As a matter of fact, as the cameras turn on, they show a giant, lize-sized caked sitting in the middle of the ring.
Inside of the ring, standing next to the cake, holding a microphone, is Sin Wrestling owner, Corey Page. The Detroit, Michigan fans are on their feet, celebrating tonight's event, the fifth anniversary for Sin Wrestling, giving a rousing ovation.
Lex Robinson: Welcome, everyone, to Five Years Gone!
Steve Hebert: Has it really been five years, Lex?
Lex Robinson: Yes, indeed it has! From Jarred Happy-versus-Dexter Throckmorton; to tonight's main event cage match, featuring Chris Carson, Sebastian York and Stevie Swing -- Sin Wrestling is alive and well!
Steve Hebert: Jesus Christ, I've wasted my life.
Lex Robinson: From talents ranging from Gwenivere Jordan-to-Chris Extreme-to-Stevie Swing, Sin Wrestling has lasted 5 years; and here's to many more.
Steve Hebert: I definitely need a new job.
Lex Robinson: Corey Page is in the ring, introducing us to tonight's event... here we go...
Still standing next to the cake, Corey Page raises the microphone up to his mouth.
Corey Page: We've made it! Five years... we've finally made it! Through five years, we've seen it all. From Zimdela Brudon destroying everyone in his path, Aurora Steele slutting around, and Jude Malice committing suicide, live on the air. We've finally hit the five year mark!
The fans let out a loud cheer, hoping for more SW action.
Corey Page: There's been bad times... like when I got arrested on suspicion of providing drugs and steroids to my roster; which was absolutely ridiculous, mind you. Let's not even forget when Chris Extreme shot me!
A mixed response pours in, as Corey reviews some SW history.
Corey Page: However, there's been plenty of good, too! Who could forget Morgana's nearly one year long reign as World Champion?! Nikita coming back from adversity, capturing the title. Returns of Casanova, Declan Turner and Chris Carson.
He stops, taking some time to soak in the applause from the fans.
Corey Page: So, without further ado...
Corey removes a knife that had been stuffed down the back of his pants, waving it maliciously around.
Corey Page: ...it's time to stab and kill everyone.
Steve Hebert: It's about time!
Lex Robinson: ...Huh? Surely, he's kidding.
Confusion is abound, prompting Corey Page to speak up.
Corey Page: Im kidding! Sheesh!
Instead, he points the knife at the cake.
Corey Page: I'm going to cut this cake... and then something special will jump out of it... if you know what I'm sayin'.
With a wink, he steps towards the cake and slices into it. He steps back, waiting for the top to pop off it.
Corey Page: Uh... here we go...!
...
Corey Page: Come on out... you know...
...still nothing...
Corey Page: Uhm...
As Corey steps back to the cake, wanting to look inside of it, the pop instantly pops off, almost striking him. What oozes out is something slimy and less than pleasant.
It's a chain-smoking Trish Newborn, complete with a heroin needle in her arm, looking like she hasn't eaten and/or stopped drinking in days.
Trish Newborn: [slurring her speech] Happy biiiiirttthdayyyyyyyyy to youuuuu...
From within the cake, she wiggles, sickening everyone.
Trish Newborn: Happy birthdayyyy to youuuuuuuuuu...
Standing to the side, Corey Page looks horrified, this obviously wasn't what he was expecting.
Steve Hebert: Oh dear, I came.
Lex Robinson: Ugh... what the hell?
Steve Hebert: Just kidding. Jesus Christ, just kidding. Someone throw a methadone sandwich at that whore, for the love of God.
Lex Robinson: She's about to crawl out of the cake, reaching out to Corey Page... this is disgusting!
Steve Hebert: Yuck. Stuff her back in. Like a turkey or something.
Trying to look seductive, Trish Newborn attempts climbing out of the cake, but her drunken stagger results in the cake toppling over, landing atop Corey Page. Covered in cake, trying to squirm away from the crazy, ugly, smelly, walking carcass of Trish Newborn, Corey happens to slip in icing, falling on his ass.
Lex Robinson: Run, Corey, run! This is worse than the time Neo tried to rape Corey Page!
Steve Hebert: Don't remind me.
Lex Robinson: Someone pull up her top, too! Ugh...
It appears Trish has also fallen out of her top, meaning her tits are dangling about, covered in creamy, white, vanilla icing. She chases after Corey Page, looking for a lapdance, unable to catch him, thanks to Corey racing out of the ring.
Steve Hebert: Lick the icing off her nipples, Corey. It'll be just like licking Betsy's tits!
Lex Robinson: Probably not as wrinkly.
Steve Hebert: More wrinkly, actually.
Lex Robinson: Sickening. Someone put those saggy, disgusting things away.
Steve Hebert: Drenched in cum, Corey Page can only run to the backstage area--...
Lex Robinson: Steve, that's icing! Jeez!
Steve Hebert: It's hard to differentiate; my bad.
In horror, Corey Page pushes his way through the curtain, while Trish Newborn remains on the floor, half-naked, covered in vanilla icing. Drunkenly stumbling about on the floor, she hugs several unlucky front row fans, letting them get a face full of her smelly, fowl tits.
Steve Hebert: Oh God, Trish Newborn is coming this way. Let me under the desk, Lex.
Lex Robinson: No! Get up here! Steve, stop that!
Steve Hebert: Let me... aughhh...
Just like that, she rounds the ring and latches onto Steve Hebert, thrusting her boobs into his face, getting him full of vanilla icing, as well.
Lex Robinson: Haha, poor Steve...
Steve Hebert: Get this crazy old bag off me!
Lex Robinson: Here we go, everyone...!
The image fades out, rolling into a video montage of highlights of the past 5 years in Sin Wrestling history. Images such as Charlotte West becoming the first World Champ; to Morgana debuting inside of a giant gift-wrapped box; to Declan Turner and Chris Carson duking it out in the ring.
The final image of the montage is that of Sebastian York winning the World Title from Casanova, which then fades into the final image from the previous Eternity card. Chris Carson, Stevie Swing and Sebastian York lay passed out on the canvas, with the World Title near them.
Tonight, there's no more running for Stevie Swing; Chris Carson gets one more chance to become the World Champ; and Sebastian York will attempt to retain, showing why he's in the upper echelon of Sin Wrestling.
With that, a horde of fireworks explode and tonight's event officially gets underway.
E
Heavier guitars come in hard as the main riff of the song starts, with the pyro erupting high into the air. Meanwhile, on the big screen, eruptions flare out, as well, finishing the original initials with "Roxy Erikson"!
Appearing at the entrance and stalked with multiple spotlights is Sin Wrestling's favorite party animal, Roxy Erikson, throwing the fans into a frenzy!
They say it's over budget but you pay her just to touch it
Come on!
Roxy Erikson dances her way to the edge of the entrance ramp, popping the corks on the bottle of champagne she has in each hand. She pours them over her body, which is barely clothed as in, in quite the trashiest of attire. She's wearing a barely-there bikini top, with a gaudily silver strip of fabric that may pass in extremely loose circles as a mini-skirt. Her shoes...well, her shoes are six inch glass heels, within which are live goldfish.
If Hollywood had called her she'd be gone before you holler
Come on!
As to further raise the bar, she dances her champagne-soaked way down to the ring, grinding her largely bare ass against the guardrail, fans extending their arms -- and even their face -- on her way down. As a matter of fact, several excited teenagers have their faces slapped heartily with her tits, before she slides triumphantly into the ring, whereupon she produces, cuts, and snorts a fresh line of coke! She strikes a stripper pose in the center of the ring, as the remainder of the pyro goes off around the stage and entrance, and her music fades away.
Lex Robinson: Roxy Erikson is here! We haven't seen her since she was arrested!
Steve Hebert: I expected her to be in a stripping joint right now. I, for one, am surprised.
Lex Robinson: This is awesome.
Steve Hebert: This is about as fun as having wrinkly, dirty Trish Newborn tits shoved in my face.
Lex Robinson: You're just jealous of those teenage fans.
Steve Hebert: Why yes, I've always wanted to stuff my face into coke-encrusted titties.
Lex Robinson: First, we had birthday cake-...
Steve Hebert: And now, we have birthday coke! Imagine that!
Lex Robinson: What a way to start the show!
With Roxy Erikson already in the ring and coked off her ass, the lights flare low and spotlights shine down, as Casanova appears on the entrance ramp. He wheels out a shopping cart covered with a sheet as "Scream" by Avenged Sevenfold blasts through the arena. He is handed a microphone by an official as he reaches the ring, and motions for his music to stop.
Casanova: A lot of people have been saying a lot of things lately. 'Casanova returns...and doesn't go after his World Title? Is he conceding that he can't beat York? Is he pussying out of the main event?'
The audience quiets, as if waiting for him to continue.
Casanova: The answer...is no. I can beat York, as I proved time and time again in the last year. I can carry show after show on my back, as I again proved so recently. But to not go after the World Title...that one, that one is true. See, I've come to a conclusion after the debacle that was the last year in Sin Wrestling, one that logically follows, and will now come full circle in this new era of the company...
He waits for a moment, leaving the crowd hanging.
Casanova: This era will not be defined by the World Champion. No...just as the last era was defined by weak champions, this one will not be defined by a title at all. Five Years Gone marks a new beginning for Sin Wrestling. An end to the ages of Sentinels, of Chris Extreme, of Morgana, and Declan Turner. An end to the ages marked by Nikita, Stevie Swing, and most of all...Sebastian York.
The crowd begins to turn on him, booing at his inclusion of Sebastian York in the ages-past list.
Casanova: Five Years Gone marks the beginning of the Age of Pain!
With his free hand, Casanova yanks aside the sheet atop the shopping cart, revealing a short garbage can. From within, he pulls out a thick roll of duct tape, which he begins wrapping thickly around his hands.
Casanova: An Age of Carnage!
He pauses to drop the microphone, the taping complete. He quickly smashes his hands into the garbage can, withdrawing them slowly as he visibly trembles. His taped hands now glitter with hideous shards of glass sticking out menacingly. The audience gasps audibly, as he slowly picks up the microphone.
Casanova: An Age...of Blood.
He slides into the ring, awaiting Lacklan's entrance.
Beethoven's "The Moonlight Sonata" as performed by the indie-rock group, Inverse, plays, but there is no fanfare. No dimming of the houselights, no purple spotlight and no Minions. Lacklan walks down to the ring, alone, his cowl pulled over his masked face, the legendary Knocker in hand. Lacklan peers across the ring, regarding his opponent, his old adversary. With his free hand, the Hammer pulls the cowl back to reveal his trademark alabaster mask. Roxy Erikson, high and more than a little bored, looks to call for the bell, but Lacklan asks for a microphone!
Steve Hebert: Isn’t this the curtain jerker? What are these jobbers doing talking?
Lex Robinson: Those aren’t jobbers, Steve. There’s a lot of history between those two.
Steve Hebert: Yeah, right. Just like there’s a lot of history between me and Morgana’s cunt.
Lacklan stands in the ring, the Knocker in one hand, a microphone in the other. His eyes locked on Casanova, he brings the mic to his lips.
Jean-Paul Lacklan: You wish to earn my respect, Casanova. You wish that I show you my greatness, that I show you that your fawning was correctly placed.
Lacklan pauses. The buzz in the arena is palpable.
Jean-Paul Lacklan: Come, Casanova. PROVE YOURSELF TO ME!
Jean-Paul Lacklan drops the microphone, but keeps a steady grip on the Knocker. Casanova uses the ring ropes to stretch. Both men then take a crouching position, Knocker squaring off against tai pei fists. Roxy Erikson scratches her ass, and the time keeper takes that as a signal to start the match!
Steve Hebert: Well, that was sexy... kinda.
Lex Robinson: With the bell, Five Years Gone is officially underway! It looks like Lacklan and Casanova will measure each other up in their respective corners. Both men are armed. Both men are extremely dangerous. Ladies and gentlemen, this won’t be a wrestling match: It’ll be a war!
Steve Hebert: On an epic scale that hasn’t been seen since my cock waged a thirty minute war against Roxy’s mouth.
Jean-Paul Lacklan is the first man to spring from his corner, looking to use the Knocker early. He swings for the fences, but Casanova ducks! Lacklan turns around, and Cas is right there, looking to score with a glass-fisted haymaker, but Lacklan ducks that and jabs the handle of the Knocker into Casanova’s abdomen!
Steve Hebert: Casanova’s doubled over like a money hungry, Jewish whore!
Lex Robinson: Lacklan raises the Knocker high above his head, like an executioner, but Casanova stands straight and Lacklan misses! Casanova goes for another punch, wanting desperately to make Lacklan bleed, but Lacklan again ducks the blow, which has Casanova spinning. He regains his bearings and tries to confront Lacklan, only to have a noxious purple mist spat at him!
Steve Hebert: The Japanese invented that shit to terrorize, burn, and blind anybody unfortunate to have it in their eyes, Lex. Look at Casanova, lying on the ground. He can’t see! He can’t get the mist out of his eyes, because he’s fucking stupid enough to dip his hands in glass!
Lex Robinson: It appears that you’re right, Steve, Casanova can’t see. Roxy checks on the three-time world champion, but Lacklan shoves her away!
After this, Lacklan measures Casanova up and stomps Casanova's throat! Lacklan lines Casanova up again, and brings his Dr. Martin’s boot down on the vampire’s throat once more! He quickly goes for the cover,
Steve Hebert: Roxy isn’t having any of that. She’s refusing to count the fall!
Roxy Erikson: You only stomped him, faggot.
Steve Hebert: What a dirty bitch! Lacklan could have this match won! She could be over here sucking my dick! What an awful world!
Lex Robinson: Lacklan brings Casanova to his feet and measures him some more. He hits Cas with an elbow, follows up with another elbow, and runs at the ropes. Casanova ducks, expecting a third, roaring, elbow, but he can’t see!
Steve Hebert: But Lord Lacklan can, and he takes advantage of the situation by driving his foot into Casanova’s throat! Casanova goes down, and Lacklan bounces off the ropes again, dropping an atomic leg down on Cas’ throat, brother!
Lex Robinson: Lacklan again goes for the cover, hooking the leg...
...
However, Casanova kicks out before Roxy is even in position for the count.
Lex Robinson: No!
Steve Hebert: She only knows one position, Lex, and it’s not the position you count pinfalls in. You’ve got to wonder how that’ll come into effect during this match.
Lex Robinson: Lacklan lets Casanova get to his feet before Irish whipping him into the ropes. Casanova comes back, and Lacklan catches him with a huge bossman slam!
Steve Hebert: He goes for the cover again, and Roxy is actually there to make the count!
Lex Robinson: Lacklan gets a one count from referee Roxy Erikson, which, at the very least, is better than a refusal and a count of zero.
Steve Hebert: This is bullshit! Lacklan has dominated Casanova since the beginning of the match!
Lex Robinson: It was a legit one-count. In fact, Lacklan doesn’t seem very concerned about it. He picks Casanova up from the mat by the hair and runs with him, launching the former World Champion over the top rope and out to the floor!
Steve Hebert: Casanova’s in a bad way, but Lacklan isn’t following up! Instead, he backs Roxy Erikson into the corner! He’s going to motorboat Roxy’s tits! He’s a motorboatin’ son of a bitch!
Lex Robinson: Actually, Lacklan’s just going to stare Roxy down, but who knows to what end? Maybe he’s upset about the count? Maybe he has another motive?
Steve Hebert: Maybe Lacklan’s offering her money for services to be rendered later tonight. I hear he likes dirty bitches.
Lex Robinson: It doesn’t matter though, because Lacklan notices that Casanova is up, using the guardrail for support.
In the ring, Lacklan bounces off the ropes, then leaps over the other side with his trademark Crucifix Plancha! Unfortunately, Casanova dives out of the way at the very last second, thus sending Lacklan flying face first into the guardrail!
Lex Robinson: Good heavens! What a crash!
Steve Hebert: Casanova makes his way over to Lacklan like he can see again and picks him up.
Lex Robinson: I think Casanova can see again. He must have used the ring apron to get Lacklan’s mist out of his eyes.
Steve Hebert: Faggotry aside, Casanova hooks Lacklan up and drives him back into the guardrail with a Russian leg sweep! Now that Lacklan is stunned, Casanova starts laying into him with shots from those glassy hands of his!
Lex Robinson: Lacklan is wearing a mask, Steve. I’m not so sure those shots are going to have the desired effect. He’s going to have to hit a relatively small target area if he wants to see any juice.
