Event Date: Wednesday, February 2nd, 2011.
Theme Song: Screeching Weasel - "Murder in the Bradyhouse"
With a great drawl, he begins to speak.
Governor: Hear ye, hear ye, we stand here on the 2nd of February to celebrate the coming of our great Phil, in this lovely town of Punxsutawney.
Cheers and claps are heard.
Governor: On this day, we shall find out if we shall have 6 more weeks of winter, or shall we not. We will bequeathed by our longtime ally, Punxsutawney Phil, who will inform of us of mother nature's intentions...
Corey Page sits besides the governor, rolling his eyes in disgust at the usage of the language and with the amount of time the "governor" is taking.
Governor: Please, gather 'round, let us welcome Phil to our gathering. Adamp your full attention and acquiesce your contentment with his arrival. Let us--...
An angry and annoyed Corey Page snatches the microphone from the "governor"'s clutches.
Corey Page: Give me that fucking thing. Jesus Christ.
Corey turns to Chris Extreme, who is above a box, which has the groundhog hole beneath it.
Corey Page: Alright, Chris Extreme, get ready. Get that goddamn rat-like groundhog out here. I have sulking to do.
A confused silence spreads across the fans and audience. With a hand signal from Corey Page, who wheels himself over to Chris, the signal to lift the box off the ground is given. Taking a deep breath, Chris pulls the box off the ground and the crowd stands in anticipation.
Corey Page: Here we go, Punxsutawney Phil, come out and get your dick sucked.
...!
The box is up and nothing happens. Everyone stands around, looking dumbfounded.
Corey Page: Well, what the fuck is it? Is it 6 more weeks or winter or is it an early spring? What the fuck?
Chris Extreme: Uh...
The crowd is abuzz, not knowing where the groundhog has gone.
Corey Page: Come out, you little dipshit. Reach in there and get that fucker out.
Heeding Corey Page's orders, Chris Extreme rolls up his sleeve and wags his tongue out of his mouth, dipping his arm into the hole, as if reaching inside of a gaping asshole. Reaching aroumd, a puzzled expression is on his face.
Corey Page: We don't have all day. We have matches to get to. Jesus Christ.
Chris Extreme: There's... there's... there's nothing in here!
Corey Page: What the hell?
The fans are shocked, expecting to see Punxsutawney Phil crawl out of the hole and warn them about the upcoming winter. Unfortunately, all they're left with is Chris Extreme on his hands and knees, shoulder deep into a hole. Wiggling around, Chris springs to life.
Chris Extreme: Whoa... wait... wait... motherfucking wait! I have something!
Corey Page: Oh, thank God. Punxsutawney Phil, everybody!
Yanking his arm out of the hole, Chris Extreme pulls out... a Bible.
Corey Page: A Bible?! What the Christ?
Ironically enough, the Bible seems to be from Christ Carson. Chris Extreme pulls it up, opens the cover and reads aloud.
Chris Extreme: 'Dear Chris Extreme, you haven't destroyed me yet. Tonight we sign our contract and I promise armageddon.' Well, this was fucking gay.
Tossing the Bible into the audience, Chris gets to his feet and stumbles off, annoyed at what has happened, having Christ Carson play mindgames with him. This leaves Corey Page and several other Sin Wrestling members standing aloof on stage, without the groundhog making an appearance.
Corey Page: ...Will someone find that goddamn groundhog? For the love of fuck, find that awful thing.
The crowd is abuzz and Corey Page is annoyed. What a way to start the show.
'Daft Punk Is Playing At My House' by LCD Soundsystem instantly blares over a sold-out crowd, allowing Bucky Gunts to charge through the curtains and hop around the stage, while bobbing his head like a terrible German DJ. Prancing down the ramp, he does a little dance and finally springs off a little trampoline, to the inside of the ring, like an a.d.h.d. American child. After settling himself properly inside the ring, he hassles the referee; demanding him to call for the bell.
To begin the match, Bucky Gunts stumbles around the ring, as Kason Kreed jumps at him with a couple of leaping0forearm smashes to the back of the head. The impact sends Gunts stumbling forward, into the turnbuckles, where Kreed turns him around and starts pounding out some hard right hands. The crowd roars in the background, happy to see Kason stop the pervert known as Bucky.
Kason Kreed whips Gunts across the ring and bounces him off the turnbuckles and into a high-elevation back bodydrop! Gunts quickly rolls to his feet and takes a running side-elbow to the jaw that knocks him to the mat.
Right away, Kason Kreed covers...
...1...2...!
...but only gets a a two count!
Kason waits for Bucky to get up, then delivers a boot to the gut and an axe kick that knocks the freak onto his stomach! He follows that up a leaping legdrop to the back of the head, seconding it by landing a standing moonsault!
Showing no fear of pain, Kason Kreed rolls Bucky onto his back and hooks a leg...!
...1...2...!
Again, Bucky kicks out!
Annoyed, Kas headed up to the turnbuckles, as Gunts stands and vaults off with an attempted hurricanrana, except Gunts dodged to the side and increases Kason’s plummeting velocity by pulling on his hair! With a thud, Kason lands hard on the mat, to a legion of groans from the crowd, who then starts booing as Bucky starts stomping on her opponent, with vicious precision.
Slowly, but surely, Kason fights his way up to a standing base in the corner, which only cuts himself off from escape, as Gunts barrels in with a diving-shoulderblock into his gut.
The crowd boos again as Gunts reels Kason into a front-facelock and snaps him backwards with a DDT! Kason lays motionless on the mat, while Gunts grins widely. The freak taunted the crowd as Kason slowly rolled to his feet and tried to stand up. As he did, Gunts turned around and reels him into a standing headscissors… ...only to be hit by the..
...WAISTBAND PILEDRIVER!
Kason twitches on the mat as the crowd started to boo loudly as Gunts spun to his feet and yelled “I FUCKED HIM! IN THE ASS!” Gunts reels Kason back into a standing headscissors one more time. Hoisting Kason up, Bucky is soon to hit the jumping-piledriver, which leaves him knocked silly!
Bucky Gunts cackles a man, cackling like a madman as he lazily covers Kason. ....1...2...3!
...no!
To a huge crowd explosion, Kason had has out barely out, in the nick of time. Gunts cocks his head in slight surprise, as the crowd starts stomping and clapping until Bucky's drowned them all out with a double arm DDT! The move stoned Kason into the mat, Gunts rolled him over and hooked the leg.
...1...2...!
...or not.
Gunts pinned Kason’s shoulder to the mat, pushing all his weight and strength down.
...1...2...!
...No! He kicks out! After this, Gunts hooks both legs of Kreed and cradles him up...!
...1...2...3!
Able to squeak out a victory, even Bucky is surprised. Jumping to his feet, he climbs up and hold his hands in the air, getting a very mixed ovation. Holding onto the referee, he is hoisted to his feet by the referees.
Winner: Bucky Gunts
Then, suddenly...
He’s blindsided and thrown to the mat like a rag doll by a massive big boot to the skull...!
Deicide Anthony Elverum: Show him why you’re the future! Show him, Jihad!
Deicide steps into the ring, walking between the ropes, watching as his prize-possession beats on poor Bucky Gunts.
Jeremiah Jihad reaches down and uses his hands to grab Gunts by the throat and lifts him above his head, only to toss him across the ring! He picks up the seemingly unconscious Gunts by the hair and throws him up over his shoulders and body racks him to the point where you could swear to yourself that Gunts has been cut in half by the sheer force!
Deicide Anthony Elverum: This is what you’re all going to see in the coming months as Jeremiah Jihad destroys all challengers on his way to immortality! Praise him now. Love him now. Admire him now, for he will be your savior when the dust finally settles.
Jihad continues to pummel Gunts until every visible part of his body is bruised and begging for it to stop, but it hasn’t and it won’t. Deicide pulls back Gunts by his hair and spits in his face.
Deicide Anthony Elverum: That reminds me of a moment I shared with a former Crusade Heavyweight Champion as I took it from him. Jake Norton was his name, and he is the first guest on Deicide’s Domain!
Out of nowhere, "All You Need Is Love" by The Beatles plays as Jake Norton cheerfully makes his way down the entrance ramp and into the ring to greet Deicide and Jeremiah Jihad, who continues to beat on Bucky Gunts throughout the entire interview.
Deicide takes a couple of steps closer to Jihad, as he nods his head at Norton’s direction.
Deicide Anthony Elverum: I asked you to be the first guest on my new talk show of sorts, so that we can clear the air, so to speak. I know it wasn’t long enough that Redmaine and I attacked you inside of a steel ring, leaving you beaten up and bloodied.
Deicide stops and looks over Gunts, kicking him in the gut, which garners huge heat.
Deicide Anthony Elverum: Sorry, had to do that. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that it was not my intention to do that. The blame should entirely lay at the feet of Redmaine, for he was the one who initiated it! I only acted on instinct, and for that, I am truly sorry.
Norton shakes his head, and then looks around the arena, seeing the disgust on the faces of the fans. He asks for another mic, receives it, and then...
