert: Hey, you don't swear! I'm the one that's supposed to do all the swearing around this place!
Lex Robinson: Yeah, yeah. All of that, and we didn't even have a match.
Steve Hebert: I want my damn money back!
Lex Robinson: But all money for this event is going towards poor Mexican children.
Steve Hebert: ...Even more reason to want my money back!
Lex Robinson: Ugh... this... this is so... insane. We'll see you at Eternity #15, folks.
The final images from Back to School 4 is that of Morgana, still wielding the chair, checking on Adora; while Chris Carson and Stevie Swing exit to the back, not being liked by the audience, at all.
Winner: n/a (No Decision)