Steve Hebert: It’s a relatively depressing end to the era of blood, I agree.
Casanova appears to have gotten the hint though, and now he’s jabbing away at Lacklan’s abdomen, which is uncovered! It only takes a few punches, but now Lacklan is bleeding from a bunch of small cuts all over his stomach.
Steve Hebert: He can take it. He sees shit like this in Maine every day. Maine is hardcore.
Lex Robinson: Keep in mind, Steve, that every time Casanova grabs Lacklan, he’s going to be cutting away at him. All of that bloodloss is going to add up eventually.
Steve Hebert: Maybe, like right now, because Cas is bringing Lacklan up to his feet.
Casanova winds up and hits a knife-edge chop to Jean-Paul Lacklan, who, much to his credit, isn’t crying like a bitch right now.
Lex Robinson: He rolls over to protect his abdomen by instinct, and Casanova rakes Lacklan’s back with the backs of his hands! All that glass, running down Lacklan’s back!
Steve Hebert: He’s still not crying!
Lex Robinson: No, but he is bleeding, and this is just sick. Casanova takes Lacklan by the arm and Irish-whips him hard—so hard that Lacklan flies over the guardrail and into the crowd!
Lacklan is slow to get up, but Casanova charges after him and leaps over the guardrail, hitting a flying lariat!
Lex Robinson: Casanova goes for the cover right then and there, but I’m not sure... is this Falls Count Anywhere, or is it just No Holds Barred?
Steve Hebert: As long as that Zeus fag doesn’t show up, brother.
Lex Robinson: Roxy gets out of the ring, and I’m assuming she’d count the pin, but Lacklan kicks out! Roxy jumps over the rail now, monitoring the action as Casanova picks Lacklan up.
Steve Hebert: “Monitoring the action?” She’s taking another vial of coke out from her crusty panties, Lex. She can’t go 15 minutes without another fix!
Meanwhile, Casanova measures Lacklan for another haymaker, but Lacklan ducks, and Casanova blasts a fan!
Lex Robinson: Jesus Christ! That fan is down, and he is bleeding!
Steve Hebert: He shouldn’t have been standing there.
Lex Robinson: Lacklan waits for Casanova to turn around, and he spews another cloud of purple mist! Casanova ducks that though, and another fan catches a face full of mist!
Steve Hebert: That shit is no game, Lex!
Lex Robinson: We’re only ten minutes into this Pay Per View, and the collateral damage is astronomical.
Steve Hebert: These people can’t sue us. They’re poor.
Lex Robinson: So are we, Steve. That’s why we’re in Detroit.
Steve Hebert: Oh. Hey, look at Roxy! She’s not snorting that coke at all…she’s pouring it into her cleavage. She grabs a lucky fan and smothers the young woman in her tits! This is amazing!
Lex Robinson: This is awful—we have a bleeding fan, a blind fan, and a fan who will forever be addicted to cocaine.
Steve Hebert: That chick Roxy smothered looks like a black chick—she was gonna get hooked anyhow.
Lex Robinson: We’re going to have a lawsuit on our hands, Steve.
Steve Hebert: Whatever.
Lacklan and Casanova are brawling in the aisle now, sending fists to each other's head.
Lex Robinson: I don’t understand how Lacklan’s able to shrug off Casanova’s blows, but the more punishment he takes, the more he bleeds.
The two of them wind up back at the guardrail, with Casanova on the advantage. He charges at Lacklan, who ducks and back body drops him back into the ringside area!
Lex Robinson: Oh god! Paramedics scramble after our injured, high fans as Lacklan climbs over the guardrail himself, looking to continue the punishment to Casanova. He picks the former champion up and gets him in a front facelock. He gets Casanova up for a suplex…and brings him down throat first on the guardrail!
Steve Hebert: Fucking awesome!
Lex Robinson: Roxy Erikson screams at Lacklan, who holds Casanova’s throat to the rail. Lacklan, bleeding, focuses his attention on Roxy as he winds up and drills Cas with an absolutely sinister elbow, further driving Cas’ throat to the rail!
Steve Hebert: And he’s not done yet!
Lacklan climbs to the top rope, looks down at Casanova, and leaps again, driving another elbow onto the back of Casanova’s skull!
Lex Robinson: That’ll kill Casanova!
Steve Hebert: He’s a vampire, faggot. Vampires are the walking dead.
Lex Robinson: Lacklan grabs Casanova and drags him over the rail before throwing him into the ring. Roxy finally finds her way back to the ring, just in time to see Lacklan go back to the top rope! Lacklan leaps off and nails a gorgeous headbutt on the former champion!
Steve Hebert: Lacklan makes the cover; if Roxy can count to three, this one’s over!
She drops down, making the cover...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: Somehow, Casanova kicks out!
Steve Hebert: He got his shoulders off the mat, that’s how.
Next, Lacklan brings Casanova back to his feet. He whips him into the ropes... and catches him in the sleeper!
Lex Robinson: A sleeperhold!
Steve Hebert: That’s no sleeper! He’s got him hooked up for the Salvation!
Lex Robinson: That’s the move that broke Stevie Swing’s neck! Casanova struggles, but Lacklan has it hooked! He cranks the neck, and Casanova drops to the canvas! Lacklan drops down after him to make the cover, and it’s all academic from here!
Roxy Erikson goes down to make the count…
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: This is it! Lacklan’s going to win!
...
Lex Robinson: Casanova gets his foot on the ropes!
Steve Hebert: It’s no holds barred!
Lex Robinson: It’s a clean break!
Steve Hebert: It’s official then. Stevie Swing has always been a pussy.
Lex Robinson: If Lacklan is stunned, he isn’t showing it. Calmly, he brings Casanova to his feet and looks to whip him into the corner. Casanova reverses, but Lacklan hangs on tight and reverses on Cas! Casanova hits the turnbuckle hard, and Lacklan follows in after! Lacklan goes for a big splash, but Casanova drops down, and Lacklan eats the corner! Casanova goes for the cover!
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: Lacklan kicks out!
Steve Hebert: Casanova is already up to his feet, though. He’s got a second wind; and he’s pissed off!
Casanova looks barks something at Roxy Erikson, who, to this point, has been about as unbiased as a real referee. She shrugs her shoulders and slides out of the ring, while Casanova quickly re-establishes control of Jean-Paul Lacklan.
Steve Hebert: Casanova hits Lacklan with a pair of elbows, which makes no sense considering the taped fists, but he goes for the Roaring Elbow, one of Lacklan’s favorite moves, only for Lacklan, himself, to duck it!
In return, Lacklan springs up just in time for him to walk into a discus clothesline! Taking this time, Casanova checks on Roxy Erikson, who appears to have found a table under the ring! Satisfied, Casanova goes to his garbage can and dumps out all of the glass in it! He sets the can in the middle of the ring and picks Lacklan up again.
Steve Hebert: Is he going to trash Lacklan? I love it when people do that.
Lex Robinson: Casanova whips Lacklan into the ropes. Jean-Paul shoots back, and Cas lifts him up... flapjack onto the garbage can! Roxy, on the outside, has successfully set up a table. She gets back into the ring, and Casanova makes the cover. Roxy refuses, pointing to the table on the outside!
Steve Hebert: Typical woman, even if she’s a coked-up fangbanger.
Lex Robinson: Casanova looks non-too-pleased with Roxy’s refusal to count, so he stomps at Lacklan and goes to the corner, where he fools around with the ring apron and comes up with a small can of gasoline!
Steve Hebert: Break out the marshmallows!
Lex Robinson: Casanova squeezes the gas out over the table. This could turn out to be a situation very similar to Cas’ match with "The Creep" at Christmas at Stevie’s.
Steve Hebert: Let’s hope!
Casanova throws the bottle down and picks up Lacklan, looking to soften him up for whatever he has planed. First, Casanova looks to whip Lacklan into the corner, but Jean-Paul reverses, and Casanova goes hard into the turnbuckles! He stumbles out and Lacklan comes at him from the ropes... and Lacklan bulldogs Casanova into the broken glass!
Steve Hebert: Holy balls!
Lex Robinson: I can’t believe it myself, Steve. What’s interesting is that Lacklan isn’t going for the cover! Instead, he picks up Casanova’s gas canister and shakes it. Satisfied, he walks over to Cas and empties the rest of the contents on him!
Steve Hebert: Do you know what happens when a vampire is set on fire?
Lex Robinson: No, what?
Steve Hebert: I don’t know. Haven’t gotten that far in Twilight yet.
Lex Robinson: Lacklan goes back on the offensive, stomping Casanova’s head and grinding it in the broken glass. Lacklan then gets on his knees, grabs Casanova’s head by the hair, and rams it into the glass some more, screaming crazily at the former champion.
Steve Hebert: It looks like Lacklan has snapped, Lex. That usually means bad news for any woman who happens to be in the ring with him, but he seems pretty focused on cutting Casanova up.
Lex Robinson: Lacklan doesn’t go for the cover again, and I’m not sure that’s a smart move. There’s no way anybody, human or vampire, could survive Lacklan’s onslaught. Instead, he picks Casanova up and whips him into the ropes. Lacklan bounces off the ropes himself and goes for a clothesline... Casanova ducks!
Both men bounce off the ropes again. Casanova goes for a clothesline this time, but Lacklan ducks!
Lex Robinson: The two meet in the center again, Casanova goes for a second clothesline, but Lacklan drills him with a Yakuza kick!
Steve Hebert: Go for the cover!
Lex Robinson: Lacklan moves towards the corner, where Casanova got the gas can from, and goes under the apron, finding a book of matches. This isn’t good, Steve.
Steve Hebert: You’re right—it’s fucking incredible. The fans, those morons, are buzzing!
Lacklan lights a match and uses it to light the rest of the book. There’s an evil look in his eyes, as he’s about to throw that book onto an oil-soaked Casanova, but Roxy Erikson comes between Lacklan and Casanova!
Steve Hebert: Jean-Paul Lacklan shoves that bitch to the mat so hard that she slides out of the ring! He’s going to do it!
Lex Robinson: Lacklan stands over Casanova, flaming book of matches in hand, and he throws it onto Casanova! He goes up in flames!
Steve Hebert: Holy fuck!
Lex Robinson: Somebody call the paramedics. Please.
Steve Hebert: They’re already rushing three fans off to the hospital.
Lex Robinson: Somebody stop the goddamn match then!
Steve Hebert: That’s Roxy’s job, and it looks like she’s busy under the ring.
Lex Robinson: Jesus Christ, that’s a board with barbwire stapled to it. What in God’s name is that doing under the ring?
Steve Hebert: Who knows, but it’s out there, and it’s in play now, along with the table, which has been soaked with gas.
Lex Robinson: This match can’t go on any longer though—Lacklan just set Casanova on fire.
Steve Hebert: No holds barred, Lex. This ain’t over until one of them is dead!
Lex Robinson: Roxy gets back on the apron, and she starts screaming at Lacklan. Lacklan, who was stomping away at Casanova, effectively putting out the fire, turns his attention to Roxy.
He approaches the ring apron, only to get slapped! Roxy looks to hit Lacklan again, but he catches Roxy and climbs out onto the ring apron.
Steve Hebert: That creepy, purple freak has both of Roxy’s arms. What’s he going to do?
Lacklan stares intently at Roxy, who looks like she needs a bump of coke.
Lacklan: One chance, Ms. Erikson.
Lex Robinson: That’s the same ultimatum he gave to those people at the blood bar!
Steve Hebert: Yeah, but that shit was so fake.
Lex Robinson: Roxy weighs her options, and responds by spitting at Lacklan! He doesn’t take her rejection well and hooks Roxy up for a Tiger Suplex on the apron!
Steve Hebert: That kind of shit could snap Roxy in half, and that’s something I want to see!
Lex Robinson: Lacklan has Roxy, but out of nowhere, there’s Casanova! He runs into Lacklan, who flies off the apron and into the barbwire board! Lacklan has got to be dead!
Steve Hebert: He’s probably biding his time, waiting to grow, mutate, and strike like Super Shredder.
Lex Robinson: Casanova isn’t going to give him a chance, through; because he runs at the ropes again and delivers a summersault senton on his downed opponent, driving even more barbwire into Lacklan’s flesh!
Steve Hebert: He rips Lacklan off of the board, which huts more than being thrown on, and rolls him back into the ring! Look at those little chunks of Lacklan stuck in the wire!
Lex Robinson: Casanova goes for the cover, and Roxy is quick to count the fall...!
...1...
Lex Robinson: One...!
...2...
Lex Robinson: ...two... and...
...
Steve Hebert: No! He kicks out!
Lex Robinson: I can’t believe it! Lacklan got his shoulder up just before the three!
Steve Hebert: Lacklan is a fucking animal!
Lex Robinson: But that kickout may have been pure instinct. Lacklan isn’t moving much, and Casanova is digging under the lip of that ring apron again. It looks like he’s found another book of matches.
Steve Hebert: And, just like that, we’ve got a flaming table!
Casanova picks Lacklan up, but Lacklan gets a flurry of energy and starts striking Casanova in the abdomen, stunning him. Following up, Lacklan gives his opponent a few elbows to the head, picks him up and then sits him on the top rope, so that he’s looking out at the crowd! He steps out onto the apron and climbs the turnbuckles, his back to the table.
Lex Robinson: What is he doing?!
Steve Hebert: Fuck if I know, Lex. I’ve never seen anything like this!
Lex Robinson: Lacklan hits Casanova a few times, but Cas blocks one and punches Lacklan, who teeters and totters, coming dangerously close to falling off the turnbuckle! Lacklan regains his balance, only for Casanova to spit a mist of his own at Lacklan!
Steve Hebert: That’s blood! Fucking disgusting! Lacklan is going to have to get an AIDS test!
Lex Robinson: Lacklan can’t see a thing, and Casanova takes advantage, sunset flipping over Lacklan onto the apron... POWERBOMBING HIM THROUGH THE FLAMING TABLE!
Immediately, a “Holy Shit!” chant sweeps the arena as Casanova looks down at the twitching body of Jean-Paul Lacklan, lying amongst the burnt remains of a table.
Steve Hebert: That’s the fucking coolest shit you’ll ever see. Incredible!
Lex Robinson: I can’t believe it, Steve, and I don’t think anybody in this arena can, either. Casanova even looks a bit stunned, but there’s a smile on his sick, bleeding face. He climbs down from the apron, picks Lacklan up, and rolls into the ring. He makes the cover, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say that it was all academic from here.
Roxy goes down to make the cover...
...1...
Lex Robinson: One...!
...2...
Lex Robinson: ...two...
...
Steve Hebert: Lacklan gets his fucking foot on the ropes! I can’t believe it! I don’t want to believe it!
Lex Robinson: The fans are just as stunned as we are, Lex. Casanova can’t exactly believe it, either, but he’s not taking it sitting down. As Lacklan struggles to his feet, Casanova bounces off the ropes and looks for "Something Wicked"; but Lacklan flops to the canvas, and Cas runs into Roxy, knocking her down!
Steve Hebert: Casanova checks on the skanky referee, which is about the dumbest thing you can do in a situation like this, because there’s Lacklan, rising like a fucking swamp monster.
Lex Robinson: And he’s got the Knocker again! Casanova turns around, but it’s much too late...
WHAM!
Lex Robinson: Lacklan hits Casanova in the gut, sending the vampire reeling to the corner!
Furthermore, Lacklan picks Casanova up and crotches him backwards on the top turnbuckle before dropping him down in the Tree of Woe.
Steve Hebert: He sets the Knocker up on its end and backs into the other corner. Lacklan charges at Casanova and baseball slides the Knocker into his face!
Lex Robinson: Lacklan realizes that there’s no referee, though; and rather than getting Roxy awake, he resets Casanova on the top turnbuckle and goes up top with him. It looks like he’s setting Casanova up for his finishing move, but I’ve never seen the Last Rite preformed from the top rope, Steve.
Steve Hebert: He’s putting the vampire away for good!
Lex Robinson: This is too much. Lacklan has Casanova hooked up for the Final Rite, and Casanova is struggling against it, but he just got a face full of Knocker and is in no condition to fight.
Steve Hebert: He’s a fucking vampire, Lex. That’s like a fag version of Wolverine.
Fighting back, Casanova punches Lacklan a few times, stinging him with a few blows from his glass-dipped fists, but Lacklan is beyond pain right now. With his free arm, Lacklan brings an elbow down on Casanova’s throat, ending his resistance. Lacklan lifts the vampire into the air, and his legs give out... FINAL RITE, in the center of the ring!