Jake Norton: You know, Deicide Anthony Elverum... If that is indeed your name... It’s OK that you beat me into a bloody nothing. It’s OK that you almost ended my career. It’s simply OK.
The fans angrily boo and jeer at his response. He continues after a pause.
Jake Norton: I had an epiphany during that brutal moment of violence, and I finally realized what it all meant. Why we’re all here. And why I continue to attempt to... well, do anything at all anymore. You see, I could feel the pain from you as you threw blow after blow after blow...after blow... after blow... And it brought somehow I have never been for a long time now. It brought me back home, Deicide. And I want to thank you for that.
He spreads his arms towards Deicide. He hesitates for a brief moment and then fully hugs the man he nearly destroyed a month ago.
Deicide Anthony Elverum: Oh, Jake... I am so thankful... So thankful...
Deicide smiles to Jake, and then to Jihad, who continues to further stomp into a very broken Bucky Gunts. But with Jihad’s back turned, Jake grabs Deicide by the wrist, spins him around, and...
Hits a uranage -- Norton style!
The crowd goes fucking insane as Jake leaps out of the ring before Jihad could get his gigantic hands on him. Deicide lays motionless on the canvas, while the fans are in an uproar. As Jake heads backstage, a multitude of Redmaine's apprentices hop over the ring barricade and surround the ring. Jeremiah Jihad, while standing over Deicide, looks around, preparing for danger.
Slowly, but surely, Redmaine's followers slink and slither around the outside, with Jeremiah trying to keep them at bay. After several tense moments, the apprentices slide inside and go right after Jeremiah Jihad, jumping at him, trying to take him down!
Fists and bodies are flying everywhere! Redmaine's apprentices jump on him, trying to bring him down; but he blasts one with a fist, sends another one flying with a stiff boot and harshly forearms the other! Eventually, it's too much, the hordes of followers jump atop him, bringing him to his knees, whilst pounding away on him.
Redmaine comes out from the back, stomping down to the ringside area, with Lady Arwen at his side. Walking past his followers, he slides into the ring and heads straight towards Deicide, who is trying to get back to his feet. Right away, he attacks and both he and Deicide and they fire rights and lefts at each other!
A gigantic brawl erupts inside the ring, with Jeremiah Jihad trying to pry the apprentices off him, tossing several of them over the top rope and to the floor. He goes over to Redmaine and tries to pry him away from Deicide; but before he can, a myriad of referees charge into the ring.
The referees get between both men and try to get Jeremiah and the apprentices out of the ring; but it's futile. Even more officials come out and soon things die down, despite Lady Arwen trying to attack several officials and referees. In due time, a sense of calm and peacefulness returns to the ringside area, after the chaos that had erupted.
Corey Page: I don't know where it could be. Where is that retarded groundhog?
Chris Extreme: Fuck it.
Corey Page: What?
Corey stops rolling and looks up at Chris, who is looking inside of the Bible.
Chris Extreme: This thing is a piece of shit and full of lies. What about the dinosaurs, huh? What about the goddamn dinosaurs?! Did fucking Noah jam those faggot dinosaurs on his ark, too? Great Flood my ass. The only Great Flood was the one coming out of my asshole after I ate tacos. This piece of shit should be burnt.
Corey Page: ...but what does this have to do with that awful groundhog?
Chris Extreme: Oh, really, Noah had a groundhog on his ark? Did he? Huh?
Throwing the Bible into the trash, Chris walks off, still talking to himself.
Chris Extreme: Adam and Eve? Are you fucking kidding me? Eve was a shorebag. She oculdn't resist the cock. Anyone that thinks the Bible is truthful should jump in front of a speeding train. The Bible is just a collection of fables, like the goat and the sheep; and the ant and the grasshopper. Sickening. I hope every asshole that believes this shit kills themselves.
Stopping his tracks, Chris looks over his shoulder and realizes he is all alone.
Chris Extreme: Wait, I'm supposed to look for that faggot groundhog, aren't I?
The person behind the camera nods -- yes.
Chris Extreme: How the fuck am I supposed to know? All I was supposed to do was lift a box! And then I had to reach in and all I got was a stupid, piece of shit book about fairy tales. Ugh.
Seeing Bucky Gunts sitting on a bench, Chris Extreme goes to walk towards him. Corey Page is there, too, talking to Bucky. Chris rushes up... only to have Corey roll in front of him!
Corey Page: Out of the goddamn way.
Chris Extreme: I'm doing what you told me! I'm trying to find that stupid animal. I thought that pervert, Bucky Gunts, would have it. That's all.
Corey Page: Yeah, well, no dice.
Behind Corey and Chris, out of their sights, the groundhog climbs out of a gleeful Bucky Gunts' pants. Chris shrugs, not knowing what to do.
Chris Extreme: Well, it has to be around here somewhere!
Corey Page: Look harder, then.
Chris Extreme: Don't tell John Locke what he can't do.
Annoyed, Chris Extreme walks past Corey Page. In his sights is Xander Gates, who is sitting down, observing the bloodstained chair he uses on Lee Kemp. Pulling out a chair, he grips it tightly, while Chris Extreme walks up to him.
Chris Extreme: Hey, pedophile.
Xander looks at him, not giving him a response.
Xander Gates: ...
Chris Extreme: Hey, child molestor, answer my question.
Xander Gates: ...
Chris Extreme: Did an altar boy take your tongue or something? Did you lose your tongue in an altar boy molesting incident? Has your voice box been fucked to death by children?
Getting to his feet, Xander stares Chris Extreme in the eye, while playing with the steel chain in his hands.
Xander Gates: Unless you're Lee Kemp, I've got nothing for you.
Chris Extreme: Well, that's not nice. I was only asking a question! Sheesh.
Xander plays with the chain some more.
Xander Gates: At Broken Hearts, there's no getting away from each other. I'm going to end Lee Kemp's career for good. He should have stayed away from the wrestling ring. Coming back here was the worst idea he ever had. Stepping into the ring with me will be his downfall.
Chris Extreme: Downfall? The movie about Hitler? Yes, it was a good movie, I know.
Setting the edge of the chair down and leaning on it, Xander winces.
Xander Gates: If you see Lee Kemp, tell him I'm coming for him.
Out of the corner of his eye, Chris Extreme notices the groundhog run past. This makes him cut his time short.
Chris Extreme: Hey, wait. I've got to go. Before I go, if you preach to Christ Carson, tell him that I'm signing that contract tonight and I'm doing it in his blood. K?
In a rush, Chris Extreme walks away from Xander Gates, in hot pursuit of the groundhog. Running frantically after it, he almost bumps into the Department of H.A.R.M.'s Generic Heel and CAPS LOCK, who are huddled over in a deep discussion. As their focus is interrupted, Chris goes to warn them of an incoming Travis Miller, who is charging at them, fists clenched.
Chris Extreme: Hey-- oh...
Within seconds, Travis Miller is pummelling away on them, punching the life out of both of them, while Generic Heel gives gay cries and shouts. Like a man scorned, he wildly launches himself on both men, bodyslamming Generic Heel onto CAPS LOCK, while Chris Extreme watches.
Chris Extreme: Hey, any of you faggots seen a groundhog around here?
No reply. Travis Miller continues kicking and stomping on them.
Chris Extreme: Well, fuck it. No one answers. What awful people. I'll find that fucking groundhog and I'll feed it to Chris Carson, for fuck's sake.
An annoyed and puzzled Chris Extreme stomps off, in a hurry.
The arena gently sinks into a soft, purple haze. A light guitar gently rocks the speakers and queues up a gentle siren-esque wail.
I watched you change, into a fly
I looked away, you were on fire
Lisa Seldon steps lightly onto the stage, slinking through the wash of purple smoke and stepping to the stages edge. She closes her eyes, smiles and lets slip a smile as she lifts her palms up to the sky.
I watched a change in you
It's like you never had wings
She makes a slow descent off the ramp, touching base with a few fans before skipping up onto the apron. She lands on one knee, allowing her to lean back off the ropes and take a look around the room before slipping through the ropes.
Now you feel so alive
I've watched you change
The bell kicks the action off and brings both competitors circling toward the centre of the ring. Estelle tries to lock hands, but Lisa takes it another way and bashes her with a sweeping leg kick that sends her yelping away. Lisa goes to follow, but Estelle backs up under the top-rope and orders the referee to keep her at bay while she recovers.
Rubbing her leg, Estelle goes about, looking quite cross, while Lisa shadow boxes for effect. The two then move to the centre again, with Lisa testing a few kicks to keep her at bay, but it doesn't hold Estelle off for long, as she manages to shoot at the right time and come up with a rear waistlock. Lisa bases herself to stop a takedown and cracks Estelle's hands to break her grip; then drops down for a legsweep, but Estelle manages to jump over and then dart back into the ropes.
Estelle runs back, right into an armdrag from Lisa, only to get back up and score with one of her own. In recovery, Lisa gets her back off the canvas, but Estelle is there to trip her and score the pin...
...1...!
...which gets only a one count before Lisa shoots her off!