Lex Robinson: He hits it!
Steve Hebert: But Lacklan’s exhausted, too. It’s all he can do to crawl over a few inches and drape an arm across Casanova! Plus, Roxy is down and out!
Lex Robinson: Lacklan does drape his arm on Casanova’s body, and there’s Roxy, dragging herself to the scene of the pinfall. She raises her hand…
...1...
Lex Robinson: One...@
...2...
Steve Hebert: Listen to the fans, Lex, they’re counting along with Roxy—for a Lacklan pinfall!
...3!
Lex Robinson: Casanova barely gets a shoulder up, but it’s a split second late! These fans should be cheering for Lacklan, and for Casanova—that was one hell of a match!
Steve Hebert: Neither man is getting up, Lex.
Lex Robinson: Both men are going to need medical attention when they make it to the back, that much is for sure.
Steve Hebert: Wait, Lacklan is crawling away from Casanova, towards the Knocker. He has it in his hand now, and uses it to haul himself up to his feet!
Lex Robinson: Would somebody take that thing away from him?
Stalking Casanova, Lacklan holds The Knocker, ready to strike again Just as Casanova makes it to his feet, Lacklan swings...
Lex Robinson: Casanova ducks and drops out of the ring!
Steve Hebert: That coward!
On the floor, Casanova stares at Lacklan, who stares at him. He thinks better of getting back in the ring to fight the bloodied Jean-Paul, who has the high ground and the Knocker. He retreats to the back, never taking his eye off the man that bested him.
LeX Robinson: Casanova walks to the back...
Steve Hebert: But he left Roxy in the ring!
Lex Robinson: Lacklan realizes that, and goes after her!
He takes a swing and clips Erikson in the knee with The Knocker, sending her to the mat! Lacklan raises the Knocker for another blow, aims at the head, but snaps out of his rage and lowers his weapon.
Steve Hebert: Thank fuck. Someday, I want to motorboat Roxy when she’s got coke on her boobs.
Lex Robinson: He’s got a mic.
Steve Hebert: Fuck me, why? Go back to killing Roxy.
Lacklan: Will no one fight me? Will no one come to me...challenge me?
Lacklan raises the Knocker into the air.
Lacklan: FIGHT ME, SIN WRESTLING!
As Lacklan leaves the ring, there is actually a smattering of applause and cheers.
Steve Hebert: Everybody talks too much.
In the ring, Roxy is down, having faced the brunt of The Knocker, while Jean-Paul Lacklan walks to the back, bloodied, but the victor.
Winner: Jean-Paul Lacklan
Chris Carson: Fuck, man. So tired...
His beard and hair look a bit more scraggly and unkempt, his eyes looking incredibly heavy from lack of sleep. He is about to enter the locker room, but stops for a moment. He doesn't even have the energy to sneer as Morgana steps into the area.
Morgana: Hey, hey.
Carson sighs heavily, but isn't prepared for war. He rubs his eyes with his free hand.
Chris Carson: Not now. Lemme be. I just want to think about my match. I have too much on my mind.
Carson is about to step past Morgana, but she appears to want to talk first.
Morgana: I just want a second, Creepy.
Chris Carson: Errr...
Morgana: Uhm... I mean "Creep". Sorry, force of habit. Anyhow...
Carson drops his duffel bag on the floor, looking frustrated but drained, a hand on his hip as he rubs his eyes again.
Chris Carson: Look, I don't want to hear...
Morgana: Carson, this can't wait, okay? Look, I'm sorry about all the problems with your son...
Carson rubs his forehead, obviously uncomfortable with talking about Chris Jr. with his one-time rival. He finally points a finger at Morgana.
Chris Carson: I don't want sympathy from you. I don't want friendship. I don't want anything. I just want to focus. You can't possibly know...
Morgana just shuts Carson up by shoving a wrapped gift into Carson's stomach.
Morgana: I do know what it's like to lose a kid, Carson. Be thankful that you didn't. It's just a toy for your son, okay? Just my way of finally burying the hatchet and all. Deal with it. Oh, and this...
Morgana get the last word in as she walks away, leaving "The Creep" with a toy and a "Get well soon" card made out of sparkles, macaroni and glue. Carson is left holding the wrapped box with the toy. He walks over to a trash barrel and goes to throw the box into it, but stops short.
Chris Carson: Man, havin' a kid's made me soft...
Carson mutters quietly as he stuffs the box in his duffel bag and heads into the locker room.
"I can go out there tonight-- the materials you got-- make myself $15,000. Tonight! In two hours! Can you?"
"You hear me you fuckin' faggots?!"
it's the gorilla
and if they feel ya, they screamin' like
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Like Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
mistah, mistah
quick to get wit'cha
chick, if she get the whip for this
she be like
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Like Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Declan Turner: This is bullshit, folks. You know it and I know it. And yes, even Corey Page knows it. Besides, you people know me. You know that I give it my best when I'm here and I'll be damned that I'll let some retarded, goat-fucking faggot minimize my greatness on another curtain-jerking squash match!
A ruckus of jeers spread across the venue, quickly turning to cheers, as Corey Page suddenly appears on the large view screen, sloppily eating a chocolate waffle cone, while still covered in cake leftovers.
Corey Page: You want respect, Declan? You want a right to earn title shots again? Maybe this will teach you to give notice before you decide to screw me out of money from sponsors by ditching the fed. And as for the match tonight, I'm going to show you what a “retarded goat-fucking faggot” is capable of. Starting right now, this match is now a “Jobber Slobber Knocker.”
The crowd explodes into cheers as Declan sneers and grabs the ropes, inaudibly pointing at the screen and shouting profanities.
Corey Page: No DQ. No count out. It will be seven on one. Each one arriving thirty seconds apart. To win this match you have to pin them all. Oh, and if you lose by pinfall, you're fired. Don't bother coming back.
Lex Robinson: Did you hear that?! This has got to be a first! A Jobber Slobber Knocker!
Steve Hebert: It's like a gang bang only I won't go into a funk afterwards!
Lex Robinson: ... Why would you do that?
Steve Hebert: Well, you'd be depressed too if your wife told you just to watch!
Lex Robinson: Snap.
“I Am A Real American” begins to play over the system as amateur wrestler, Aaron Frame, comes out to a huge ovation
Lex Robinson: And listen to this huge ovation to Aaron Frame's arrival. Boy, this kid looks sharp.
Steve Hebert: We haven't seen this useless sack of shit since 2004, too!
Lex Robinson: Either way, he's just been brought up, let's see how he fares against Declan!
Just as soon as Aaron slides into the ring, Declan begins to lay kicks into Frame's writhing body. Picking Frame up by his head, Declan Irish-whips him towards the ropes. On the return, Declan lifts his leg, nailing Aaron with a huge boot to the face!
Lex Robinson: Declan getting the upper hand early here.
Steve Hebert: Let's be honest. Aaron Frame couldn't pin a corpse, let alone Declan Turner.
Lex Robinson: Is that foreshadowing I hear?
Frame tries to shake away stars, as once again, Declan lifts him to his feet. Grinning sadistically, Declan throws Frame into a corner turnbuckle and begins to stomp mud holes into his gut. Frame collapses int the corner as suddenly the crowd begins to count along to the clock on the viewscreen.
Lex Robinson: As Declan waffles Frame, the fans count down. Who's next?!
Steve Hebert: Goldberg! Ross Goldberg, that is, Jewish attorney of law.
...10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...
“Break The Walls Down” explodes over the P.A. as J2K appears at the top of the ramp! Lex Robinson: I'm checking my notes and apparently, that's J2K!
Steve Hebert: THE J2K?!
Lex Robinson: Yes! That one! Former TWW World Championn J2K!
Steve Hebert: Who the fuck is J2K?!
Lex Robinson: I just told you! He's our janitor, now!
Declan ignores the charging J2K, as he wraps his arms around Frame's legs and lifts him from the corner and into the air with an Alley-Oop Bomb!
Steve Hebert: Alley-oop!
Lex Robinson: Here's the cover...
The referee counts...
...1...2...3!
Steve Hebert: And out he goes!
Lex Robinson: Sad to see that talent lose. He's got a lot of heart!
Steve Hebert: That makes sense. Because if heart won Championships, that guy would be KING OF THE UNIVERSE.
Lex Robinson: I'm picking up on that sarcasm, Steve.
Steve Hebert: How about you pick up the tab next time we're at the bar too, douche.
J2K, looking more like Mickey Rourke thrown into traffic, begins blading his forehead for no reason... and continues this demonstration in modern art by carving into his arms.
Steve Hebert: He should be listening to Nine Inch Nails -- not wrestling.
Lex Robinson: Well... maybe.
Sliding into the ring, no doubt leaving a red streak, he charges at Declan who blatantly kicks him in the balls stopping him dead in his tracks!
Lex Robinson: Wow. I hope he's wearing a cup.
Steve Hebert: If he wasn't, those water balloons that just popped didn't help!
Declan raises back and nails J2K with a huge right cross that sends him spiraling into the ropes, hanging on for dear life. The crowd chants again!
Lex Robinson: Here we go again! Another countdown!
...10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...
Vanilla Ninja's "Dangerzone" plays through the sound system and Trish Newborn comes out to the top of the ramp, looking ragged and pulling a syringe out of her arm.
Lex Robinson: It's Trish Newborn! Steve Hebert: Ugh... get her out of here. Besides, didn't someone steal her identity once?
Lex Robinson: Well, if she lost anything, it's her dignity, because she forgot to put on a shirt!
Steve Hebert: Oh god. You can see her ribs. And her tits are lopsided. It looks like a car accident.
Trish slides into the ring to a bewildered Declan, who shrugs and throws her into a far turnbuckle before turning his attention back to J2K.
Lex Robinson: Whoa! J2K hauls back and begins throwing short jabs to Declan, catching him off guard. At that time, Trish comes running from the opposite corner, tweaking severely and foaming at the mouth.
Steve Hebert: Oh dear god.
Lex Robinson: Regaining his bearings, Declan steps out of the way and pushes Trish into J2K!
Trish splashes J2K in the corner by accident and stumbles backwards, very confused. Declan is already behind her and lifts her up in a Full Nelson! He side-steps her as he tosses her into the air, throwing her down in a Modified Slam before slamming a boot on her face, crushing her nose!
Steve Hebert: Thank heavens, she's dead.
Lex Robinson: I guess she won't be rubbing her tits all over you anymore.
Steve Hebert: Darn... err... I mean phew.
The ref counts the pin!
...1...2...3!
Lex Robinson: And just like that she's gone! I feel bad for her.
Steve Hebert: Fuck that, I feel worse for her gynecologist.
Turning his attention back to J2K, Declan begins laying kicks into him, as the crowd chants to the clock!
...10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...
“Duality” by Slipknot sounds over the arena as a man in a black robe comes out to the ramp. Lex Robinson: Do you see what I see?! He's back! It's former World Champion, Flame!
Steve Hebert: Flame?! Really?! Is this a NEW ERA OF SIN?! Please tell me this match will now have random German chanting and goth candles!
Tossing J2K to the mat, Declan rolls out of the ring and catches Flame off guard by spearing him into the guardrail! Flame folds like a cardboard box as Declan stands up, ripping the robe from his body. Grasping at his hair, Declan drags Flame to his feet and whips him into the steel stairs, splitting his face open!
Lex Robinson: Agh! Flame crashes into the steps!
Flame bleeds like a stuck pig and begins to cry as he sits on the ground.
Lex Robinson: Declan Turner's showing no mercy tonight.
Steve Hebert: I'll give Turner the benefit of the doubt and say that I don't think he knows who that is.
As Declan tries to slide back into the ring, J2K has recovered.
Lex Robinson: In the meantime, J2K bounds of the opposite ropes and baseball slides Declan in the face! Declan spirals backwards onto the floor, obviously stunned! Furthermore, J2K bounds himself off the ropes again, this time launching himself over the ropes for a suicide tope!
However, Declan sees it from a mile away and leaps onto the ring apron as J2K flies. In record time, Declan nails J2K with a jumping-cutter to the outside of the ring! All three men are splayed out in the center of the ring.
Lex Robinson: Holy cow testicles!
Steve Hebert: J2K just splattered onto the floor!
Lex Robinson: And the countdown begins yet again!
...10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...
Lex Robinson: Just look at the carnage that Declan has created! Boy, I don't know if he has it in him to finish this up.
Steve Hebert: Nevermind that shit!
Lex Robinson: Here comes the other Janitor!
Steve Hebert: ...wait, isn't that Slash Tannon?
Lex Robinson: Nope! It's Felipe Rodriguez-Gutierrez Lopez Jackson, Sin Wrestling's head janitor, with a broom in hand!
Steve Hebert: Man, J2K is going to be pissed.
Lex Robinson: Probably not; because Declan is currently covering him, on the floor.
Steve Hebert: Does this evet count?!
Lex Robinson: I guess... sure... I mean, why not?
The referee counts, as Decla covers J2K, while the janitor rushes to the ring.
...1...2...3!
Lex Robinson: See-ya later, J2K.
Steve Hebert: Well, crap.
Standing up, Declan grabs the broom from Felipe, before he can strike, cracking him over the face with it!
Lex Robinson: I wonder if Sin's got a good dental plan, because Felipe is going to need it!
Steve Hebert: Damn, I hope he doesn't get injured too bad. I plugged the toilet in my dressing room.
Meanwhile, Flame has pulled a garbage can full of weapons from underneath the ring and dumps the contents to the floor. Declan picks up the lifeless body of the janitor and rolls him into the ring, while the countdown begins anew.
Lex Robinson: Time sure is going fast.
Steve Hebert: Hey, time flies when you're beating up useless people, I suppose. As is the case with Declan Turner, my homie.
...10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...
An array of farts and burps echo through the arena as the ghost of Booger floats out from the back in a greenish cloud of what can only be described as “wet gas.”
Lex Robinson: Is... is that Booger's ghost!? I don't believe it!
Steve Hebert: Fuck this shit, I've seen The Exorcist!
As Steve dives underneath the table, the ghost of Booger opens its huge gaping maw and charges after Declan. Diving out of the way, and into the path of Flame, Declan avoids getting swallowed whole as Flame is engulfed in the cloud! Screaming for his life, Booger floats above the ring before letting out the greasiest fart ever heard in human existence.
Lex Robinson: Nooo!
He quite literally shits an ectoplasm covered Flame into the center of the ring!
Lex Robinson: This is disgusting. Flame was bad enough; now he's gotten 10-times worse.
Steve Hebert: What happened? IS TAPS HERE?!
Declan grins as he rummages through the trash and finds a Proton Pack and a Ghost Trap! Sliding into the ring, Declan clicks on the pack and traps Booger in a stream of pulstating radioactive energy. Flame, not arguing with the absolute randomness of this situation, throws out the trap! Declan slams on the trap and Booger burp-screams as he is sucked into the trap!
Lex Robinson: This is the most amazing thing I have ever seen!
Steve Hebert: Is it GONE?! IS IT FUCKING GONE?!
Lex Robinson: Yes, Booger's ghost is gone!
Steve Hebert: Thank god. I was afraid I would be possessed and have to watch another Sebastian York promo!
Again the crowd chants along with the clock!
Lex Robinson: Here we go again!
...10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...
Lex Robinson: Johnnyboy is here! He made it!
Steve Hebert: Finally, some REAL action for a change!
"Streets of Bakersfield" by Dwight Yoakam and Buck Owens plays over the arena loudspeakers, as the crowd lets out a large cheer for the entrance for the Streets of Bakersfield 2.1, lovable misfits to the Sin Wrestling audience. A large cloud of smoke fills the top of the entranceway, as a pickup truck appears at the top of the ramp, with Buck Travis behind the wheel. He honks twice and The Day Laborer runs out from one of the wings and hops into the flatbed as Buck Travis drives himself and his "employee for a day" to ringside.
Lex Robinson: Go get 'em, partner!
Sensing the urgency of the situation, Declan aim and fires at Flame, burning him alive to the point of hilarious irony!
Steve Hebert: Flame is on fire... literally!
Lex Robinson: How ironic!
Steve Hebert: The former World Champ collapses, trying to extinguish himself.
Lex Robinson: This allows for Declan to place a foot on his chest, covering him.
The referee counts...
...1...2...3!
Lex Robinson: And Flame is gone, too!
Dropping the ghostbusting gear, Declan watches as Johnnyboy slides into the ring, and rolls him up for a small package!
Lex Robinson: Holy God! The Day Labourer rolls up Declan! This might be it!
...1...
Steve Hebert: Hell nah, Declan kicks out with ease. In fact, Declan immediately jumps up and nails "Blood Money"! And just like that, Johnnyboy collapses, allowing for Declan to cover him!
Lex Robinson: Here we go...!
The count is made...
...1...2...3!
Lex Robinson: And he's done it! Declan wins!
With smugness, Declan lifts johnnyboy up and double-underhooks his arms, lifting him up in a powerbomb position. Running forward, he throws Johnnyboy into the windshield of the pickup trucking with a Running Celtic Spike! Johnnyboy goes through the windshield and into the cab as glass splinters everwhere!
Steve Hebert: A flying burrito has just hit the second tower!
Lex Robinson: What?
Steve Hebert: Johnnyboy has been thrown through that goddamn widshield!
Lex Robinson: Buck Travis can only look on in horror, too. He's forced to climb inside and drive the truck back. Oh god, how awful. Declan has gone nuts.
Suddenly, Corey Page appears on the large screen, looking amused.
Corey Page: Not so fast, Declan. I said you had to pin them all. You didn't pin the ghost of Booger, so you didn't win! And you weren't pinned, so you didn't lose. So, uh...
Lex Robinson: What the...?
Steve Hebert: I don't even know.
Corey Page: I... uh... declare this match a “No Contest.” Now cry about it.
Off-screen, a baby cries.
Corey Page: Oh, and as for you, Declan, it's too bad. You're a meanie cockpants, anyhow.
An enraged Declan Turner exits the ring in disgust and spits at the crowd, flipping them off and cursing as he makes his way backstage.
Steve Hebert: Well, that was pointless. At least Declan is pissed, which means more destruction and barely breathing Mexicans.
Lex Robinson: I blame Booger -- god rest his soul.
Steve Hebert: He'll possess you one of these days.
Lex Robinson: According to your weight gain, he has already possessed you.
Steve Hebert: Hey, fuck you.
As Declan walks to the back, the fans taunt him and get on his case, hating his attitude. The image fades to the backstage as he disappears behind the black curtain.
Winner: No contest
Corey Ashton: Tonight is the big night, Creep! Not only do I get to bash Morgana’s face, but stealing gold from a black man is a welcomed change of pace.
Chris Carson seems disinterested in whatever nonsense Corey is on about. His attention and thoughts elsewhere, probably on the big match tonight.
Chris Carson: Yeah, kid; good luck with that. I’m sure you’ll do really well.
Ashton stops dealing with his boots for a second and becomes sour-faced.
Corey Ashton: Wait a minute, what do you mean good luck? You’re supposed to be out there with me. I thought we already went over this? I HAVE to walk away with the victories tonight, Creep.
Carson stands up from his position on the chair and faces off with Ashton in the locker room. He points an index finger right into Ashton’s mug.
Chris Carson: I have my own title match tonight, kid. You’ve got all the talent in the world; you don’t need me out there, okay?
Corey Ashton: I don’t think you understand what I’m saying. You either come out there with me to make sure I walk away a winner, or we’re going to have some serious problems.
The two share a tense moment.
Chris Carson: I have my own shit to deal with. I can’t hold your hand tonight. Ok?
Ashton doesn’t offer a response. He simply shakes his head and storms off, leaving Chris Carson back to his thoughts.
Sebastian York: Look at the fruits of a fluke win, Cas. What's the world coming to?
He nods with his best irritating grin, which only draws an icy stare from the former World Champion, Casanova. Suddenly SW's resident vampire rears back and wallops York right between the eyes with a huge punch! With his hands still wrapped in tape and covered with already bloodied glass shards, the shot gouges open Sebastian York's forehead! He drops quickly to the floor, crawling away while carefully watching Casanova to possibly block further attacks.
Casanova: What the world's coming to, Sebastian?
Crouching low, Casanova advances, backing Sebastian York against the hallway wall. York rears back, ready to smash Casanova with the World Title, but his adversary doesn't quite get that close.
Casanova: I don't know about the world, but I know a whole lot about Sin Wrestling, Sebastian. And what SW is coming to is an era where no one cares who holds that belt. Where no one cares who's had what belt for how long.
Sebastian York slowly rises as Casanova steps back, still leering at York menacingly. York wipes away the blood that is quickly pouring down his face from the deep cuts in his forehead, as the vampire carefully steps away backward.
Casanova: SW is coming to an Age of Pain...Carnage...and Blood, Sebastian. And if by my hands alone...all the better. Good luck tonight, Sebastian. Hope they can stop that bleeding before your match...
Sebastian York sneers at Casanova, who steps into another room in the hallway. York shakes off Casanova's words, before shifting his title to see his reflection. The sneer falls from his expression as the gold of his belt is quickly spattered with crimson from his wounds.
Lex Robinson: I'm getting word that cameras are set up in the parking lot, we're going to follow up on things back there for the upcoming Parking Lot Brawl between Crux and Hell's Keeper!
Steve Hebert: Whoa... my faggotry meter broke with anticipation of this five star classic in the making.
Lex Robinson: And we've got live feed on the big screen! There are our competitors!
Sure enough, on the big screen, the parking lot of the building is shown, as Crux pushes a wheelbarrow into sight containing the shattered form of Hell's Keeper.
Lex Robinson: This could get messy, Hell's Keeper's in no form to compete.
Steve Hebert: He never was! Finish him off, Crux!
Crux appears intent on doing just that, as he promptly dumps Hell's Keeper out of the wheelbarrow into a crumpled heap on the pavement. Keeper's arms and legs still appear to be broken, the only thing looking intact is the Ultraviolent Title resting across his battered body.
Lex Robinson: You know, Hell's Keeper reminds me of a lobster.
Steve Hebert: Look at that sad sack. That's our Ultraviolent Champion. That's god damn embarrassing.
Lex Robinson: Given his current condition, he may not be for long though! Crux is rooting around nearby...and he's found some light tubes! Bah gawd, King!
Steve Hebert: Who the what now?
Lex Robinson: It's just an expression. Crux is shattering them over Hell's Keeper, who should be better named Helpless Keeper!
Steve Hebert: I guess the match has officially started. And that was god-damn lame, Lex.
It's accurate, though, as Crux appears determined to make his mark on Sin Wrestling with sheer violence! One light tube after another cracks fiercely over Hell's Keeper's head, leaving him moaning, barely conscious!
Crux: Corey wanted initiative? Is this initiative enough? Is it because I can't satisfy you, Corey?! Is it because...?
Lex Robinson: Err...what?
Steve Hebert: I heard nothing. How about the shade of that car over there? Do you think it works?
Lex Robinson: Oh, it's decent, are you thinking of buying or renting?
Steve Hebert: Uhh...buying. Is he...done yet?
Lex Robinson: Yeah, we can stop covering for him.
Crux appears to have stopped ranting about his relationship with his mentor, thus the announcers go quiet. He steps back, before charging at Hell's Keeper, delivering a hard kick into his ribs!
Lex Robinson: And another! And another! Crux is determined to break every bone in Hell's Keeper's body! Someone needs to stop the carnage before we have a homicide on our hands!
Steve Hebert: For fuck's sake, Lex, this is SW. Homicide, genital mutilation, attempted murder... where and why are you trying to draw the line?
Lex Robinson: That's true. What's he doing now?
Steve Hebert: Crux climbs atop a nearby car...
Crux leaps off, flipping and crushing Hell's Keeper under his weight!
Lex Robinson: The Crux-gasm! This has to be over!
Steve Hebert: Has to be over now? Shit, it was over before this thing started. It was over a week or two ago.
Lex Robinson: Where's Crux going now?
Crux sees a car pulling out of a nearby spot, and pulls a complete GTA hijack on the driver, smashing through the driver's side window, smashing the driver's head against the wheel, before opening the door and unceremoniously dumping the driver onto the pavement!
Lex Robinson: Why would Crux be leaving? He's got this in the bag!
Steve Hebert: I don't think he's leaving, Lex...
Sure, enough, Crux swivels the car around, and quickly bears down on Hell's Keeper's helpless form!
Lex Robinson: My god! Someone call the police! Crux has just run over Hell's Keeper!
Steve Hebert: And now he backs over him again, leaving the car atop him!
Lex Robinson: His face has to be a crimson mask!
Steve Hebert: Who cares about his face? The sumbitch is dead!
Lex Robinson: How can you be so happy? No fed likes losing jobb-- ...errrr, enhancement talent.
Steve Hebert: Hell's Keeper wasn't enhancing shit, Lex.
Crux finally pulls the car forward off of Hell's Keeper, and gets out, covering his unmoving opponent. A referee appears from nowhere and starts the count!
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: Will Hell's Keeper kick out?!
Steve Hebert: No.
...3!
Steve Hebert: Crux, my hero, our new Ultraviolence Champion!
Lex Robinson: Your hero just killed a man!
Steve Hebert: Hey, his gender is something we'll only figure out for sure through autopsy.
Lex Robinson: You're pathetic, Steve.
Crux grabs the Ultraviolence Title from atop Hell's Keeper's body, and skips away merrily with the belt and a light tube. Hell's Keeper, on the other hand, doesn't.
Winner: Crux
Voice: You worthless motherfucker.
As the ground rips apart, steps rise from the ground, and the gigantic form of Hell's Keeper, Sr. stomps upwards from hell.
Hell's Keeper, Sr: My son... my useless motherfucking son...
He grabs his son, lifting him up with one hand, despite his crippled form.
Hell's Keeper, Sr: Go to your room, you useless bastard. I'm sending you off to live with your whore of a mother.
Hell's Keeper, Jr.'s limp body is carried to hell by his father, who stomps back to the netherworld, in an angered huff.
Hell's Keeper, Sr: You couldn't even beat a faggot with a mask. Jesus Christ... yes... I should send you to live with Jesus Christ.
They disappear within the confines of hell; and the ground crunches together, the flames being doused.
Crux: I did it! I did it! I showed initiative! Give me a kiss!
Corey Page: What the fuck?
Crux: Uh...
Obviously blushing beneath his mask, Crux takes a step back.
Crux: What I meant to say was... uh... is this enough initative?!
Flexing, Crux holds his Ultraviolence Title in Corey Page's face, hoping for words of encouragment.
Corey Page: Hmmm... well...
Corey doesn't seem too satisfied. This prompts a confused Crux to then pickup a nearby lighttube and smash it into pieces across a random backstage patron's back.
Crux: How about now?! Is that initiative?!
Corey Page: Yes! Yes it was! Wow!
...However, the recipient of the tube shot doesn't fall. Simply brushing the glass shards off, he twirls around, confused.
Corey Page: I can't believe you hit former Mixed Martial Arts expert Jacob "The Pitbull" Torruro, who is here as a special guest for tonight! This is the same man that was kicked out of MMA for using barbed-wire in one of his matches! A guy who was banned for life from so many octagon fighting! Wow! That was initiative!
Jacob Turroro: Who hit me?!
Sweeping some glass off his shoulder, "The Pitbull" glares angrily around, seeing only Corey Page, who is awestruck at Crux's iniative. Unfortunately for Corey, Crux has since disappeared, learning of his awful mistake, possibly hiding, terrified at what he has just done.
Corey Page: ...Wow...!
And yet, all that Corey Page can do or say is "Wow", continuing to be amazed at his protege's brazen attack... even if it was by mistake.
Corey Ashton finally steps out into view. Another chorus of boos come raining down on the "Sultan of Swing". Ashton no-sells the fan’s reaction with a smug grin and makes his way towards the ringside area, with an incredibly sparkling ring robe adorning his body. Ashton walks up the steel steps and steps into the ring quickly, where he slowly takes his robe off, folds it neatly and hands it off to a ring crew official. Ashton’s focus then returns to the task at hand and waits patiently for the match to commence.
Steve Hebert: Here he is... the man that will kill Morgana... the man that will show his endurance... the man that will walk out as the new Television Champion -- I guarantee it... here is... Corey Ashton!
Lex Robinson: You seem pretty high on him.
Steve Hebert: Oh, boy, am I ever.
Lex Robinson: The fans, on the other hand, hate his guts.
Steve Hebert: That's because they're all Morgana apologists. Who does she think she is with her "one match per month" clause? Huh? You tell me! You see, Corey Ashton is a wrestler and not some on-again/off-again little WHORE.
Lex Robinson: Jesus, you have some angst.
Steve Hebert: I have mother issues, thank you very much.
Lex Robinson: Surprise, surprise.
The venue suddenly descends into total darkness, sparking the crowd into an expectant frenzy. For a long moment, the sound system is completely silent and the screen above the entrance is blank. However, above the din of the crowd, sinister circus music begins to play, crackling loudly through the speakers. The screen suddenly comes to life, an image of Morgana fading in slowly.
On either side of the entrance two pyros explode, sending columns of fire blazing toward the ceiling. The image fades out of existence and the circus music dies abruptly. The arena is thrown into silence again, save for the anticipatory rumblings of the crowd, before "Circus" by Britney Spears bursts from the sound system.
there's only two types of people in the world
the ones that entertain, and the ones that observe
well baby i'm a put-on-a-show kinda girl
don't like the back seat, gotta be first
all eyes on me in the centre of the ring
just like a circus
when i crack that whip everybody gon' trip
just like a circus
Lex Robinson: Morgy! Yay!
Steve Hebert: Oh, shut up. She's so awful. Awful and hot. God, I wanna oil up her butt.
Lex Robinson: You're one confusing man.
Steve Hebert: Like I said... mother issues, man.
Lex Robinson: Gotcha. Morgy and Corey Ashton stand across from each other, staring each other down, having quite the history together. As the seconds tick down, they wait for the bell to ring.
Steve Hebert: Man, Corey is going to rip this pink-haired bitch from limb-to-limb. I just hope he leaves me with her crotch.
The bell rings and Corey cautiously steps out of his corner, well aware of her high-flying and acrobatic mannerisms. Keeping a keen eye on her, he watches as she steps forward, requesting a collar-elbow tie-up with her.
Steve Hebert: Do it, Morgy. Do it.
Lex Robinson: She doesn't want his slimy hands on her, trust me.
Steve Hebert: Takes one to know one.
Lex Robinson: Huh?
Using the fans to gauge her response, she listens as they firmly boo at Corey's requests of a lock-up. Listening in, she agrees with their sentiments, which seems to annoy Corey Ashton.
Lex Robinson: So much for that.
Steve Hebert: It's not like these moron fans are in this match. They shouldn't be dictating things.
Lex Robinson: I think Corey is going to take things into his own hands, anyhow...
Hoping to catch Morgana off-guard, Corey charges at her, hoping to hammer her with some fists. Unfortunately for him, Morgana is able to see this attack coming from miles away.
Steve Hebert: Ack! No!
Lex Robinson: Morgana ducks out of the way, sending Corey into the corner. Rightfully so; with that surprise attack. What a sorry attempt of a Pearl Harbouring attempt.
Steve Hebert: But Corey turns back around and goes right back at her...
Lex Robinson: She ducks again, though! As a matter of fact, she rolls underneath a clothesline attempt, and jumps onto the middle rope. Springing back, she circles around and latches onto Corey, looking for a back-springboard Tornado DDT...
Steve Hebert: He maintains his position, though! There won't be any flippy shit for Morgana, as long as he's around.
Using his strength, he goes to sling her overhead, putting a complete halt to her DDT attempt. However, Morgy is able to completely flip around and land safely on her feet, behind Corey. Thinking fast, she jumps onto his shoulders, trying to bring him down with a victory roll.
Lex Robinson: Wait... out of nowhere, Morgy jumps onto Corey Ashton's shoulders! She tries to roll forward... wait... Corey pushes her off. She's in front of him, now.
Steve Hebert: He full nelsons her... and release full-nelson suplexes her! You're right, Lex! Morgana really can fly! She just flew through the air right there. Unfortunately, she hit the ground harder than the plane that landed in Buf--
Lex Robinson: Oh my God, no. I'm stopping you before you can even say anything.
Steve Hebert: Fascism at its finest.
Lex Robinson: You're sick. You're disgusting.
Steve Hebert: You just don't understand me. Just like how you can't understand my love of watching Corey Ashton kick and stomp Morgana's pretty little pink skull... which is exactly what he's doing right now. Boom! Yeah! Kick her cranium in. Kick her unconscious.
Like a rabid animal, Corey Ashton salivates as he gleefully kicks at Morgana, hoping to keep her down for good. Despite this, Morgana fights back, trying to rise to a standing base, with Corey still hammering away on her.