Quickly, Estelle bounds to her knees, just in time to see a Roundhouse Kick come flying at her head and go go over as she ducks, before rolling back onto her feet. Lisa holds her fingers an inch apart to imply how close she was, while Estelle holds her fingers up in a much less formal gesture.
Estelle moves to lock-up again, but Lisa decides; instead firing off a low dropkick that crashes to her knee and puts her to the mat. Estelle tries to jump back up, only to find herself caught by another leg kick that sweeps out her base and puts her on her back. Lisa tries to grab on for a submission, but Estelle reels her in and then kicks out with her free leg, catching Lisa in the face and pushing her back into the corner!
Estelle follows up with a shoulder charge that crushes her against the post, before jumping up with an elbow in the side of the head. She then takes a few steps back, testing her knee as she goes.
Estelle moves back to grab Lisa and whips her to the ropes. Wisely, Lisa holds on at the turn, slaps away her hand and then sweeps her with an inner-thigh kick this time, planting Estelle face down, trying to cover up! However, Lisa holds her in place by planting a foot on her kneecap before leaping up and coming down with both knees, crushing Estelle's knee underneath. Right away, Estelle darts back into the ropes, looking for a break, but it's clear she's starting to have some trouble moving around.
In a daze, Estelle gets up with the aid of the ropes, only to have Lisa run up and drive her back into the corner. The referee moves to make the five-count, but Lisa wastes no time in tying Estelle's leg between the bottom and middle rope. Lisa then backs away long enough to break the count, before shooting back with a Dropkick to her tangled leg, bending it awkwardly with the aid of the ropes before she's allowed to fall to the mat.
Gritting her teeth, Estelle tries tries to fight back up, only for Lisa to move in and give her a hand, pulling Estelle up by the hair and backing her into the ropes. Lisa scores with two open-handed slaps, leading into a spinning backfist that sends Estelle onto her back! Dropping down, she hooks a leg, looking for a cover...!
...1...
But Estelle fires out, still refusing to give in!
Lisa then drags her off the mat again, but takes a few fists into the gut for good measure, responding by delivering a hard knee to her opponent's head.
Scooping Estelle up, Lisa bodyslams her and points to the ropes; but the second she turns her back, Estelle begins to rise again. Lisa gets to the top turnbuckle, only for Estelle fall in from behind and push her off the rope! Fortunately, Lisa catches on to the top-rope, allowing her to let her drop safely to the apron, only to find herself smashed with a back-elbow from Estelle that doubles her over!
Reaching through the ropes, grabbing onto Lisa, Estelle lifts her up and drops her onto the canvas with a stiff DDT! She rolls over and makes a cocky pin.
...1...2...!
...But Lisa kicks out and rolls away, taking a moment to clear her head!
Clearly annoyed, Estelle doesn't let her get too far. Hobbling over, she delivers an elbowdrop to the back of Lisa's skull, putting her down again. She then pulls Lisa back up, into a sitting base, and backs off to the ropes, gritting her teeth, as she launches into a run that ends with her aiming a knee for the Evolver. Taking no time, Estelle charges ahead...!
...but Lisa drops flat to avoid it! Not only that, Lisa reaches around and rolls her up with a schoolboy...!
...1...!
Estelle rolls through, out of the pinfall, but it's just a setup to get her seated, allowing Lisa to crush her with a vicious kick in the chest! Estelle flattens out and Lisa goes for the kill, jumping off the mat, bringing her legs up under her and putting both heels down into Estelle's face for a horrendous Double-stomp that finds its mark! Dropping down, she goes for another pinfall...!
...1...2...!
...But Estelle thunders out, much to the disappointment of Lisa, who is forced to pull her off the mat again!
Lisa pushes Estelle face-first into the corner, lifts her up onto the ropes and pulls her back into a Tree-of-Woe. Lisa then raises to the fans to get them into it, while she takes up space in the opposite corner, before charging back with a dropkick through her already strained knee, sending Estelle screaming and cursing as she fights to get out of the ropes! The referee is the one to oblige, un-trapping her legs and letting Estelle drop to the canvas. Meanwhile, Lisa then drags her from the corner by a leg and leans over her for a cover...
...1...!
It's a quick count, but Lisa uses the momentum from the kick-out to turn Estelle over into a half-Boston Crab, settling in and causing Estelle to thrash against the mat!
In pain, Estelle looks dangerously close to tapping, as Lisa wrenches on the knee, but something stops her from giving-in and pushes herself toward the ropes, where she makes the break.
By this point, Lisa is starting to look very bemused. Once she breaks the hold, she comes around with a kick to the ribs. A second later, Lisa pulls Estelle up and pushes her into the ropes. Backing up and charging, she runs right into Estelle's feet that get lifted into her gut and pushes her back! Wasting no time, Estelle goes off the ropes, grabs Lisa's beneath the arm, pushes off, twists and drives her into the canvas with a double-underhook Tornado DDT!
Rolling over, Estelle Webb goes for the pinfall...!
...1...2
...Once again, Lisa kicks out, while Estelle pounds the mat in frustration. she then goes to get Lisa off the mat again; but Lisa kicks up her leg as soon as she does, dropping Estelle face-first to the mat and giving her a chance to clear the cobwebs.
Soon, Lisa moves again and Estelle goes shortly after her, pulling herself up in the corner with the aid of the referee. The referee tries to get her off, which distracts him from Lisa running in with a high, flying knee-strike that crushes his head against the ropes as Estelle drops out of the away! Estelle then sneaks out of the ring as Lisa surveys the damage.
Estelle returns to the ring with a chair, but Lisa is already up and manages to duck a wild swing for her head. The two turn to face each other again, with Lisa taking a shot with a jumping, spinning back kick... but it gets ducked! Furthermore, she plants the chair on the mat to keep her legs from giving in.
Lisa jumps for a legdrop, but Estelle staggers back and follows with an overhead swing of the chair that hits nothing but the mat! Lisa kips back to her feet and immediately ducks, as Estelle looks to shoot again, but it's a fake-out, allowing Estelle to hurl the chair at her when she gets back up. Lisa catches it and dodges the follow up, only to find that Estelle has thrown herself onto the mat instead, landing with an almighty thud for good measure.
Lisa goes to toss the chair aside, but the referee is back in action and has already seen her. Lisa pleads her innocence, including a very convincing nuh-uh, but the referee looks over her at Estelle, who's currently on her back, milking a shot to the face! Taking no guff, he immediately decides to call for the disqualification in Estelle's favour.
Lisa tries to argue her point, but the referee stands firm in his decision, even with Estelle now fighting to her feet beside him. She turns away, shaking and gives a thin, yet rather smug, grin to the fans, who let her have it in return.
Lisa is defiant, but the referee stands his ground and orders her away. He then turns to Estelle and raises her hand, who cradles her head and drops to a knee on queue. Still, with a chair already in hand, Lisa decides if she's going to get in trouble, it might as well be worth it. And so, as the referee turns, Lisa winds up and smashes him in the face, putting him back on the mat for good. Lisa then goes to take a swing at Estelle, who decides that, with the match already over, angry woman with a chair probably isn't anything she wants to deal with and retires to the floor.
The fans cheer, because they just really like seeing people get hit by things while the timekeeper incessantly rings the bell. Strangely, this does nothing to stop her pulling the referee back to his knees and sticks his head through the space in her now setup chair. She then climbs out to the top-rope.
With her target still set, Lisa leaps off from the top-rope, points both her heels into the back of the referee's head and frees up a spot on the Sin Wrestling officiating team, with a gruesome double-stomp to the back of his skull that cracks his face off the chair. She then bounces off him, drops to her knees and throws out her arms to encourage the cheers from the fans. She considers a follow up, but referees and EMTs are already making for the ring, forcing her to take her leave. She passes on by them and makes her way up the ramp, stopping once at the top to take a bow, before exiting through the curtain.
Winner: Estelle Webb
Corey Page: Hey, you...
Bucky sits up.
Bucky Gunts: Hello, Corey Page, my new friend!
Corey Page: Yeah, yeah, did you see that groundhog?
Bucky Gunts: Groundhog? No, what do you speak of?
Corey Page: Ugh.
Annoyed, Corey Page rolls away, almost accidentally bumping into Chris Extreme, who nearly falls over, trying to a avoid Corey Page.
Corey Page: Out of the goddamn way.
Chris Extreme: ...wait a second, didn't I... no, no...
Corey Page: What the fuck are you talking about? Ah, well, whatever. I got to find that stupid groundhog.
Corey Page rolls off, while Chris Extreme walks in the other direction, with a puzzled expression on his face. Bucky Gunts, meanwhile, leans back in his chair, appearing pleased.
Bucky Gunts: Ahhhh.
Suddenly, Bucky's eyes widen and the groundhog crawls out of his pants.
Bucky Gunts: Oh, that's where you were. At Broken Hearts, I'm going to do that to Ms. Estelle Webb, too. Oh yes, I am going to molest her good. She may be a little old, at the age of 17, but I am going to cuddle with her, even with those other guys in the ring. Hey wait, come back...
Horrified, the groundhog hops away, leaving Bucky Gunts alone and sad on the bench.