Lex Robinson: To know surprise, Morgana fights back, doing what she does best.
Steve Hebert: Don't be silly. The only thing she does best is lay on her back. And I don't mean for pinfalls, either.
Lex Robinson: Uhm... no. Either way, Corey continues to stiff her and fist her--...
Steve Hebert: See what I mean?! Now she's getting fisted!
Lex Robinson: Uh, what? No... no! She's being beaten down by Corey Ashton.
Steve Hebert: Of course. It's because she's a weak, puny little whorebag. Hence, she's also being fisted.
Lex Robinson: But--...
Steve Hebert: I know what I'm talking about, Lex.
Keeping pressure on Morgana, Corey throws her into the corner, nailing her with some more punches, using his brawling techniques to keep her out of the air. Seconds later, he whips her across the ring, sending her rushing into the opposite corner, where she blasts across the turnbuckles, the force sending her buckling to her knees!
Steve Hebert: Bam! Yes! Kill her!
Lex Robinson: Corey picks her back up again, too. He whips her into the original set of turnbuckle pads!
Steve Hebert: Down she goes again! He's working on her back, which is a good idea, considering the damage that has been done to it over the years. Break her goddamn spine. Without a spine, she can't stand. If she can't stand, she can't fly. It's as simple as that.
Lex Robinson: You may be onto something, as Corey hoists her up again... and forcefully whips her into the second corner! Hoping to capitalize on this, he charges in, hoping to nail a charging shoulderblock... but she propels herself into the air...!
Despite the sharp pains in her spine, from being blasted from turnbuckle-to-turnbuckle, Morgana is able to use her hands to push herself into the air and sunset-flip over a charging Corey Ashton!
Lex Robinson: She rolls him up...! The referee counts! So much for his endurance...!
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: Only a two! He uses his feet to scissors his ankles into Morgy's temples, thus breaking the count! A genius move, if I say so!
Jumping back up, a shocked Corey Ashton is quick to knee Morgy in the back and toss her back in the corner. In here, he continues to pounce on her, driving her down with some kicks, stomps and knees.
Steve Hebert: Stay on her, Corey. Keep that bitch down!
Lex Robinson: He grabs her by her pink hair, lifts her up and brutally chops her across the chest.
Steve Hebert: Her tits just landed in the fourth row!
Lex Robinson: Not quite. Corey whips Morgana across the ring, for the second time in a row, and follows in...
Using her hands to push herself into the air, Morgy goes up-and-over Corey, twisting her body around and lands on her feet. For good measure, she rolls forward and jumps up, turns around and views an annoyed Corey Ashton charge at her, like an angry rhino.
Lex Robinson: Morgy leaps out of the way; but now Corey is storming towards her... but she slides between his legs!
Steve Hebert: Oh goddamnit.
Lex Robinson: Jumping onto her feet, she watches as he turns around and goes for a clothesline...
Steve Hebert: That bitch ducked again!
Lex Robinson: She ducks, turns around and leaps onto Corey Ashton's shoulders, even! Swinging her body around, she brings him down with a hurricanrana!
Steve Hebert: Get up, Corey! Get up and break her back.
Lex Robinson: Oh, he's up... but Morgy runs at him...
Jumping at Corey, latching her legs around his waist with a reverse-body scissors, Morgana pushes herself off the apron, propelling herself into the air. On her way down, she goes to bulldog Corey, but he pushes her forward, resulting in her landing on her feet.
Steve Hebert: He blocked that... whatever that was. Pushing her forward, he runs at her with a clubbing forearm shot... and goddamnit, she ducks that, as well.
Lex Robinson: Turning around, she connects with a sit-out dropkick to the back of Corey's head, sending him reeling towards the ropes! Spilling to the outside, he can only slap his hands off the mat, angry at the fact he's unable to control her. He should have seen this coming. Morgana said he didn't have the endurance to beat her; let alone with the TV Title.
Steve Hebert: Oh God, don't remind me of that.
As Corey walks around on the floor, Morgana readies herself in the ring, keeping an eye on her longtime nemesis. Bouncing off the furthest set of ropes, she springs back, doing a series of cartwheels and handsprings...
Steve Hebert: What the...?
Lex Robinson: Whoa... whoa... whoa... whoa!
On her last handspring, she jumps over the top rope, spinning her body around, rocketing out onto the floor, onto Corey Ashton, who is unable to protect himself from the dive!
Lex Robinson: Morgana tumbles across the ring, landing harshly on Corey Ashton! Holy crap!
Steve Hebert: I think I just got vertigo from watching her.
Lex Robinson: If you're like that, just think how Corey Ashton is. He just had her plummet onto him.
Steve Hebert: Yeah, all 20 pounds of her.
Standing up, Morgy stomps on Corey's head, making sure to keep him down. Taking a few steps back, she measures Corey up and runs forward.
Lex Robinson: Morgy charges... she does a cartwheel... oh my...!
After the cartwheel, she does a couple of back-handsprings, aiming straight for Corey Ashton.
Lex Robinson: She keeps going for a tumbling moonsault onto Corey; but he keeps rolling!
Steve Hebert: Unfortunately, she keeps flicking back! I only wish she'd land on her skull, breaking her neck.
Lex Robinson: Rolling... rolling... rolling... Corey Ashton keeps rolling; while Morgy keeps flipping!
Eventually, Morgana catches up with Corey, who is unable to roll any further, due to the lack of space. With one last flip, Morgana jumps into the air, hitting a back-handspring into a standing 450 degree corkscrew moonsault!
Lex Robinson: Holy...
Steve Hebert: Goddamnit, she catches up with him!
Lex Robinson: With a huge twisting, flipping, jumping, leaping, twirling... thing!
Steve Hebert: You took the words right out of my mouth.
Lex Robinson: Not showing a sign of dizziness, she's back up and is lifting him up, too. Using all of her effort, she goes to whip him into the ring steps...
Steve Hebert: Wait, wait... he reverses it!
Reversing the whip from Morgana, Corey goes to throw her into the steps. With full speed, she bursts into the corner, but is able to climb the steps. grab onto the ring post and Dragon Kick her way around the post, and over the bottom rope!
Lex Robinson: Morgana swings around the pole, landing safely on her feet!
Steve Hebert: How?! Why?! Goddamnit, Corey, get her!
Lex Robinson: He's as amazed as us. Charging in, he goes to grab onto her, but she steps aside... and drop-toe-holds him, landing facefirst onto the ring steps!
Steve Hebert: Oh Jesus.
Lex Robinson: With the fans cheering her on, she pulls him back to his feet and forces Corey back into the ring.
Steve Hebert: I hope she trips on the bottom rope and breaks her neck as she gets back inside.
Lex Robinson: You would. Unfortunately for you, she's climbing onto the ring apron and is opting to climb to the top turnbuckle. In the meantime, Corey Ashton, who has a slight cut on his forehead, thanks to going headlong into those steps, is on his feet, stumbling around. Waiting for him to face her, Morgy prepares herself...
When the time's right, Morgana somersaults off the top rope, going for a Dragonrana.
Lex Robinson: Morgana flips through the air and hurricanranas Corey, going straight into a rollup! She's holding him down!
The referee drops down, going for the count...
...1...
Steve Hebert: Hell no! Corey rolls through the rollup! In fact, he's up to his feet... and he hoists that dumb, pink broad up into a powerbomb position! Twisting around, he drives her down into the canvas with a massive, amazing, disastrous, murderfying powerbomb!
Lex Robinson: Calm down, Steve. Good lord.
Steve Hebert: Hell nah. Morgy says he doesn't have the endurance, huh? Well, look who's on their back right now -- Morgana. A place where she used to be.
Lex Robinson: She isn't on her back for long, though; as Corey grabs both of her legs and is rolling her into a Boston Crab...
Steve Hebert: Yes! Break her in half!
The fans cheer Morgana on, wanting her to escape Corey's hold.
Lex Robinson: These fans cheer Morgy on, as she reaches out, looking to cling onto the bottom rope. However, Corey's making this awfully hard.
Steve Hebert: The only person here that's hard is Corey Ashton. Trust me. After snapping Morgana in two; he'll move on to Morgy's pal, Adora, and break her in two, as well. Fortunately, he'll fuck both ends of her.
Lex Robinson: I'm sure.
Shouts of agony are heard from Morgana, as she inches towards the bottom rope.
Lex Robinson: She's almost there... just a little more...
Steve Hebert: Ugh... someone move those ropes away.
Lex Robinson: Just a little more... come on...
Steve Hebert: Ashton has her bent back, almost snapping her in half! Don't let this go!
Lex Robinson: Just a little more...
Finally, Morgana reaches out and grabs onto the bottom rope, illiciting a huge cheer from the fans!
Lex Robinson: Yes! She got it!
However, before the referee can tell Corey to release the hold, he gives a massive yank on Morgy, dragging her away from the ropes!
Lex Robinson: Oh no!
Steve Hebert: He locks in that Boston Crab, again!
Again, the fans rally around Morgana, who is in a rack of pain, as Corey bends her in half, her feet smacking off the back of her head!
Lex Robinson: Goddamn! She's bent in half! My god!
Steve Hebert: Corey Ashton is going to break her into two pieces! I know it! No one's spine can last this long!
Jabbing his knee into Morgy's back, using it as a wedge, Corey continues to bend her in half, looking to complete tear her apart. Despite the searing pain, Morgana uses the chants from the crowd to gain strength and support, allowing her to partially push herself off the canvas.
Lex Robinson: Morgy's struggling... she's fighting back.
Steve Hebert: Just tap, you godforsaken bitch.
Lex Robinson: No! The fans are firmly behind her! Slowly, but surely, she's fighting back!
Using the fans to fight her way back, she pushes her body off the mat, enabling her to roll through Corey's legs, sending him off-balance!
Steve Hebert: Damnit!
Lex Robinson: Morgana rolls through Corey's legs, escaping the hold! Thanks to this, she catches him off-guard, allowing her to inside-cradle him!
The referee makes the count...
...1...
Steve Hebert: Oh no!
...2...
Lex Robinson: There's two... and...
...
Steve Hebert: Corey kicks out! Thank God!
Lex Robinson: So close! She almost caught him by surprise there!
Steve Hebert: No worries, Corey is back up and he hammers Morgana in the back with a vicious stomp! That'll keep her down.
Lex Robinson: Damn, he's pissed!
Steve Hebert: I would be, too. What terrible cheating from Morgana.
Lex Robinson: Are you kidding me? What was she supposed to do? Let him break her in half?!
Steve Hebert: Preferably, yes.
With some more kicks to the spine, Corey keeps Morgana down. To further the damage, he places his right foot across her back, reaches down, grabs onto her pink hair and begins pulling upward!
Lex Robinson: Oh my... look at this!
Steve Hebert: See! Breaking her in half is what he should have done! Now he's remedying that.
Lex Robinson: Lacking any signs of remorse, Corey pulls up, using his foot to jab into Morgy's spine, while yanking carelessly on her hair! Luckily for her, the referee will have none of that.
As the referee moves in, removing Corey from Morgana, this allows Morgy, the former World Champ, to woefully crawl towards the ropes, in a lot of pain.
Lex Robinson: Man, Morgana is not in good shape.
Steve Hebert: You can thank Corey Ashton for that. She hasn't been in this bad of shape since high school, when she'd fuck every guy in the boy's bathroom.
Lex Robinson: You're ludicrous.
Steve Hebert: Hey, I've heard it from good sources -- Corey Page was the exchange student in her classroom. Trust me. I wouldn't lie.
Lex Robinson: Yeah, right.
After arguing with the referee for a few seconds, angered at his intent of removing him from Morgana, Corey moves back in, going for the kill.
Steve Hebert: Here we go. Break her, Corey! Break her!
Looking over her right shoulder, Morgana notices Corey stepping towards her, like some sort of predator. Thinking quickly, she grabs onto the top rope, using it to push herself into the air. Acting quick, she wraps both legs around Corey's head and heaves herself over the top rope!
Lex Robinson: Both Morgana and Corey go spilling over the top rope! Morgy lands on the apron and Corey falls all the way to the floor!
Steve Hebert: Ugh! Don't let this happen!
Lex Robinson: Too late. It's happening. On the apron, Morgy slowly rises, while Corey stands to his feet, on the floor. Seeing Morgana, he makes a swipe at her, but she cartwheels to safety, while on the ring apron! Landing on her feet, she strides forward, leaps off the canvas and jumps onto Corey Ashton's shoulders, looking for a hurricanrana!
Steve Hebert: She's about to bring him down; but he retains a standing base! Thank God! Hoisting her back up, lifting her onto his shoulders, he turns around and powerbombs her onto the edge of the ring railing! Yes! My God yes! Her back may be broken!
Lex Robinson: Ow! That's not good!
Steve Hebert: Not good for Morgana, that is! That's f'n great for Corey Ashton!
Lex Robinson: Seriously. Oh man...
Steve Hebert: Pulling her off the railing, he grabs her and backs her harshly into the ring apron! Back first, of course. By the time she leaves her, she's going to be crippled. You can forget her claims of Corey Ashton not having the endurance; she's done for good.
With a wicked, devilish smile on his face, Corey places a howling Morgana on the ring apron and climbs up with her. Pushing her against the turnbuckles/ring post, he sits her on the top rope, a place that may not work in his favour.
Lex Robinson: Looking to do more damage to Morgy, Corey sits her on the top turnbuckle, which may or may not be such a good idea. We all know how lethal Morgana is when she's on the top rope.
Steve Hebert: No worries. Corey has this in hand.
Re-entering the ring, Corey Ashton, with a big smile plastered across his face, moves into the corner, looking to climb up alongside Morgana, who has signs of major strain on her face. However, before he can do anything, Morgana swats at him, striking him across the face with a vicious slap!
Lex Robinson: She fights back! Good!
Steve Hebert: Corey Ashton isn't going to take that! He turns around and nails her with a stiff-forearm, which is must different than hammering her with a stiff cock!
Lex Robinson: That forearm dazes her enough, allowing for Corey to climb alongside her. Up here, after striking her with some punches and forearms, he positions her in a fireman's carry position, looking for a top rope Death Valley Driver.
Steve Hebert: If he hits this, this match will surely be over. We may as well bring Tj Jones out here now, so that Corey can easily claim his Television Title. Get Declan Turner out here, too, to count the victory for Corey.
Lex Robinson: It's not over yet...
Jumping off the top rope, Corey Ashton goes for his super Death Valley Driver. However, a versatile Morgana is able to slide her body into prime positioning, allowing her to swiftly change the maneuver into a hurricanrana!
Lex Robinson: No! Morgana has other plans! She hurricanranas him into a rollup!
Steve Hebert: What...? No!
The referee sees the attempted pinfall and starts the count...
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: Corey rolls Morgana off him, using his feet!
Lex Robinson: But she pops right back up, nailing him with a sit-down dropkick! The fans are in a frenzy! With some quick thinking, she wraps Corey up with a majistral cradle!
Again, the referee counts...
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: No! Corey Ashton kicks out again! You're not going to beat him like that!
Lex Robinson: As Morgana pops back up, she is immediately taken off her feet with a double-leg takedown from Corey Ashton!
Steve Hebert: See?! What did I tell you?!
Lex Robinson: He's going for another Boston Crab attempt!
Steve Hebert: Good! He's really going to break her spine!
As he grabs both of Morgy's legs, he is quickly taken aback as she twists her body around, sending him sailing into the corner.
Lex Robinson: No! She escapes from his clutches.
Steve Hebert: You whore!
Lex Robinson: Appearing annoyed, Corey charges out, looking for a clothesline, but she ducks it! Instead, Corey swings around her, applies a waistlock and goes for a German suplex...!
In mid-air, injured back and all, Morgana is able to completely backflip and land safely on her feet!
Lex Robinson: But she lands on her feet! Surprised, Corey Ashton goes to stand, but Morgana runs at him and hits him with The John Woo Kick! Holy crap!
Steve Hebert: The force of that kick sends Corey stumbling back into the corner, too! Goddamnit!
Lex Robinson: Jetting to her feet, holding her back, Morgana charges forward, does a cartwheel or two...
Steve Hebert: ...but gets punched in the face! Ahahaha!
Lex Robinson: I guess that's how you counter that.
Steve Hebert: As Morgana is halfway across the ring, doing her little retard flips and contortions, Corey jumps out, nailing her with a picture-perfect right cross. Chris Brown would be proud.