Bucky Gunts: Why do they always do that?!
Folding his arms, Bucky leans back and the cameras fade out.
"Mad World" by Gary Jules comes on over the P.A. system as the arena fades to black. White strobes begin to flash in three second intervals as Redmaine steps outs from the backstage area, with Lady Arwen and 2 of his apprentices at his side. He pauses at the entrance and holds both arms in they air, as if he is a king praising his subjects. The crowd unleashes an assault of boos as Redmaine smiles and casually makes his way to the ring, as the crowd continues to boo heavily. The arena goes completely black just before Redmaine reaches the ring. All of a sudden, the lights kick back on and Redmaine stands in the middle of the ring, with his arms raised above him. He is here... it is time...
Lee and Redmaine gingerly step around, not wanting to drive a tack into their foot. After several seconds, they lock-up, with Redmaine gaining the advantage by applying a side-headlock.
He tries to flip Lee onto his back, but he stands his guard, not wanting to be taken down by Redmaine. In retaliation, Lee forearms Redmaine in the back and hoists him into the air, going for a back-suplex. However, Redmaine comes back down, landing on his feet. Catching Lee by surprise, Redmaine elbows him in the jaw, turns around and looks to suplex him.
With the fans holding their breath, Redmaine pulls Lee vertically into the air. Just before he can drop down with a suplex, Lee slides out behind him, lands on his feet and double-axehandles Redmaine from behind! Nailing Redmaine with some punches, Lee knocks him into the corner and unloads with a flurry of fists, which he follows up by whipping Redmaine across the ring.
At full-speed, Lee charges in after him, going for a running-clothesline. However, Redmaine steps out of the way, resulting in Lee crushing chest-first against the turnbuckles! As a result, he stumbles back, allowing for Redmaine to grab on to him. Within seconds, both men drop down to the canvas, with Redmaine Russian-legsweeping him! They drop to the canvas, jamming tacks into their back, with both men crying out in pain!
Slowly, Redmaine rises, kicks and stomps on Lee Kemp... and is then taken out from behind by Jeremiah Jihad! Deicide, who is at ringside, is instructing Jeremiah to attack Redmaine with ultimate force! Immediately upon seeing this, the referee calls for the bell, throwing the match out!
Meanwhile, Deicide calls for Jeremiah to unleash some more damage. Nailing a cross chop to Redmaine's throat, Jihad pulls him into a standing headscissors and hoists him into the air. With much pressure and force, Jeremiah Jihad powerbombs Redmaine onto the canvas, dropping him onto the thumbtacks!
The attention of the fans turn to the entrance as a horde of Redmaine's apprentices run to the ringside area and try to make the save. Unfortunately, Deicide manages to cut all of them off by stomping and kicking at them. The apprentices are quickly mowed down by an agitated Deicide, who instructs Jihad to lift Redmaine up against and pull him up into a vertical suplex position. Without a second thought, Jeremiah drops down and delivers a brainbuster onto the tacks, digging them into both himself and Redmaine!
As the brawling and fighting occurs in the ring, an irate Xander Gates comes from the crowd, pushing random fans out of the way. Headed towards the ring, he climbs inside and attacks Lee Kemp from behind, wrapping a chain around his throat and choking him with it! Taking Lee by the throat, he dumps him over the top rope and leaves him hanging via the chain, choking the life out of him, while kicking at him!
For the second time tonight, referees and officials spill out to split-up the chaos in the ring. They manage to seperate Deicide and Jeremiah Jihad from Redmaine and his followers and get them to the back. As well, they get Xander Gates out of the ring, enabling them to remove Lee Kemp from the steel chain wrapped tightly around his neck, cutting off oxygen.
Officials tend to Lee Kemp, who has blood pouring down his back and has scratches from the chain around his neck and throat. He collapses to the ground, holding his throat and coughing up blood, leaving many members of the audience wonder about his condition. The ring is cleaned up, tacks are swept away and everyone is brought to the backstage area.
Winner: n/a
Chris Extreme: Alright, answer me this time.
Xander Gates: ...
Chris Extreme: Did you take the groundhog?
Again, Xander gives no response.
Xander Gates: ...
Chris Extreme: ...I knew you'd say that...
Xander stands to his feet.
Chris Extreme: ...The fuck? I knew you'd do that, too.
Xander Gates: Unless you're Lee Kemp, I've got nothing for--...
Chris Extreme: ..For me. Yes, I know. We've been through this. Am I stuck in a time loop or something?
Xander reaches into his pocket, pulling out a chain.
Xander Gates: At Broken Hearts, there's no getting away from each other. I'm going to end--...
Chris Extreme: ---him. Yes, I know. Lee Kemp. You told me this! Now where is that groundhog?
Setting the edge of the chair down and leaning on it, Xander winces.
Xander Gates: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Out of sight of Xander and Chris, the groundhog runs across the backstage setup, running and hiding for its life. Before leaving, Chris stops and turns to Xander Gates.
Chris Extreme: Hey, I know I told you this before and I know you're a priest and all, so I just want to tell you that if you see Christ Carson, tell him that I'm signing that contract tonight and I'm doing it in his blood.
Xander Gates: ...
Chris Extreme: Not very talkative, are you? Well, stop molesting children, then.
Xander shakes his head, not liking Chris's words. Nonetheless, he ties the chain around his fist and grits his teeth, thinking about clocking Lee Kemp in the skull.
Papa Roach's "Last Resort" comes over the P.A. system and the lights go black. Red flares start shooting off at both sides of the entranceway and into the spotlights, as Beau Brant makes his way out onto the stage, with his bodyguard at his side. There's a patch over his right eye, a result of the errant fireball he threw last week, which was kicked into his face by Lisa Seldon. With the Ultraviolence Title slung over his left shoulder, he makes his way down to the ringside area, climbs into the ring, walks past Xander Gates and grabs the microphone from the ring announcer. Stepping into the middle of the ring, he begins to talk.
Beau Brant: Lisa Seldon, you cunt. Look what you did to me. I'm not complaining. As Ultraviolence Champion, I can take it; but at Broken Hearts, I'm going to break you, bitch.
Tossing the microphone to the floor, Beau Brant turns around and is immediately attacked by Xander Gates, who looks agitated and has his eyes pulsating out of his head. Knocked against the ropes, Beau is whipped across the ring, only to reverse the whip at the last second. As Xander rebounds, Beau catches him and overhead belly-to-belly suplexes him, sending him flying!
Popping back up, Beau stands over Xander, who rolls onto his knees, desperately trying to get back up. Thinking fast, Xander rapidly fires some shots into Beau's gut and seconds these shots with some uppercuts to the face, whipping Beau's head back. After several kicks, Xander has Beau back into the corner, where he is able to climb onto the middle turnbuckle and unload with a flurry of fists.
Hoping to put an end to that, Beau reaches up and clobbers Xander with a steady fist to the chest, knocking him back down to the floor. Within seconds, Beau is atop Xander, clubbing away at him with those meaty fists, bashing him in the skull. Rolling onto his stomach, Xander tries avoiding the blows, but it's too much to avoid. Fortunately, Beau stands up and allows Xander to get back up.
Holding his arm out, he goes to lob off Xander's skull with a big clothesline. Ducking beneath Beau's beefy arm, Xander spins around him and connects with a kick to the side of the knee! His standing ability stifled, Beau cripples into the corner, with Xander wisely chasing after him and targeting his damaged/burnt eye.
Like a madman, Xander Gates begins smashing at the burnt eye, even trying to rip the bandage off it. Doing his best, Beau fights him off, but Xander clings on, trying to tear it off.
Balling his right hand into a fist, Beau swats at Xander and heaves him overhead with a Judo throw! In fact, as Xander goes to rise, Beau charges at him, like a wild bull and tries to connect with a running-knee to the skull. Before he can strike, Xander steps aside and pushes him into the opposite corner, knocking him into the turnbuckles. As he stumbles back, Xander leaps up and gives him a lungblower-backbreaker!
Beau is dropped onto his back, across Xander's knees. Jumping back up, Xander goes straight to work, kicking and stomping on Beau until he is held against the turnbuckles, while on his knees.
In here, Xander uses his left foot to choke Beau, holding the Ultraviolence Champ against the ropes, not realizing that the attention of the fans is now directed towards the entrance. Lee Kemp is standing at the top of the entrance section, with the markings of the chain still fresh around his neck. Not moving an inch, he just gazes at Xander, who continues to stomp and beatdown Beau Brant.
The Ultraviolence Champ is able to use his strength to mount a comeback, though. He nails Xander with some rights and lefts and pushes him out. He tries to charge out of the corner with a spear, but Xander is able to get a foot up and kick him in the face! The momentum of the shot swings Beau back, allowing Xander to take him down with a neckbreaker!
Making the cover, Xander Gates hooks a leg...!
...1...2...!
...but Beau is able to kickout!
Slamming his fists off the apron, Xander gets up, finally noticing Lee Kemp on the walkway. Enraged, he stares angrily at him, but Lee Kemp remains in position, not moving from his spot. This lapse in concentration is a bad idea for Xander, as it results in Beau Brant getting back to his feet and stumbling up behind him. Without a second thought, Beau latches on to Xander and sends him flying with a release German suplex!