Laughing at Morgana's misfortune, with a tiny, dried-up speckle of blood above his right brow, Corey turns into the corner, hearing the fans jeer him. None of these jeers faze him, though; as he steps towards the corner and begins climbing the turnbuckle pads.
Lex Robinson: Like a smiling madman, Corey Ashton elevates himself to the top rope, having Morgana laid out in front of him.
Steve Hebert: This is it. This is going to be it. I'm foretelling it.
Lex Robinson: We'll see.
Placing both feet on the top ropes, Corey Ashton leaps off, looking for a frog splash.
Lex Robinson: He flies through the air...
Steve Hebert: No!
Lex Robinson: Morgana rolls to safety, much to the joy of the fans!
Steve Hebert: No! No! Goddamnit! No!
Lex Robinson: Like Corey Ashton before her, Morgana rolls into the corner, looking over her shoulder. She springs to the top rope, her back facing away from Corey, probably looking to hit The Morgasm. Corey, on the other hand, is rolling around the ring, holding his ribs.
Steve Hebert: Ugh... get up, Corey.
Lex Robinson: He'll have to. If Morgana hits this, it could be over!
Before Morgana can leap off, Corey gets to a kneeling position, grabs onto the referee and pushes him against the ropes. As a result, Morgana is crotched on the top rope!
Steve Hebert: Yes!
Lex Robinson: Hey! He can't do that!
Steve Hebert: Hell no, he tripped. Corey tripped. It was an accident!
Lex Robinson: No way. He pushed that referee, sending him into the ropes, thus tripping Morgana!
Steve Hebert: Nuh uh. That's not how I seen it!
Lex Robinson: [sarcasm] Of course.
Getting fully to his feet, Corey races into the corner and quickly stampedes up the turnbuckle pads. Waistlocking Morgy, he goes for a German superplex...
Steve Hebert: Corey's going to send Morgana flying...
Lex Robinson: No! Morgy hangs on!
Steve Hebert: Ugh!
Lex Robinson: Using two hands, she keeps herself placated on the top rope! Despite Corey contiuously trying to pluck her off, she reams him with two straight elbows to the skull, dizzying him! In fact, she batters him some more with some more elbows; these shots striking so well, that they knock Corey backward!
Steve Hebert: Oh no...!
Lex Robinson: Corey Ashton is locked up to the turnbuckles! Having fallen back, his legs have gotten tangled in the top rope, leaving him in a Tree of Woe!
Steve Hebert: This is not good! Someone un-tie him.
Lex Robinson: The referee that he pushed isn't going to help him; nor is Morgana. Actually, Morgana remains on the top rope and backflips off the top rope, landing with a moonsault-double stomp onto Corey Ashton, who hangs upside-down, in the corner!
Steve Hebert: No! Oh God!
Lex Robinson: Even better, he's left hanging there.
Steve Hebert: Goddamnit! Get him down!
Lex Robinson: Damaged, but not broken, Morgana stands to her feet and stumbles into the corner, still holding her back. Focusing on the match, and not on the pain, she climbs to the outer portion of the apron and springboards off the top rope...!
Soaring through the air, she completes a perfect somersault, allowing her to land with an end-to-end somersault dropkick from one side of the ring to the other, almost floating through the air!
Lex Robinson: What a dropkick! Morgana sandwiches Corey Ashton against the turnbuckles!
Steve Hebert: No!
Lex Robinson: At least he falls off the turnbuckles, hey, Steve?
Steve Hebert: Yeah, but she's covering him!
As usual, the referee starts the count...
...1...
Lex Robinson: This is going to be it!
...2...
Lex Robinson: There's two...
...
Just as the referee is about to slap his hand off the canvas, Corey Ashton places his left foot across the bottom rope!
Steve Hebert: Yes!
Lex Robinson: No!
The fans, thinking Morgana had the match won, let out a sigh, angry at Corey's continuation of the match. Even Morgana is bewildered, surprised that Corey Ashton has kicked out.
Lex Robinson: I can't believe it. I thought for sure that she had the match won.
Steve Hebert: Hell no. Corey's going to beat Morgana; and will then move on and defeat that turtle-looking weirdo, Tj Jones.
Holding her back, Morgana stands, using the ropes to help her rise. Watching as Corey gets to a kneeling position, she moves in, giving him a kick to the ribs. Backing him against the corner, she nails him with some rapid-fire kicks, following up with a vicious knife-edge chop to his chest.
Lex Robinson: Morgana's unleashing an assortment of punishment onto Corey. Backing him into the ropes, she Irish-whips him out...
Steve Hebert: No! He reverses the whip.
Lex Robinson: Chugging out, bouncing off the ropes, she returns like a bat out of hell, only to roll up-and-over Corey Ashton, attempting to sunset-flip him! However, as she lands beneath him, Corey grabs both of her legs and kneels down, looking for the cover!
Steve Hebert: Yes!
The referee counts...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: Morgana slides out of the pinfall!
Steve Hebert: Booo! No!
Lex Robinson: Squirming to her feet, Morgana notices Corey Ashton on one knee. Dashing forward, she uses his knee as a springboard and lands on the nearest top rope! She moonsaults back--...!
Steve Hebert: But Corey Ashton catches her in mid-air! He nails a Death Valley Driver! He covers her, hooking both of her legs!
...1...
Lex Robinson: One...!
...2...
Lex Robinson: Two...
Steve Hebert: Yes... yes...!
...
Lex Robinson: Morgana kicks out!
Steve Hebert: No!
Lex Robinson: She kicks out! That was so close!
Steve Hebert: Not close enough! Count faster, you retarded referee!
At approximately the same time, Morgana and Corey rise, with Ashton catching her by surprise with a forearm to the back. Dropping Morgy to her knees, he places his knee in her back, while grabbing onto both of her arms, pulling backwards.
Steve Hebert: If he can't pin her, then he'll make her tap!
However, Morgana fights off the pain and slips beneath Corey's clutches, despite him holding onto her wrists. Using her legs, she raps her ankles around his neck, which forces Corey to release his hold on her, trying to rip her feet away from him.
Lex Robinson: She escapes his clutches. Instead, she headscissors him and uses her hands to spin him around! This helicopter-like spinning-headscissors is so quick that it forces Corey Ashton to flip over, looking absolutely dazed! In a reminiscient scene, she gets up and charges at him, looking for another John Woo kick!
Steve Hebert: He steps aside, though!
Luckily for Morgana, her motion sends her between the ropes, allowing her to safely land on the outer portion of the apron. After some quick thinking, she springs onto the top rope, hoping to soar through the air...
Steve Hebert: Wait, no--...!
Lex Robinson: Corey Ashton charges at her, climbs the ropes and grabs onto her! Moonsault uranage off the top rope! He wastes no time in quickly transistioning that into a cross-armbar, putting all of his might into it, hoping to make Morgana submit!
Steve Hebert: He should have went to her back! That's what he's been working on!
Lex Robinson: You're probably right, Steve; as Morgy is able to roll to the side, pinning Corey down...
The referee notices this, thus starts his count...
...1...2...
Steve Hebert: Corey has no other choice but to break the hold!
Lex Robinson: Which enables him to kick out of the pinfall, too.
Both Morgana and Corey jump to their feet, charge together, looking to get the upper-hand on the other.
Lex Robinson: Corey Ashton goes for a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker... no! Morgana continues to rotate once... twice... three times! I've never seen that before! Morgana is going for the fourth rotation!
Steve Hebert: That's going to dizzy and confused Corey! He better have his Dramamine!
Hoping to put an end to this rotating, Corey Ashton is taken aback when Morgana brings him down, applying the Happiness in Slavery!
Lex Robinson: Crossface by Morgana!
Steve Hebert: Oh no!
Lex Robinson: Maybe it'll be Morgana that makes Corey Ashton tap! How ironic would that be?!
Steve Hebert: You shut up. You shut up right now!
Lex Robinson: She's pulling back, having everything in perfect position! Corey holds his right arm up, looking as if he's about to tap...
Instead of submitting, Corey immediately turns the side, placing Morgana into a pinfall-position, kind of like what she did to him.
Steve Hebert: Yes! He reverses it!
Lex Robinson: Uh oh...
Steve Hebert: The referee is counting!
...1...
Steve Hebert: There's one...
...2...
Steve Hebert: ...two... and...
Before the referee slaps his hand down again, Morgana, who still has the "Happiness in Slavery" applied, reverses the rollup, having it so that she's covering Corey!
Lex Robinson: The pinfall is reversed!
Steve Hebert: ...What...?!
Lex Robinson: She still has the hold applied, too!
The referee counts in favour of Morgana, now...
...1...
Lex Robinson: Corey Ashton is struggling to free himself!
...2...
Steve Hebert: He's all tangled up! He can't get out!
...3...!
Lex Robinson: She does it! Morgana wins! Corey Ashton's escape works against hm!
As the referee's hand slaps the mat for the third consecutive time, the fans stand to their feet, cheering their heart out. In full support of Morgana, they cheer as she has her hand lifted by the referee, showing signs of damage to her back.
Steve Hebert: I want to be shot.
Lex Robinson: Morgana has defeated Corey Ashton! She did what she set out to do!
Steve Hebert: Just wait until he wins the Television Title, though.
Lex Robinson: After this match, I don't see how he'll be able to do it... especially after this loss.
Steve Hebert: Shut your hole. He has the endurance to beat any and every monkey, like Tj Jones. Let's just hope he doesn't go all Chimpanzee, like the one that ripped that lady's face off, though. God, that'd be disgusting.
Lex Robinson: What the hell are you talking about?
Steve Hebert: That monkey, you know... Tj Jones. Something about Tj Jones eating Corey Ashton's face. But don't worry; after this loss, Corey will be even more incested to win.
Lex Robinson: Uh... you mean "incensed".
Steve Hebert: Yes, exactly. Incest.
Lex Robinson: Uh... okay.
As Morgana celebrates in the ring, much to the fanfare of her adoring audience, Corey Ashton slides to the floor, grabbing a chair from someone at ringside. Pushing the fan aside, he grabs their cheer and slides into the ring with it.
Lex Robinson: Hey, wait... Corey Ashton...
WHAM!
Lex Robinson: Corey Ashton strikes Morgana with that steel chair! My God!
Steve Hebert: Yes! Kill her!
Dropping to the canvas, shrieking out in pain and holding her back, Morgana can only lay immobile, as Corey nails her for the second time in a row!
Steve Hebert: Another shot!
Lex Robinson: No!
Steve Hebert: Yes! Smash her!
Outside the ring, the bell is rung, signalling the end of the match; and that Corey Ashton should retreat to the back. However, he pays no attention to it.
Lex Robinson: Make it stop! Someone... anyone!
Steve Hebert: Now you're sounding like me.
The ring attendant continues to ring the bell feverishly, with Corey Ashton paying no attention to it. As he holds the chair in his hand, he rises it above his head, about to crack it across Morgana's back, yet again.
Lex Robinson: This is awful! Stop this! Someone!
Steve Hebert: Morgana gets just what she deserves, that rotten bitch!
Lex Robinson: Blam! He strikes her with the chair, again! How does Morgana deserve this, Steve?! After this great match -- between these two, who have known each other for so long, how could anyone deserve this?!
Steve Hebert: Uh, she's an old bag, that's why.
Lex Robinson: Ridiculous. He's going for another chairshot!
True to Lex's words, Corey Ashton holds the steel chair high above his head. Within seconds, he smashes it down across Morgana's back, making her cry out in pain and agony, almost enjoying her cries of discontent!
Lex Robinson: No! This is not good, whatsoever! Someone stop this!
A bevy of Sin Wrestling officials spill into the ring, trying to stop Corey, but he responds by punching several of them out -- even heaving a few over the top rope, to the outside.
Steve Hebert: Yes! Get rid of those no-good, asshole referees! Punch them right in the face! Do it for me!
Lex Robinson: At least they've allowed Morgana some time to recover... I guess...
Steve Hebert: Don't speak so soon. Corey Ashton is turning back to her... hopefully to beat the life out of her, some more.
Lex Robinson: Ugh... yikes...
A groggy, barely conscious Morgana begins rolling around, trying to get to her feet; but Corey, having eliminated the officials, walks over to her and stomps on her pink head.
Lex Robinson: Get away from her, damnit!
Once more, he rises the chair into the air, with a smile on his face.
Steve Hebert: See, this is proving to Morgana that not only does he have the endurance -- but he is better, stronger and smarter than her!
Seconds away from blasting her with another devastating chairshot, Corey Ashton is taken aback by the sounds of Declan Turner's theme music.
Lex Robinson: Finally! Some real backup!
Steve Hebert: What is he doing?! He shouldn't be out here yet!
Lex Robinson: He's only the referee for the upcoming match, Steve. The match that Corey Ashton should be having now -- and not this debacle.
Steve Hebert: Why so serious, Lex?! Corey Ashton is busy beating the pink dye out of Morgana. He's got other matters at hand.
Lex Robinson: Other matters, which seem to be more important than that Television Title, I guess.
Steve Hebert: Hey, it's not everyday you get the chance to beat down some pink-haired bimbo.
Thunder echoes throughout the arena as the beat to "Like Yeah (DT Remix)" by Tech N9ne starts up over the arena. As the bass builds up, Declan's voice breaks through the cheers, boos, and drums:
"I can go out there tonight-- the materials you got-- make myself $15,000. Tonight! In two hours! Can you?"
"You hear me you fuckin' faggots?!"
it's the gorilla
and if they feel ya, they screamin' like
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Like Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
mistah, mistah
quick to get wit'cha
chick, if she get the whip for this
she be like
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Like Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Lex Robinson: This is the first time that Corey Ashton and Declan Turner go face-to-face, ever since Ashton was literally set ablaze by Declan. You just know that this is going to be tense.
Steve Hebert: I just want them to beat the life out of Morgana. Is that too much to ask for?
Lex Robinson: Declan seems to be more interested in other business, though...
Steve Hebert: We'll see.
Stepping into the ring, Declan walks up to Corey Ashton and places his hands on the dented chair. Without a second thought, he plucks the chair frm Corey's hands, making Corey go nose-to-nose with him.
Steve Hebert: Uh oh. That isn't what I wanted to happen.
Lex Robinson: Thanks to Declan, Morgana is able to roll to the floor, which is where officials and medics are finally able to check on her status.
Steve Hebert: Damnit, Ashton, you let her get away!
Lex Robinson: Thankfully so. However, Corey and Declan are face-to-face, with the crowd abuzz over this confrontation.
No violence is exchanged. Instead, Declan calmly throws the chair to the outside, letting the officials escort Morgana to the back. As Corey Ashton steps back, Declan goes into the adjacent corner, while Tj Jones' music plays on the speakers.
Winner: Morgana
Lex Robinson: There's Tj Jones! This match is for the Television Title! You'll have to wonder if Corey Ashton will have enough in the tank, after that grueling battle with Morgana.
Steve Hebert: Considering the post-match beatdown he gave her, I believe so.
Lex Robinson: Those chair shots hit hard to her back.
Steve Hebert: Good. I hope she's crippled. Gravity will finally defeat her. No more of that ninja-like, flippy-doo moves for her.
Lex Robinson: I sure hope not. Either way, Corey will have to focus on Tj Jones, in this match... along with Declan Turner, who was named as special guest referee, at the very last minute.
Steve Hebert: Yeah... how fair is this, anyhow? Declan, the man that set Corey Ashton on fire, is the person officiating this match. Corey Page better have a good explanation about this.
Lex Robinson: Apparently Declan has his eyes set on the Television Title...
Steve Hebert: Look, I love Declan and all; but if he wants that title, he's gonna have to rip it out of Corey's cold, dead hands.
Lex Robinson: Eh, he has to defeat Tj Jones, first.
Steve Hebert: That's a piece of cake.
Ding... ding... ding!
Just as the bell rings, Corey Ashton jets across the ring, attacking Tj from behind.
Steve Hebert: See?! Corey Ashton has the endurance! He gets things done!
Lex Robinson: I can't believe this. He continues his sickening actions by attacking Tj from behind. I mean, Tj wasn't even ready...
Steve Hebert: He's out here, in the ring. What does he think this is? A party? Besides, Corey Ashton loves beating up black people. How could he even resist?!
Lex Robinson: Disgusting. What a son of a bitch.
Steve Hebert: Don't insult the Ashton mother like that! If Corey Ashton's grandmother heard you, she'd beat you to death with her purse.
Lex Robinson: With knees and punches, Corey keeps Tj locked in the corner, his chest facing the turnbuckles. Over and over again, a sweaty Corey Ashton, who is fresh off a difficult match with Morgana, beats the heck out of Tj.
Steve Hebert: Tj is getting flashbacks of being a beaten, bullied kid, I'm sure... or I hope. Just look at his stupid face.
Still trapped in the corner, Tj has nowhere to go, as Corey turns him around, so that he is now hammering him with fists and elbows to the back of his head and neck. Within seconds, Corey whips Tj across the ring, sending him into the opposite corner, where Corey follows in, nailing a manic running-clothesline!
Steve Hebert: Bam! Take that, Tj. Go back to Japan!
Lex Robinson: But... he isn't...
Steve Hebert: Listen, I know I'm rambling. Cut me some slack. What else am I supposed to say about this douchebag?
Lex Robinson: Well...
As Tj stumbles out, fresh off getting stuffed in the corner, Corey sends him flying with a perfectly exectuted release belly-to-belly suplex!
Steve Hebert: I guess you could say Tj is great at flying... because... well... he just flew!
Lex Robinson: That's a point, I guess. Corey Ashton, of course, shows no remorse, as he gets right back up, focusing on Tj.
Steve Hebert: See? That's endurance! Who else can come off having an amazing match and dominate like this?! Not "The Creep"; Not Sebastian York... maybe Stevie Swing... but no one else!
Lex Robinson: Lifting Tj off the canvas, Corey looks at Declan, who remains off to the side, playing the role of an effective referee. Within seconds, Corey begins battering Tj with some kneelifts. He wants that Television Title; as he hasn't even given Tj a chance to provide some offense.
SteVe Hebert: You're damn right. And Declan will let him walk away with it, too. Imagine that. Declan Turner... what a guy.
Lex Robinson: Frankly, I'm amazed that Corey Ashton hasn't clocked Declan about setting him on fire.
Steve Hebert: That was over a year ago! Let bygones be bygones. It's all water under the bridge.
Lex Robinson: ...Even being set on fire?
Steve Hebert: Yes, of course!
Lex Robinson: Eh... Corey lifts Tj back up, only to bring him down again with a snap mare. Seconds later, he unloads with some wicked soccer kicks to Tj's back, which would make David Beckham proud!
Steve Hebert: They prefer to call it "football". Have some class, Lex.
Lex Robinson: Fine. Lifting Tj up, Corey delivers a hard punch to the jaw... and then snap suplexes him!
Steve Hebert: Good! Take 'em down!
Lex Robinson: Taking a deep breath, Corey Ashton gets to a kneeling position, keeping a close eye on Declan Turner, who steps into a nearby corner, watching the match unfold.
Reaching down, Corey goes to pick up Tj, but Jones quickly realizes his predicament, resulting in him going for an inside-cradle!
Lex Robinson: Whoa, wait!
Steve Hebert: Oh shit...!
Seeing this, Declan rushes in, making a fair count.
Lex Robinson: Declan is making the count!
...1...
Steve Hebert: What the...?! No! It's only a one! Corey easily kicks out! Popping to his feet, he sends a cold, angry glare at Declan Turner; and who can blame him? That count was a little fast, if you ask me.
Lex Robinson: Uhm... no, it was actually fair. Go figure.
Steve Hebert: Hmmm... I dunno...
Jumping up, his eyes wide open, Corey sends a quick glance towards Declan, and then turns back to Tj, giving him one quick kick to the head. Grabbing Tj's head, Corey lifts him to his feet, punches him square in the face and backs him against the turnbuckles once more.
Lex Robinson: Corey Ashton strikes with some repeated fists to the face of Tj Jones. Over and over again, he keeps him against the pads, thus prompting Declan to move in, trying to get things centered.
Steve Hebert: Ugh... how dare he?! Corey was beating that douche down!
Lex Robinson: Hey, he's trying to keep it fair. That's quite admirable... I guess... which is actually quite surprising.
Steve Hebert: Declan needs to get on the ball and help Corey Ashton in breaking Tj Jones's spine... kinda like how Corey did with Morgana!
Lex Robinson: Eh... she was able to walk out of here... albeit with some help. She's still ticking... I guess.
Steve Hebert: Goddamnit, will someone hurry up and get crippled, then.
Lex Robinson: If Corey Ashton continues beating down Tj, then it may be him.
Steve Hebert: Good! Don't tease me, Lex, I swear to God.
Slightly annoyed at being lightly shoved away from Tj, Corey bypasses Declan, grabs onto his opponent and lines him up in the center of the ring. After hitting a Russian legsweep, he pops back up, stomps at Tj's skull and moves into the corner.
Steve Hebert: This better be something crippling.
Taking his time to climb the turnbuckle pads, Corey finally gets to the top... not realizing Tj has regained his senses and is back on his feet.
Steve Hebert: Great. I spoke too soon.
Lex Robinson: Tj is up...! He charges in, quickly climbs the ropes... and...
Steve Hebert: Haha! Corey Ashton just simply pushed hm back, knocking him on his ass! Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about.
Having Tj laid out, parallel to him, Corey Ashton sneers and jumps off the top turnbuckle pad, nailing a frog splash onto his opponent! He hooks a leg, looking for the three-count...
Steve Hebert: Here we go! This is it! Get that Television Title ready!
Lex Robinson: Declan is making the count...
...1...2...
Lex Robinson: No! Tj gets his shoulder up, at the very last second!
Steve Hebert: That dumb gorilla! Declan should have counted faster!
Lex Robinson: Now you want him to count faster?
Steve Hebert: Of course! Don't you know I'm a dickhead?!
Lex Robinson: Truest statement you've ever said.
Steve Hebert: Even Corey is hollering for a faster count, too. I don't blame him. Declan must have had a bout with arthritis or something.
Rising to his feet, Corey gets in Declan's face, arguing about wanting a hastier count. Unfortunately, this allows for Tj to get to his feet.
Lex Robinson: Corey Ashton better stop yapping. Right now, Tj Jones is getting up... and he has Corey in his crosshairs.
Steve Hebert: Oh, fuck. Turn around, Corey...
Lex Robinson: Just like that, Tj races towards Corey, just as he turns around... but Corey catches him, grabs onto his head and sweeps him off his feet with a judo legsweep!
Steve Hebert: Yes! Everytime Jones tries to regain the advantage, he is quickly brought back to the reality that Corey Ashton is better than him! I love it.
Reeling back, watching Tj stand to his feet, Corey steps forward, not a hint of hesitation in his steps. Swinging Tj around, he kicks him in the gut, front-facelocks him and...
Lex Robinson: ABC-DDT! Corey Ashton had been haunting him, like some sort of sick predator! And now he hits his move!
Steve Hebert: Yes! Cover him!
Lex Robinson: Slowly, but surely, Corey covers Tj Jones; but not before glancing awkwardly at Declan Turner. Declan is moving in...
Steve Hebert: He's making the count...
...1...
Steve Hebert: Declan strikes the mat once...
...2...
Steve Hebert: Twice... and...
...
Lex Robinson: What the...?
Steve Hebert: He stops! Declan stops the count!
Lex Robinson: What the hell is going on?!
Steve Hebert: I don't friggin' know!
Frustrated, Corey Ashton stands, getting back into Declan Turner's face, howling some unappreciative words at him. As the debate becomes more heated, Declan smirks.
Steve Hebert: Make the goddamn count, Declan. What the motherfuck?!
Lex Robinson: I have no idea what's going on -- but Declan is not counting for Corey Ashton!
Steve Hebert: Oh shit... Corey pushes Declan and points at a fallen Tj Jones. Yelling some words of discouragement towards Corey, Declan stops forward and... oh god...
Lex Robinson: Declan kicks him in the gut! What the heck?! Even the fans don't know how to react!
Double-underlocking both of Corey's arms, Declan flips him up into a powerbomb and drives him down to the canvas with the Celtic Spike!
Lex Robinson: Holy...
Steve Hebert: What the goddamn?!
Lex Robinson: Declan, the referee in this match, has driven Corey Ashton onto the canvas with full-force! Good lord! I... I... what about the match?!
Seconds after Corey is driven into the canvas, Tj Jones gets to his feet, not knowing what's happening in front of him. A second later, Declan also charges at him, nailing him with a running-boot to the side of his skull!
Steve Hebert: Even Tj Jones gets a shot!
Lex Robinson: What is going on?!
Steve Hebert: Declan Turner has taken control of this match... and he isn't even in it!
Lex Robinson: This is goddamn nuts. Declan is beating down Tj Jones, now, as well! Bouncing off the ropes, Declan returns, looking for another kick to the head... but Tj steps out of the way, much to the delight of the crowd! He goes to kick Declan... but Declan latches onto his leg! Oh shoot...
Steve Hebert: "Oh shoot" is right. With Tj's right leg trapped, Declan drags him down with a dragon-legsweep!
Lex Robinson: And he transfer that right into a single-leg Boston Crab, too! He calls that the "Bundle of Thorns"!
In addition to the single-leg crab, Declan pulls back, while jabbing his own knee into Tj's skull, making him furiously tap the mat, in excruciating pain!
Steve Hebert: Tj is tapping out! Give Declan the Television Title!
Lex Robinson: Hell no! Declan isn't officially in this match!
Steve Hebert: But he has that square-headed douchebag tapping out!
In agony, Tj yells out, tapping the mat, unable to withstand the pain. However, the camera soon flashes to the back...
---FLASH---
This hand, of course, belongs to Casanova, who has been unleashing havoc tonight. He drops the referee on the floor, in a bloodied mess, and then rips the pinstriped shirt off him.
Casanova: You won't be needing this...
He observes it and then throws it on, over his body.
Casanova: ...but I will...
Cackling to himself, Casanova swiftly walks away, leaving the referee in a bloodied, half-naked heap.
---FLASH---
Lex Robinson: We're back! Casanova has just knocked out a referee... Declan Turner has taken over this match, despite actually being the referee of this match; oh, and Corey Ashton is still down. We've obviously entered the Twilight Zone.
Steve Hebert: This is goddamn nuts!
Lex Robinson: You can say that again. Tj Jones is hollering out in pain-- and...
"Scream" by Avenged Sevenfold hits!
Lex Robinson: That's... that's Casanova's music!
Steve Hebert: Now what?!
Lex Robinson: Here he is! Here comes Casanova!
Pushing his way through the black curtains, Casanova charges towards the ringside area, donning the referee's shirt, which he took from the poor, hapless, innocent referee. At ringside, he bounds his way up the steps, climbs to the top rope and leaps off before Declan can release the hold on Tj Jones!
Lex Robinson: Carpe Nocturne! That swandive-lariat almost took Declan Turner's skull off!
Steve Hebert: Don't decapitate Declan! Jesus!
Lex Robinson: As a result of that shot, Declan goes spiralling uncontrollably out of the ring!
Steve Hebert: Standing to his feet, Casanova looks down at Declan, who is now on the floor. However, he doesn't notice Corey Ashton get back to his feet.
Lex Robinson: Behind Casanova, Corey Ashton creeps up on him and swings him around. Oh boy, that's not a good idea. With his awareness up, Casanova clenches his glass-taped fist and throws his fist at Corey Ashton's face!
Steve Hebert: No! Corey ducks! Instead, a wobbly, crippled Tj Jones is struck in the face! Blood spurts from his mouth, as he crumples to the ground, allowing for Corey Ashton to fall on him!
Looking at his referee shirt and then at the crowd, Casanova falls down and slaps his hand off the canvas.
...1...
Steve Hebert: I guess Casanova is the official referee now, too!
...2...
Lex Robinson: I... uh...
Steve Hebert: Declan has shrugged his shoulders and remains on the floor, opting not to stop the count...
...3...!
Steve Hebert: Casanova counts Tj Jones's shoulders down!
Lex Robinson: Corey Ashton is the new Television Champion! What a clusterfuck! Holy goddamn!
Steve Hebert: You're telling me!
Just as the three is counted -- by Casanova's own glass-taped fist -- Declan Turner slides inside, targeting the man that attacked him!
Lex Robinson: Declan is back in! He attacks Casanova!
Steve Hebert: This is fucking insane! I don't even know what's going on!
Lex Robinson: All I know is that Corey Ashton has somehow become the new Television Champion! And according to the image of Corey sneakily sliding out of the ring, grabbing the title, that's all right by him.
Steve Hebert: He notices the brawling between Declan Turner and Casanova inside the ring. Wisely, he grabs his title and curtails his time at ringside by walking quickly to the back, amidst the disdain of the fans, those miserable fucks.
Lex Robinson: And those that aren't booing Corey are transfixed on the brawl in the center of the ring between Declan and Casanova! They're going shot-for-shot, both of them even wearing those referee shirts!
Steve Hebert: They're bloody referee shirts, now.
Exiting to the back, Corey Ashton can only look into the ring, seeing Declan and Casanova going back-and-forth, exchanging punches, until neither man can barely stand.
Steve Hebert: Just like earlier, officials are flooding the ring. However, unlike Corey Ashton's very much warranted attack on Morgana--...
Lex Robinson: You're kidding me...
Steve Hebert: ...there is many more officials in the ring. In time, there are dozens of officials in the ring, trying to separate Declan and Casanova, two former World Champions, but it's no use. Somehow, they each manage to scuttle towards each other, trying to beat the life out of the other.
Lex Robinson: Even the referee can't hold back this brawling.
Steve Hebert: It's even funnier with them wearing those referee t-shirts, too.
Lex Robinson: They've spilled out of the ring... and Jesus, they're coming our way!
Steve Hebert: Abandon ship!
Declan and Casanova's brawling take them out to the floor, where they begin fighting next to the announcer's table. As a result, Lex and Steve get out of the way, with both men eventually fighting atop the table.
After mixed punches, they lock-up with each other, with Casanova lifting Declan up... and then spinebustering him through the table! Wooden splinters are everywhere, Declan and Casanova land in a pile, mixed in with their own blood, barely able to move.
This lapse allows for officials to move in and finally separate the duo, getting things back under control, allowing for Lex and Steve to resume their spots at their, uh, broken table.
Placing their headsets back on, Lex is the first to speak up.
Lex Robinson: So much for our table!
Steve Hebert: I have Declan Turner blood on my headset!
Lex Robinson: ...Stop licking it. Jesus.
Steve Hebert: Whoops. My bad.
Casanova and Declan are dragged to the back, allowing for tonight's event to continue.
Winner: Corey Ashton
Main Doctor: Sebastian, you're losing a lot of blood, I don't think you're in any condition to go out there tonight.
Sebastian looks disgusted at what the doctor has told him.
Sebastian York: Doc, I think you're in no position to tell me what to do. Just patch my damn head up, and let me outta here.
Main Doctor: But Mr. York, in your best interest...
Sebastian cuts the doctor off.
Sebastian York: Don't talk about my best interest, Doc, because my best interest is going out there and retaining my title. I won't let that bitter goth be my reason for losing it. I won't.
All the doctor can do is sigh as he and his team continue to patch up a very bloody Sebastian York.
Lex Robinson: Here we are. The final match of the evening is about to get underway!
Steve Hebert: About time!
Lex Robinson: Tonight, we've seen new champions crowned; we've seen spilled blood; and we've seen all-out action. You have to wonder if we'll have the same in this match.
Steve Hebert: Stevie Swing is rumored to be on her period, so we're almost guaranteed blood!
Lex Robinson: Didn't you once say, and I quote, "Lesbians don't bleed."
Steve Hebert: I was wrong, okay? Sheesh.
Lex Robinson: Just checkin'.
Red pyro explodes in the form of two fiery upward torrents from the stage, as Theory Of A Dead Man's "Invisible Man" charges onto the speakers. However, instead of Chris Carson, rabid fans, numbering triple-digits easily, stampede from the entrance and crowd around the ring, just about making the cage shake from the noise alone.
I always know where you are
You never know where I am
You got me sneaking around
Like the invisible man
Carson comes out onto the ramp in mid-chorus, barebacked and oiled up, wrestling tights sharp in a fire-red/ice-blue design. The crowd around the ring, and in the stands as well, turn towards the stage and cheer for Carson, who opts to forgo the middle-finger salute.
You'll never know where I've gone
You've gone and done it again
You've got me sneaking around
Like the invisible man
Another pyro explosion, and Carson starts walking his way towards the ring, but instead of pushing his way through the crowd, the fans have made a path to the cage. Carson looks humbled as he makes his way to the ring. He climbs into the cage and claps his hands for the fans. He climbs a turnbuckle and repeats the clap for the audience, while the "Creepheads" walk to the back.