Bandage covering his eye and all, Beau crawls over to Xander and lays across him, looking for the pinfall...!
...1...2...!
...No! At the last second, Xander Gates rolls out from the corner, continuing the match.
Agitated, Beau Brant lifts Xander up and pulls him into a standing headscissors position. Hoisting Xander up onto his shoulders, Beau accidentally lets Xander slip out and land safely on his feet. Thinking fast, Xander ducks beneath a swinging clothesline from Beau and retaliates by gouging Beau in his other eye!
Blinded, Beau swings about, hoping to connect with Xander, but strikes nothing but air. After each swat, Xander either ducks under or steps away from the shot, allowing Beau to wander into perfect position for him to be kicked in the gut and walked into striking distance for a DDT. However, before Xander can drop down, Beau uses his strength to hoist him up and heave him across the ring with a mammoth military press throw!
Going on instinct only, Beau stumbles around blindly. On the floor, his bodyguard tries to give him vocal instructions, hoping he can follow them. He bumps into Xander, grabs him by the throat and goes to lift him up into a double-handed chokelift. Before he is airborne, though, Xander strikes with a kick to the crotch, dropping Beau to his knees!
Pulling the Ultraviolence Champion in, Xander holds him close, looks up at Lee Kemp, double-underhooks his arms and flattens him with Redemption Calls! Rolling Beau onto his back, Xander makes the cover, hooking his leg in the process.
Dropping down, the referee counts...!
...1...2...3!
Xander rises, an angst-ridden look on his face. He looks up at Lee Kemp, who is still near the entrance and is retreating to the back. Exiting to the floor, Xander walks to the backstage area, not listening to the jeers pour in for him.
Inside the ring, Beau Brantt's bodyguard retreives the Ultraviolence Title and steps inside with it, hanging it over to Beau, who is still having trouble seeing. Grabbing the title, he curses loudly, punches the apron and rolls to the floor, blaming Lisa Seldon for the eye injury. Walking to the back, he has his bodybuard walk alongside him, ultimate headed to the backstage area.
Winner: Xander Gates
Generic Heel: Alright, you take out Travis Miller and you take out Teresa Quaranta.
CAPS LOCK: WHY DO I HAVE TO TAKE OUT THE MANLY-LOOKING TERESA QUARANTA? DID YOU EE HER BICEPS? THEY'RE BIGGER THAN MINE!
Generic Heel: Damnit, you cock Jew. You Jew of cocks. You cock of cocks. I said be quiet. We've got keep this on the down-low. Or else Horatio will be bad.
CAPS LOCK: HORATIO CAN'T MOVE, MUCH TO OUR CHAGRIN AND HUMBLING SORROW! HE CAN BARELY EVEN BREATHE! PLEASE DON'T USE HIS NAME IN SUCH VULGARITY!
Generic Heel: Goddamnit, I said be quiet. Now, listen--...
He begins whispering in CAPS LOCK's ear.
CAPS LOCK: --... WHAT?! FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, NO! I DON'T WANT TO GIVE YOU ANAL! THAT IS GROSS, MISTER HEEL!
Generic Heel: I said--...
As Chris Extreme walks into view, still looking for the godforsaken groundhog, World Champion, Travis Miller, pops into view and attacks both men. Like a man scorned, he wildly launches himselt on both men, body slamming Generic Heel onto CAPS LOCK, while Chris Extreme watches.
Chris Extreme: ...I swear to fuck, didn't you just do this?!
For a second, Travis Miller stands still.
Travis Miller: ...Huh?
A loud groan comes from CAPS LOCK, prompting Miller to go back to working, kicking and stomping on them.
Chris Extreme: That's it. No more Bill Murray moviethons the night before events. I need to find that goddamn groundhog, once and for all. I'm sick of re-living the same shit.
Walking past Travis Miller, who continues to beatdown the members of The Department of H.A.R.M., Chris Extreme accidentally bumps into Corey Page, who wheels away from Bucky Gunts.
Corey Page: Out of the goddamn way.
Chris Extreme: It happened again! What the fuck?! Mulder, Scully... is that you playing a trick on me?!
Corey Page: What the fuck are you talking about? Ah, well, whatever. I got to find that stupid groundhog.
Chris Extreme: --Oh, right. The groundhog. I was supposed to help you find it, wasn't I? That's what I'm looking for; but these weird things are happening, it's like I'm re-living the--...
Suddenly, Corey Page bumps into Chris Extreme again, having just finished having a talk with Bucky Gunts.
Corey Page: Out of the goddamn way.
Chris Extreme: Hold the fuck on. Stop this. Look, I need to sign that goddamn contract with The Creep... or Christ... or Jesus... or whatever his name is now.
Corey Page: Do as I say and find that horrifying, faggot groundhog, then.
Chris Extreme: I'm trying! I'm-- hey, wait a homo...
Looking past Corey Page, Chris Extreme views the groundhog in Bucky Gunts's pants, tickling him. Throwing a crippled Corey Page away, almost wheeling him into traffic, Chris Extreme stomps over to Bucky Gunts, who looks weasely up at Chris. Grabbing Bucky by the neck, Chris bends over and reaches into Bucky's pants.
Bucky Gunts: Ohhh, hee-hee! You're not Estelle Webb, but it'll do. Hee-hee.
Chris Extreme: Shut the fuck up, faggot. Give me that thing.
Plucking the groundhog out of Bucky's pants, Chris Extreme holds it up and turns to Corey Page, who is in his wheelchair, weaving away from dangerous traffic.
Chris Extreme: I've got it! There. Now the show can go on. We can finally figure out it we'll have winter or not. Hopefully we have enough snow to bury Chris Carson up to his balls. Corey? Corey? Listen to me.
Corey Page wheels over, having the groundhog thrown into his lap, like a rabbit.
Corey Page: Yes, yes, thank you. You had to go where no man or woman has ever gone before.
Chris Extreme: It was like I become stuck in time. I don't know why.
Corey Page: Wait, really? Sounds like the movie, Groundhog Day.
Chris Extreme: I know, right. Good thing I found that awful animal.
They share a slight pause.
Chris Extreme: Want to eat it?
Corey Page: No!
Chris Extreme: Fine! I have to go sign my contract with Chris Carson, anyhow.
Corey Page: Good. Sign that cocksucking contract. I don't want to be responsible for anything that happens. If anyone dies, bleeds to death or whatever, I don't want to be in charge. If you shitdicks get hurt, then it's your business.
Chris Extreme: It's just a little Auschwitz Prison... and Caskets Match. What could go wrong?
Corey Page: Just make sure I don't have to spend any extra. Budget's tight enough. I have important people to sign and fire.
Sin Wrestling janitor, Slash Tannon, wanders into the scene.
Corey Page: Hey, you-- slash.
He turns to face Corey Page.
Corey Page: You're fired! Get lost.
Horrified, Slash Tannon doesn't respond. Corey Page is quick to snatch the broomstick out of his hand and watch as he walks away, his head down like a lost puppy.
Chris Extreme: I didn't even know he still worked here.
Looking to his right, Corey views Stevie Swing step into view. Stevie looks annoyed, but is ready for her upcoming match. Soon joined by Horatio Q. and WAR PORK, she looks to the floor, noticing Generic Heel and CAPS LOCK down on the ground. Looking at Corey Page, she questions him.
Stevie Swing: What happened to them?! They were supposed to interfere...!
Whilst petting the groundhog in his hands, Corey casually replies.
Corey Page: It was that bald headed, penis shaped, Travis Miller. He did it.
Stevie Swing: Was it? That's not good. They're supposed to...
Chris Extreme pipes in.
Chris Extreme: I knew you could never trust a Jew.
Stevie Swing: Hey, shut your cock, motherfucker.
In the meantime, Horatio Q. tries mumbling something.
Horatio Q.: ...
Corey Page: Oh, shut the fuck up, Horatio.
WAR PORK steps in front of Horatio, trying to defend him from anything.
WAR PORK: YOU MESS WITH THE HORATIO FROM THE HEAVENS TO THE SKY, TO THE EARTH AND THE EQUATOR? I AM THE MASTODON, THE BRONTOSAURUS, THE T-REX OF SIN WRESTLING--...
Without warning, Travis Miller returns to the scene. Using a golf club, he whacks it across the back of WAR PORK's skull, sending him crumbling atop Horatio Q., knocking him and the wheelchair over! WAR PORK remains on top of Horatio, who is unable to move, while Stevie goes on the attack!
There's a huge commotion in front of Corey Page, who frantically tries wheeling away, but gets nowhere. Even Chris Extreme has to come in between them.
Chris Extreme: You see what religion has done?! You see what religion has done to cause this big fight?! This is your fault, Chris Carson, all your damn fault!
Not even Chris's cries of atheism can stop the fighting in the back, as Stevie and Travis go after each other. Bucky Gunts walks into the scene and speaks up.
Bucky Gunts: Ooohh... a gangbang...
With his tight pants, he goes to walk into the fray, only to have the groundhog hiss at him and then be struck with an errant elbow from Kason Kreed, who moves in, trying to stop the brawling. Upset with this, Bucky goes to slap Kreed, but hits the wall, instead.
Meanwhile, Stevie and Travis literally fight atop the back of WAR PORK, who is crushing Horatio Q.. Even Corey Page is heard yelling, trying to stop the situation.
Corey Page: Stop it! Damn it, stopping, you're terrifying the groundhog, you idiots!
Eating an apple, Jake Norton prances into the scene, with a big smirk on his face.
Jake Norton: Remember, kids, always play nice.
With his whimsical quip, he begins to walk away. Before he does, he turns and walks away, only to stop for a second and whisper a few words to Stevie Swing.
Jake Norton: Don't wory, Stevie... tonight, I've got your back.
The Television Champion, Teresa Quaranta, having seen Jake Norton move in, enters the scene, as well. Looking to make sure no funny business happens, she pulls Jake away, prompting him to whirl around and peel away from her.
After several minutes, which include thrown fists and elbows, Corey Page and Teresa Quaranta remain the only ones left standing in the dust, while everyone else stumbles away.
Corey Page: Jesus Christ, can one week go by without a massive backstage brawl?!
He looks up at Teresa.
Corey Page: Hey, you... whatever race you are. Want to help me stick my groundhog back into my hole?
Teresa looks at him, puzzled, and shakes her head. Out of crowd of brawling comes Bucky Gunts, who has a broken nose and his glasses are cracked.
Bucky Gunts: Oh, I'll help you, Mister Page!
Corey Page: Uh, no thanks, Bucky.
Bucky Gunts: No, thank you.
Walking away, headed towards the entrance, Teresa prepares for the main event. Only Buck and Corey Page remain, with Bucky standing next to Corey.
Bucky Gunts: ...Can I pet your groundhog?
Corey Page: Ughhh.
Bucky Gunts: What? What did I do?
Wheeling himself away, putting the groundhog back in its rightful state, Corey moves away from Bucky, having the shit crept out of him.
"All You Need Is Love" by The Beatles plays as Norton cheerfully walks out from behind the curtain, and unhurriedly makes his way down the ramp, carrying the crutch that he didn't break across Teresa Quaranta's back at the last Eternity, pretending he is still injured. Upon arriving at ringside, he enters the ring via climbing the turnbuckle before looking at the fans with a delighted smile as he waves and blows kisses. He remains posted at the turnbuckle until Teresa makes her appearance known, deciding to still hold onto that crutch.
For a moment, darkness and silence engulfs the entire venue and viewers on television see a blank feed. Next, a single light winks in and out of existence on the ramp, and is followed by another one, and a third as the epic opening to "Rising Mercury" by Nick Ingman comes to life over the PA. Just barely visible, a heavy fog begins to settle in on the ramp and migrate down to the fans below as a row of 12 women in skimpy white togas and angels wings made of the finest goose make their way down the ramp.
Two women stand in front, burning torches scented with purest sandalwood as the fumes waft into the awestruck crowd. Still others throw rose petals, staring into the crowd and the camera with looks of focus and intense devotion. Finally, six of the women stand in the center of the formation, holding up a litter on their backs. As this company of angels make their way down the ramp, a majestic, heavenly light spreads throughout the arena and we see Teresa Quaranta in the litter, surveying the entire arena with a grin and eating a bunch of grapes. She soaks in the cheers while wearing an olive wreath and an elaborate white toga with gold trim. The caravan comes to a stop outside of the ring, and two angels on each side carefully escort her down from it, lovingly removing all of the extraneous gear. A couple of other girls escort her to the ring and a very soft mist descends from the rafters as the music begins to peak. Naturally, a spotlight falls on her as she raises her arms and soaks in the adulation of the crowd.
Despite the overbearing length and cheesiness of the entrance, the fans are receptive as she gives an elaborate bow and goes to her corner, joining her tag partner for tonight, Travis Miller.
The World Champ and the Television unite to take on their rivals. Both teams know each other quite well, having fought each other plenty of times. Even Travis Miller and Teresa Quaranta were involved in a vicious feud last year, with Teresa almost costing Travis his wrestliing career. Luckily things have changed, he has returned and now holds the World Title, for the first time in 8 years.
There's no fibre-optic vagina and no atmosphere of partying. It's just Stevie Swing coming out to some video game music, without Horatio at her side. She is looking dejected as she comes out to the top of the entrance. She's about to walk down... when Jake Norton runs out from the back, with a girl at his side. Charging from behind, he catches Stevie, his own tag partner, with a vicious lariat, surprising everyone!
Everyone in attendance is shocked and has no clue what is happening. They watch him lift Stevie up and force her into the ring, with Teresa and Travis standing clueless in the ring. With Jake Norton now at ringside, he pulls off his shirt, revealing a pinstriped referee's shirt. With boos raining down, he walks to the back, showing off his referee's shirt, with the girl walking alongside him.
In a daze, Stevie Swing stands to her feet, not knowing what hit her. Before exiting through the curtain, Jake Norton turns to the ringside area, looks at Teresa Quaranta and nods. She looks back, watching as she disappears to the back, but quickly bursts into action upon seeing Stevie begin to rise.
Holding the back of her head, a confused Stevie Swing tries to get to her feet, outnumbered in this match. Trying to take a fighting pose, she is immediately swept with a quick kick from Teresa Quaranta and stumbles back, only to receive a punch from Travis Miller! The brunt of this damage causes Stevie to swing back into another swinging kick from Teresa, which sends her falling back into another forearm from Travis Miller! This pattern continues with the fans on their feet, cheering for it, watching Stevie get knocked back-and-forth, like a ping pong ball.
Receiving a battering of kicks to the chest, Stevie turns around, almost breathless, into the waiting arms of Travis Miller, who hoists her high into the air, into a military press. Before he can slam her down and hit the Epiphany, Stevie is able to valiantly slide out behind Travis and nail a Japanese-style dropkick to the back of his head! As a result, he wobbles forward, smashing into Teresa Quaranta, who goes spilling through the ropes and lands harshly on the floor.
Turning around, Travis shakes the cobwebs out of his head, but is immediately struck with a climbing-enziguiri from Stevie Swing, kicking him in the back of his skull! This shot knocks him through the ropes, also making him spill to the floor, landing next to Teresa.
In the ring, Stevie calmly gets to her feet and wags her cat's tail. Jeers pour in at her, which she casually shrugs off, paying no attention to it. Dashing from one side of the ring to the other, she jumps into the air, spins around, lands on the top rope and springboard moonsaults through the air, all the way to the floor!
Out here, Stevie gets to her feet and yells and hisses like a cat at the fans. They respond by relentlessly jeering her. Throwing her hands at them, showing her disdain, she turns to Travis Miller and kicks him in the skull, making sure to keep him down. Eyeing Teresa, Stevie even nails her with a knee to the skull, keeping her held against the ring steps.
Facing Travis Miller, she lifts him up and begins chopping and slapping away at his chest, showing no mercy! Whipping him into the ring steps, Stevie is surprised when she has the whipped reversed. She is sent towards the ring steps, but she stops things by jumping onto the ring steps, halting herself! Annoyed at this, Travis charges in, trying to grab onto her; but Stevie backflips over him, sending him crashing into the ring post and steps!
...Unfortunately, she is unable to escape from Teresa Quaranta creeping up behind her, putting her in a sleeperhold on the floor and sending her flipping backwards with a sleeper-suplex! Stevie is dropped on her skull, almost jamming her head into the cold, hard floor!
Standing to her feet, the Television Champ, Teresa Quaranta, stands up, lifts Stevie up with her and nails her with some knees and chops. After smashing her face off the ring apron, she rolls Stevie into the ring, climbs onto the apron and begins to ascend to the top rope. Diving off, she swan-dives through the air, looking to hit a somersault senton bomb. However, before she can land it, Stevie Swing rolls in towards the corner, escaping danger.
Luckily for Teresa, she is able to roll through the landing and spring to her feet. Turning around, she sees Stevie about to rise and sprints in, going for some strikes. She goes to strike a whipping kick to Stevie, but she retorts with a rapid kick of her own, sending Teresa's own foot away! Following that, Stevie connects with a rapid kick of her own... but this time it's Teresa who blocks the shot. Instead, she tries for a forearm, which knocks Teresa back, making her hold her face. Hoping to capitalize on that, she goes for a roaring-elbow... ...but Teresa ducks it!
Not only that, but Teresa grabs Stevie and Northern Lights suplexes her! With the bridge made, the referee makes the count...!
...1...2...!
...!
...No! Steve kicks out!
Rolling to her feet, Teresa stands over Stevie and goes to pull her to her feet. Out of nowhere, though, a sneaky Stevie Swing pulls Teresa in with an inside-cradle! The referee starts counting again...!
...1...2...!
No! This time, it's Teresa who's kicking out!
As a matter of fact, she jumps to her feet... only to be taken down with a drop-toe-hold from a drowsy Stevie Swing, who then nails a somersault legdrop across the back of Teresa's skull! Getting back up, Stevie stomps on the Television Champ, but stops when she notices Travis Miller begin getting back inside. Seeing this, she charges at him and connects with a baseball-slide dropkick, knocking him back down to the floor!
Still inside, Stevie watches as Travis gets back up, using the ring railing to help himself up. Seeing him rise, Stevie slingshots from inside the ring, to the floor, landing on Travis Miller's shoulders and goes to nail him with a hurricanrana! Unfortunately for Stevie, she is caught in mid-air; and Travis holds her upside-down, in a powerbomb-style position. He swings her recklessly into the ring railing, smashing her hard against the steel barricade!
The crowd cheers, happy to see Travis Miller go on the attack against Stevie, who is fighting all alone, thanks to Jake Norton's bipolar behaviour. Travis straddles her on the floor, sending fist-after-fist into her skull. Picking her up, he slides her into the ring and rolls after her.
Going after Stevie, Travis gets on his feet and tries to grab on to her. However, Stevie uses a quick side-kick, while on her knees, to try and fend the World Champion off. Crawling into the corner, she uses the top rope to help her stand. Racing out from the corner, she heads straight for Travis, but he heaves her into the air, sending her flying towards Teresa Quaranta, lands on her shoulders and rolls her up into a hurricanrana!
She is able to slip through Teresa's legs and completely rolls her up with a pinfall!
...1...2...!
However, Travis moves in, grabs Stevie and plucks her off Teresa! Applying a reverse-waistlock, Travis attempts a German suplex, but Stevie grounds herself. Nailing him with some back-elbows, Stevie frees herself and soon notices Teresa Quaranta on her feet, charging at her.
Thinking fast, Stevie nails a kick to Teresa's gut, then uses her to flip over Travis Miller's head and nail the Fata Morgana! Not only that, but she jumps back up, bounces off the ropes, uses Miller as a springboard and leaps through the air. She soars high in the air and connects with a big, flying dropkick to Teresa, knocking her into the corner!
Moving in after Teresa, Stevie sits her on the top turnbuckle. After striking with an uppercut, she climbs up alongside Teresa and scoops her up onto her shoulders, in a standing fireman's carry position, while on the top turnbuckle.
Before she can nail the "Go to Fuck", Travis Miller gets to his feet, realizing his partner's predicament. Rushing in, he scurries after Stevie and nails some stiff fists to her stomach, blocking the attempt. As a result, Stevie is force to sit Teresa back down, while she slugs it out with Travis Miller, who is on the second rope.
Up here, Stevie receives blows from both sides -- from Teresa behind her and Travis in front of her. After elbowing Teresa in the face, she jumps over Miller, lands on the ring and rolls through the landing and jumps to her feet. Unable to keep up with her, Travis Miller hops off the ropes and goes to focus on Stevie Swing...
...only to be struck with The Last Dance superkick!
Dropping down, Stevie hooks a leg, hoping for a cover, in this handicap match!
...1...!
The referee counts one...!
...2...!
...and two...!
...!
Flying off the top rope, Teresa tucks both of her knees together and nails a flying double-kneedrop to the back of Stevie Swing's skull, stopping the count! Rolling Stevie Swing onto her back, Teresa makes the cover...!
...1...2...!
...!
No! Stevie places her right foot on the bottom rope, continuing the match!
Annoyed at the lack of a pinfall, Teresa gets back up, holds her hands on her hips, while Travis Miller rolls to the outer portion of the apron, trying to regain his senses. Lifting Stevie up, she chops her in the throat and goes to hoist Stevie up into an Air Raid Crash position. Realizing this, Stevie begins to worm and wiggle her way around, opting to nail Teresa with some rough elbows to the side of the head!
Escaping from Teresa's dangerous clutches, Stevie slips up-and-over her, grabbing Teresa by the leg. Nailing a Dragonscrew legwhip, they both get back up, with Stevie still holding onto Teresa's leg. She goes to deliver a second legwhip, but before she does, she forcefully slaps Teresa in the face, which angers her, resulting in Teresa deciding to nail an enziguiri!
Almost having her brain kicked through her eyes, Stevie collapses to the mat, like a sack of dead babies. Not wasting a single second, Teresa grabs Stevie and applies a front-facelock/guillotine submission, looking for a tapout! For her own effort, Stevie writhes and buckles, trying to free herself, rolling about, looking for an escape. Eventually, Stevie is able roll towards the ropes, with Teresa clinging on to her, enabling her to force the referee to move in.
A thankful Stevie Swing takes her time in getting back up. As she lays across the middle rope, Teresa bounces off the furthest set of ropes and returns, smashing both knees across the broad of Stevie's back! Teresa goes to do the exact same thing; but this time, when she returns, she runs right into a vicious lariat from Stevie, who sprints up, doing her best to shrug off the damage!
The fighting spirit seems to consume Stevie, as she slaps her hands off the mat and gets to her feet... only to be met with a forearm from Travis Miller, who tags himself in! Right away, Travis backs into the ropes, but she reverses the whip, scratches him across the face with her claws, spins around and delivers a second straight scratching!
Throwing Miller into the ropes, using an Irish-whip of her own, Stevie ducks down, hoping to nail him with an apparent backdrop. Instead of succumbing to her wishes, he responds by kicking her in the chest, pulling her in and then double-underhook her arms. Right away, he hoists her up and quickly spins her in mid-air, delivering a butterfly-backbreaker!
The crowd "oooooh"s at the move, which nearly breaks Stevie in half. As Travis celebrates this, Stevie rolls over, washes the pain away, slaps the mat and against rises. When he turns around, Travis is blasted in the face with a simple, but effective forearm. Seconds later, Stevie knees him in the gut, wristlocks him, throws her right leg over his arm and front-kicks him in the face!
Spinning around, Stevie sees Teresa on her feet, connects with a sit-down dropkick to Teresa's right knee, officially knocking her back down, gets back up and goes back after Travis Miller.
Delivering a flurry of stomps and kicks, Stevie goes on the warpath, hoping to keep Travis stuck in the corner. For his own accord, he begins responding with punches of his own, knocking her back, hoping to suck the recent surge of energy from her system.
Grabbing on to her, he facelocks her and suplexes her... but she again pops up, much to the dismay of the crowd. As Travis goes to rise, she swings a Roundhouse Kick at his head, but he ducks! She goes to sweep him off his feet with her tail, but he jumps over it! She goes to perform a discus-facial scratch, but Travis grabs her arm, kicks her legs out from under her and sends her spiraling into the air, into a 360 degree pattern!
Fortunately, Stevie is able to flip completely around and land safely on her face, just like a cat! Nailing a boot to the chest, she knocks Travis back... but he comes firing out, nailing her with a vicious lariat! She corkscrews through the air and faceplants onto the canvas!
...but again, she is up, looking angry!
Both Travis and Stevie go in on the attack. Teresa nails Stevie with an enziguiri; Travis forearms her and knocks her back into a stiff Roundhouse Kick from Teresa; Travis kicks her in the gut, lifts her onto his shoulders and hits the Cradle Gutbuster Drop; and Teresa finishes the deed by hitting Divine Intervention!
Right away, Teresa lays atop Stevie, looking for the pinfall...!
...1...2...!
...!
...No! Stevie again places her foot on the bottom rope! Everyone is amazed at her will and her desire to not quit!
Teresa walks into her corner and tags out to Travis Miller, who had stepped back onto the apron. He comes inside, wanting to finish her off, with the crowd fully supporting him. Lifting Stevie up, he goes for the Epiphant for the second time tonight! Just like before, though, Stevie is able to slip out of his hands, glide behind him and knock Travis into Teresa, who falls off the apron and lands on the floor!
Taken off-guard, Travis stumbles back... only to have Stevie come from behind and O'Connor Roll him up from behind! Not only that, but she holds the top rope, getting extra force on the pinfall!
...1...!
The fans are terrified, thinking the worst...!
...2...!
Stevie thinks she has done the impossible: defeat two of SW's best in a handicap match...!
...!
...but it's not enough! Travis Miller kicks out! The kickout is so strong that it sends Stevie Swing flying over the top rope and landing on the ring apron!
Shaking his head, Travis gets back up, surprised at what nearly occured. Moving in after Stevie, he grabs her by the hair and flips her over the top rope, dragging her back inside. The fans are on their feet as Travis walks after her, backing her into the corner. Like a scared little kitty, she leans against the turnbuckles, trying to find salvation; but she gets none.
Travis walks in and goes to lift her up. With some fast thinking, Stevie lowblows and slashes Miller with her claws! Bringing him down with a double-leg takedown, she rolls him up into a jackknife-pinfall type of cover... and puts both of her feet on the middle rope, weighing him down!
Again, the referee counts...!
...1...2...!
...!
Luckily, Teresa Quaranta had become aware of these shenadigans, races around the ring and slips Stevie off Miller!
Annoyed, Stevie jumps to her feet and has some words with Teresa. Soon, she focuses on her opponent for the pay per view, stomping and kicking him. When she tries for another big Roundhouse, Travis blocks it with his arms, grabs her legs and pulls her in, sending her flying across the ring with a belly-to-belly head-and-arm suplex!
Crawling into the corner, he reaches out and tags Teresa Quaranta into the ring. Slingshotting inside, Teresa is quick to go after Stevie, pummeling her with a multitude of strikes. Thankfully for Stevie, she is able to prick Teresa in the eye with a simple, but effective poke.
...However, that goes right out the window as Travis Miller walks over to her and clubs her with a double-axehandle.
Desperately trying to fight back, even trying some illegal maneuvers, Stevie jumps on Miller's shoulders, looking to hit him with a reverse hurricanrana. Unable to take him down, she stalls on his shoulders, enabling for Teresa to pounce on the middle rope, spring back, twirl through the air and connect with a spinning Roundhouse Kick to Stevie, sending her all the way back down to the floor! This momentum is enough to bring Travis Miller down with a reverse-hurricanrana, as well!
Teresa Quaranta is the last person left standing. Her partner, Travis Miller, has been dropped on his head; and Stevie, who is using the full force of the fighting spirit, due to being handicapped, is quickly fading. Lifting Stevie up, Teresa begins to apply the Process of Illumination...
...but she pulls away and levels Teresa with The Last Dance superkick!
Not only that, but she turns to the side, views Travis about to rise and nails him with The Last Dance, as well!
Throwing her arms up in the air, she stomps on Travis some more, and begins placing her foot in his throat, trying to cause some brain damage. Walking around, she picks up Teresa Quaranta and throws her to the floor.
Sliding outside, Stevie gets a chair of her own and enters the ring with it. Standing behind Miller, she watches him slowly rise, slightly stunned from the mini-superkick. When the time is right, she tosses the chair at him, not giving a shit about getting disqualified. Right away, Travis gets his hands up and catches the chair...!
...however, he is unable to save himself from having the chair superkick into his face!
Right away, the referee calls for the disqualification! Stevie Swing, whose fighting spirit is now on empty, collapses to the canvas, all out of energy. Rolling out of the ring, she laughs as Travis Miller is shown bloodied by the chairshot/Last Dance combination; but clearly not giving a shit about the loss.
Halfway up the ramp, she collapses into a big, furry, cat mess. Several agents and officials come out to check on her, while Travis Miller remains in the ring, having a deep laceration in his forehead, all thanks to Stevie Swing.
Winner: Stevie Swing
Pushing the casket to the entrance, he heads to the ringside area, where he will sign over all damages and rights, making sure Sin Wrestling will not be held responsible for his match at "Broken Hearts". Chris Extreme has stated he will sign the contract in Christ Carson's blood.
It's up next.
Ace Rodgers: Ladies and gentlemen, it's now time for the signing of the contract between Chris Extreme and The Cr-- Christ Carson. Sorry, it's hard to get used to. Anyhow, Chris Extreme, come on out.
Suddenly, a voice is heard shouting throughout the arena:
"DIE HUMANITY DIE!"
After a loud, thunderous explosion, the epic symphony of "No Leaf Clover" by Metallica blasts over the airways, shaking the arena and deafening the crowd. Chris Extreme confidently struts out, clad in only his boxers, his cock buldge showing proudly. Walking to the ringside area, he climbs inside, stands at the table and awaits his nemesis, Christ Carson.
Ace Rodgers: Alright, we have Chris here. Now, let's bring out his opponent for Broken Hearts. He's the 2-time former World Champion, the man formerly known as "The Creep", Chrs...........t Carson!
The entrance starts with a blank screen and no lights, save for only one high-beam shining from the ceiling to the entrance and the chorus of Creed's "Overcome", with the music ripped away from it.
I'm entitled to overcome
Completely stunned, I'm numb
Knock me down, throw me to the floor
There's no pain, I can feel no more
I'm entitled to overcome
The entrance song fades in with solid light coming from the screens, dimming into a "Chris Carson" logo with a cross embossed behind it. At once, Chris Carson comes out on stage, pushing a white casket in front of him. As he steps to the ringside area, he keeps his eyes focuses solely on Chris Extreme; and no one else. Walking around the casket, he steps onto the ring apron, still maintaining eye contact and enters inside.
Christ Carson takes the spot opposite of Chris Extreme. Ace Rodgers stands between both men, with the table and contract seperating them. When everything is settled down, Ace Rodgers removes a pen from his pocket and places it on the table.
Ace Rodgers: Alright, gentlemen, thanks for being calm and rational right now. We're here for one reason and one reason only. This contract states that your match at "Broken Hearts" will be the final match you two will ever be involved in against each other. This is it for both of you. There will be no rules. Corey Page and Sin Wrestling cannot be help responsible for anything... anything at all. It'll be an Auschwitz Prison Casket Match; both of your famed matches. We need to have both of you to sign on the dotted line to make it official.
Christ Carson eagerly rips the microphone out of Ace Rodgers's hand.
Christ Carson: Give me that, Ace. It's time for me to speak my words.
The fans heavily jeer Christ Carson, hating who he has turned into.
Christ Carson: Chris Extreme... last week, you crucified me. Like Jesus Christ before me, I took the sacrifice and at Broken Hearts, I will take the sacrifice again. In order to rid the world of your evil, I am willing to destroy myself... and for one night only, I will face the demon and go one-on-one with evil. You have your sexual promiscuity--...
The fans cheer for that.
Christ Carson: Your lewd swearing...
Again, the fans cheer.
Christ Carson: You have your mockery of God...
More cheering is heard.
Christ Carson: You think you have it all. You don't. But don't worry, Extreme, I will save you. I will save you, even if it means for one night only, I have to bring back the monster. Even if it means I will have to bring back the evil. Sometimes to fight evil, you have to confront the evil.
Christ Carson signs his name to the contract.
Christ Carson: And my son, I will rid the world of your evil.
Ace Rodgers: Christ Carson has signed! It's over to you, Chris Extreme. You have to sign on the dotted line, as well.
Ace takes the pen and hands it over to Chris Extreme, who has the microphone pointed in his direction. With a big smirk, Chris begins speaking up.
Chris Extreme: You poor, delusional bastard. Do you really think you serve a God? Do you really think God exists? If there is a God -- which there's not -- do you really think he'd want us, this pitiful human race? You sicken me. Just like you; just like me; just like everybody, we're all just cockroaches. We're all the same, equal, putrid piles of shit. You're no better than me and all of these fans here, you wannabe child molesting bag of shit.
Christ Carson looks horrified at Chris Extreme's words. Alternatively, the fans break out in a raucous cheer.
Chris Extreme: This will be the final encounter between Chris Extreme and Chris Carson. That's right, faggot, your name is Chris Carson. Not Christ. You're the motherfucking Creep. The creepiest motherfucker that ever was. You can't deny what you are. Instead of felching on Fred Phelps's twisted Bible and deluding yourself into thinking you're a family man, you remind yourself you can't erase the past. You can't erase throwing me off a cliff, while trapped in the back of an ambulance. You can't erase the history and the blood that has been spilled. Creep, you sorry prick--...
Chris Extreme scribbles his first name down on the paper.
Chris Extreme: You can't erase what me and me filthy, dirty cock is going to do to you and your clan of bigoted shit-stains. Look, I know I'm a racist, a bigot and an immoral piece of dogshit. And these fans love that I can admit to it. They love that I'm not deluding myself, even if I pretended to be Morgana for all those months. When I'm through with beating the Jesus out of you -- literally -- I'm going to hatefuck every single other deluded Christian. Me, Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins and Slavoj Zizek are going to travel around and rape every goddamn Christian we see. It'll be the Christian rape world tour. We'll fucking love it!
He begins to write his last name down, only writing the "E".
Chris Extreme: Goddamnit, Creep, I told everyone I'd sign this contract in your blood...
He pauses for a second.
Chris Extreme: And goddamnit, I will!
In a nano-second, he swipes at Chris Carson's face with the pen, punching him with it and knocking him down, into a bloody heap! Carson's face has been cut open and Chris Extreme uses his blood to finish writing his name on the contract. The fans are on their feet; the match is now official!
Ace Rodgers: Uh, well--- auughhh!
Jumping to his feet, Chris Carson retaliates by charging at Chris Extreme, knocking both the table and Ace Rodgers over! The crowd is in an uproar, as Carson pummels Chris Extreme, looking like a complete madman. Delirium passes over Chris Carson as he gains the upperhand in the brawling, soon putting Chris Extreme through the table with the "Patentia" -- a vertical suplex, into a chokeslam!
Dragging Chris over to the casket, which is on the outside, he heaves him inside of it and slams the lid down. Getting back onto the apron, Chris Carson stands above it and begins making a sign of the cross. When he is about to bring his arm down, Chris Extreme kicks the coffin's lid open and flings himself out of it! Jumping through the air, he goes straight for Chris Carson's jugular, dragging him down to the casket with him!
As the two brawl, the lid closes and the entire casket topples over! They continue fighting and brawling as Eternity draws to a close, both of them covered in blood; the white casket soon turning a crimson red.