Steve Hebert: Ugh... there goes the "Creepy Pedophiles", as they're called.
Lex Robinson: Uh, no, Steve. They're the "Creepheads".
Steve Hebert: Well now, that's just the worst name for anything, ever.
Lex Robinson: Aye... anyhow, it's main event time!
Steve Hebert: Wooohooo!
Lex Robinson: "The Creep" is in the ring, ready for another shot at the World Title. Of course, it was around this time last year, that "The Creep" was waging war against Morgana. It's crazy how things can change in just a year.
Steve Hebert: Yeah, earlier, in their face-to-face meeting, he should have punched her pink teeth down her throat. Alas, he didn't. How disappointing.
Darkness cockslaps the arena. “Chick Habit” by April March pumps through the P.A., and a spotlight shines on a pink glass and tissue paper structure that is not unlike…a vagina. There’s a silhouette of a woman on the pink paper, and an image of the one and only Stevie Swing on screen.
Stevie Swing bursts through the vagina to pyro and the booing of the crowd. She ignores them as she makes her way to the ring, amidst a horde of jeers from the fans. Halfway down the entrance, she stops to argue with a row of fans, eventually turning her attention back inside the cage, where we see a voracious Chris Carson rubbing his hands and licking his chops.
Steve Hebert: [standing to his feet, cheering for Stevie] You can do it, Stevie! I believe it!
Lex Robinson: Sit down, for the love of God.
Steve Hebert: Hey, I'm just showing my appreciation. Tonight is the night that Stevie becomes a two-time World Champion; even if she has to plummet from the top of that cage and land on our... uh... broken table.
Lex Robinson: There's not much left for her to land on, unfortunately.
Steve Hebert: Well then, I'll catch her!
Finally, she enters the cage, making sure to keep away from Carson, even making motions, complaining about his stink.
Steve Hebert: He's a decrepit, smelly man. As far as I'm concerned, I'm glad his house burnt down. It would have been even better if his son had died, too. One less Carson in the world, the better.
Lex Robinson: Jesus, that's a little far, don't you think?
Steve Hebert: Not far enough, in my opinion.
All My Life I been searching for something...
Something never comes, never leads to nothing...
Nothing satisfies, but I'm gettin close...
Closer to the prize at the end of the rope
The words MADE FOR TV appear on the screen as the lights in the arena slowly began to dim and "All My Life" by the Foo Fighters progresses on. An array of baby blue lasers shoot into various directions, moving about, in time with the rhythm of the music.
As the song drops in, explosions go off, as Sebastian York makes his way to the top of the ramp, rocking out to the music, holding his World Title high in the air. He hops up and down atop the ramp before bursting into a full sprint towards the ring.
Steve Hebert: Holy shit, it's a living, breathing, walking, talking vagina!
Lex Robinson: It's Sebastian York!
Steve Hebert: Color me confused. I was going by that splotch of blood on his head.
Lex Robinson: You can thank Casanova for that.
Steve Hebert: Kind of like how he's semi-responsible for our broken table.
Lex Robinson: Pretty much, yeah.
To the delight of the crowd, Sebastian York steps through the door of the cage, hands off his World Title, and then has the door shut behind him.
Lex Robinson: All three competitors are in the cage, which is now locked! The only way to get out is to climb over the wall and get to the other side. Of course, the first person to do this will be the World Champion.
Steve Hebert: It'll be Stevie.
Lex Robinson: Will it Sebastian York, the current champ?
Steve Hebert: Not goddamn likely. If I have to look at his queer frosted-tip hair anymore, I'll kill myself.
Lex Robinson: Or will "The Creep" Chris Carson finally walk out as a champion?
Steve Hebert: Speaking of killing myself...
Lex Robinson: Or perhaps Stevie Swing will become a two-time champion.
Steve Hebert: Yes, that's more like it.
Lex Robinson: Well, we're going to see in just a few moments.
All three competitors remain in place, eyeing the other. When the bell rings, neither person moves, opting to keep a close eye on each other.
Lex Robinson: Alright, here we go. The trio inches closer to each other. We're getting things started.
Steve Hebert: Err... well, no one's moving. Wait... wait... Stevie Swing moves!
Lex Robinson: Stevie turns and begins to immediately climb the cage, catching "The Creep" and Sebastian York by surprise!
Steve Hebert: Haha, yes! She's going to outwit them and win this match, right away!
Lex Robinson: ...Not quite.
Upon seeing Stevie climb the cage, both York and Carson rumble towards her. In unison, they grab onto her pants and rip her down off the cage, shocking her.
Steve Hebert: Damnit! They rip Stevie off the cage. Luckily for her, she begins striking right away, nailing York and Carson with a flurry of punches. She's going nuts!
Lex Robinson: Indeed she is! She nails York with a punch to the temple, turns around and then forearms an incoming "Creep". Next, she takes both York and Carson and smashes their head together, resulting in a double noggin' knocker!
Steve Hebert: A negro knocker?
Lex Robinson: Stevie kicks York in the stomach, then strikes with an elbow to "The Creep"'s face. Focusing solely on Carson, now, Stevie repeatedly kicks him, until he's jammed in the corner, unable to make his way out. However, Sebastian York comes in, interrupting things.
Steve Hebert: My God, what a douchebag.
Lex Robinson: York, the World Champ, spins Stevie around and headlocks her. That'll simmer her down, for sure.
Steve Hebert: But she's striking at his ribcage, digging her tiny fists in like broomsticks. Even clawing her fingernails into York's side, Stevie tries to remove herself from his clutches, but this gives Carson some time to stumble out, like a drunken, angry old man.
Lex Robinson: Yup, "The Creep" comes bumbling out, grabbing onto Sebastian York, applying a side-headlock of his own.
Steve Hebert: Thankfully, that idiot, Carson, allows for Stevie to escape Sebastian's clutches. Even better is that it allows for Stevie to bounce off the nearest set of ropes and return with a running-dropkick to "The Creep", which then enables York to back-suplex him! Now all Stevie needs to do is to give York a fine kick-to-the-face, as well.
Lex Robinson: Well, just as York goes to stand, Stevie strikes with a kick, which temporarily knocks the oxygen out of Sebastian. After some backhand chops, she knocks him against the ropes, where she begins clawing at his forehead, hoping to open that fleshwound.
Steve Hebert: Rip it open, just like a bloody vagina. Now that's a good idea.
Against the ropes and the side of the cage, York is struck several more times by Stevie, who focuses on the cut on his forehead. However, Chris Carson saves him, thanks to sneaking up on Stevie, delivering a clubbing blow to her back.
Lex Robinson: "The Creep" actually makes the save for Sebastian York.
Steve Hebert: Christ, "The Creep" can't do anything right. If he was smart, he'd lay back and let Stevie and Sebastian beat each other down.
Lex Robinson: He's a fighter, Steve. Of course he's going to get into the mix of things. For example, here he is, hitting Stevie with a bionic-elbow. On top of that, he headbutts Stevie, for the second headbutt issued out in this match. On top of that, he holds onto her hair and swings her viciously into the wall of the cage!
Steve Hebert: No pun intended, either, I'm sure.
Lex Robinson: Yep!
Steve Hebert: Ugh... she's getting her head battered off that cage. This is awful.
Lex Robinson: Over and over again, "The Creep" smashes her face off the steel wall. It isn't until Sebastian York creeps up that he stops.
Steve Hebert: All right, no more puns for you, young man.
From behind, Sebastian turns Carson around, giving him a bunch of feral punches, even coupling in some kicks. Backing Carson against the ropes, he whips him out, looking for a clothesline, with "The Creep" bouncing back, ducking beneath it.
Lex Robinson: Here comes "The Creep", but he ducks underneath York's attempted clothesline. Grabbing York from behind, he brings him down with a hangman's neckbreaker!
Steve Hebert: If only he had actually hanged York, too.
LeX Robinson: Kinda like how he hanged Stevie?
Steve Hebert: Exactly like that! I mean, you can still even see the rope burns around her neck!
Lex Robinson: Speaking of Stevie, here she comes, upset about having her face grinded into the steel wall.
Steve Hebert: Rightfully peturbed, might I add.
Just as Carson goes to rise, Stevie batters him with a flurry of kicks. Keeping Carson on his hands and knees, Stevie bounces off the nearest set of ropes, jumps onto "The Creep"'s back... and leaps onto the side of the cage!
Steve Hebert: Look at that jump! Jesse Owens would be proud, if he wasn't rotting in his grave.
Lex Robinson: Like a scared rat, Stevie Swing scurries up the side of the cage, trying to find freedom and trying to find that World Title. However, "The Creep" will have none of that. As fast as she jumps off his back, he gets up, grabs her foot and pulls her back to the ground.
Steve Hebert: He's the ruiner of everything that's fun.
Lex Robinson: Sending fists into Stevie's face, Carson is again unaware of Sebastian York. Going for one more punch, Carson pulls back, only to have York grab onto his arm and angrily swing him around.
Steve Hebert: That entire phrase was full of puns. I'm warning you.
Lex Robinson: Delivering a short side-kick to Carson's gut, Sebastian York bounces off the ropes, looking to deliver a clothesline. However, "The Creep" ducks and Sebastian accidentally clotheslines Stevie Swing!
Steve Hebert: There's no such thing as accidents. That was all on purpose! What a shady duo.
Lex Robinson: Either way, I'm sure they're both content with that. At least I know the fans are, as they let out a cheer, just as Stevie falls on her back.
Going straight from Stevie to "The Creep", Sebastian York begins to relentlessly pound away on the elder "Creep". These shots overwhelm Chris, who backs into the corner, unable to fire back a shot of his own.
Lex Robinson: Chris Carson, unable to stop the shots from Sebastian York, huddles in the corner--...
Steve Hebert: Cowering... like a coward...
Lex Robinson: Not quite. These shots from York keep Carson cornered, frustrating him. York even opts to deliver some kicks to the side of Chris Carson, soon deciding to Irish-whip him across the ring. However, at the last second, "The Creep" reverses the whip!
Steve Hebert: Sebastian York is sent across the ring, though! Like a goddamn snake -- which I know he is -- York climbs the turnbuckles, without using his hands. On top of that, he begins climbing the cage's wall.
Lex Robinson: "The Creep" is about to move in and stop that, but Stevie Swing gets in his way!
Steve Hebert: What the goddamn!
As Chris Carson goes to jet across the ring, Stevie takes his legs out with a sit-down dropkick, sweeping him off his face! Landing on his face, Carson is privy to Stevie bouncing off the ropes and using his back as a springboard, once again.
Steve Hebert: Yes! It all makes sense now.
Lex Robinson: Landing on the cage, next to Sebastian York, she gives Sebastian some hard elbows and chops. However, when Sebastian fires back with some punches of his own, Stevie... uh... acts like she has just been struck by a brick.
Steve Hebert: She's barely hanging on! Oh dear...!
Lex Robinson: Uh, those shots were obviously not that hard. In fact, it seems like she's taunting Sebastian York, if anything.
Steve Hebert: Don't be silly. Look at Sebastian York's big, meaty, rock-like hands!
Sebastian fires another punch to Stevie, who pretends to hang off the cage, teetering for her life. Seconds later, Stevie rolls her eyes and simply eye-gouges York, temporarily blinding him.
Steve Hebert: And Stevie handles that with a good, old fashioned eye-poke! She took a page from my playbook. I taught her that.
Lex Robinson: I'm sure you did.
From the side, Stevie grabs onto Sebastian. With effort, Stevie Russian legsweeps Sebastian York off the side of the cage, sending them both crashing to the canvas!
Lex Robinson: Russian legsweep... and they both go crashing down!
Steve Hebert: Okay, so maybe that wasn't that great an idea, afterall.
In a fierce display, Chris Carson lifts both opponents to their feet. Throwing Stevie into one corner, he turns to Sebastian and then whips him into the opposite corner.
Lex Robinson: "The Creep" delivers a running-forearm into the corner, keeping Sebastian grounded. Turning around, he side-headlocks York and charges into the opposite corner, aiming for Stevie with Sebastian's head...
Steve Hebert: Hell no! Stevie leans back and gets both of her feet up, striking "The Creep" in the face! As he stumbles back, this gives her the chance to apply a 3/4 facelock, and then uses Sebastian York to kick herself into the air...!
Lex Robinson: She backflips over "The Creep", thanks to some assistance from Sebastian York, driving Carson into the mat! Unfortunately, her assistance from Sebastian York soon backfires...
Steve Hebert: Only because the bastard runs at her and knees her in the friggin' face with a Shining Wizard!
Lex Robinson: With extra shine, too!
Steve Hebert: Oh my Jesus, shut up.
Seeing both of her opponents grounded, a dazed Stevie Swing stands to her feet, looks over her shoulder and commences ascending the side of the cage. However, at the halfway mark, she notices "The Creep" beginning to stand.
Lex Robinson: Stevie Swing is climbing the cage; but "The Creep" is up! He isn't going to let this happen.
Steve Hebert: Incorrect--...
Stevie Swing moonsaults off the halfway part of the cage, vaulting down onto Chris Carson!
Steve Hebert: Stevie isn't going to let any shit happen! She just pancaked Chris Carson into the canvas!
Lex Robinson: Everyone in the match is down! The first two people to rise are Stevie Swing and Sebastian York, who actually go to opposite ends of the cage, where they attempt to climb.
Steve Hebert: Climb, Stevie, climb!
Stevie is about to ascend the side of the cage, taking several steps up, when she looks over her left shoulder, noticing Sebastian York also climbing. Hopping down, she traverses across the ring, chases up behind York and gleefully punches him between the legs!
Steve Hebert: Yes! What a shot! A nutcracker, even!
Lex Robinson: Oh God... that punch. Sebastian didn't see it coming.
Steve Hebert: With any luck, that will rule out any more York children.
York is left hanging from the side of the cage, reeling in pain, holding his crotch with his left hand. As he dangles from the side of the cage, he tries to ward Stevie Swing off with some left-legged kicks, but she's able to latch on and begin yanking him down.
Steve Hebert: Pull, Stevie! Pull like you've never pulled before!
Lex Robinson: Her pulling successfully yanks York down... only to have him crotch himself on the ropes!
Steve Hebert: Dear lord, it just gets better. I think I just came in my women's panties!
Lex Robinson: Oh dear.
As Sebastian is hanging on the ropes, Stevie moves in for the kill. Climbing up the side of the cage, Stevie begins pounding away at Sebastian's skull, focusing on the cut that had been made by Casanova.
Lex Robison: Widening the cut on Sebastian's skull, Stevie furiously smacks away at the fleshwound. Hell, as York hangs there, Stevie begins smacking the champ's head off the side of the steel cage, re-opening the wound!
Steve Hebert: Yes! Smother that douche in his own blood!
In the meantime, Chris Carson lays across the ring, in the opposite corner, breathing in some oxygen, regaining his strength. Watching the scene unfold, he sees blood begin dripping down York's face, making him lust for some violence.
Lex Robinson: Silently, Chris Carson comes walks up on Sebastian and Stevie, deciding to climb up alongside them. Up here, he grabs Stevie from behind, stopping her from beating down Sebastian. With a handful of hair, Chris Carson sends Stevie Swing flying off the ropes and cage, dropping her on her face!
Steve Hebert: That cocksucker!
Lex Robinson: Alternatively, Chris Carson begins unloaded on Sebastian York with shots of his own!
Steve Hebert: Well, I guess that redeems him.
Lex Robinson: Rapidly punching away at Sebastian's head, "The Creep" even bites at the wound!
Steve Hebert: Who does he think he is, Casanova?!
Halfway across the ring, Stevie Swing gets back to her feet and charges into the adjacent set of ropes. Springboarding off them, she soars back, striking both Sebastian York and Chris Carson with a back-springboard dropkick!
Lex Robinson: Stevie with a missile dropout, out of nowhere!
Steve Hebert: She came springing back, like some sort of Jewish slinkee. What makes it even better is that she connects with smelly ol' Chris Carson; and that bloody vagina, Sebastian York!
Lex Robinson: Going back and forth, Stevie commences stomping on both men, even nailing York with some brutal kicks to the wound! Stomping over and over again, she viciously tries to maim him--...
Steve Hebert: Which is good. It's about time someone did it. I don't think I could last having to see him carry around that prestigious World Title.
Lex Robinson: Seriously?
Steve Hebert: No, not really. That title's been passed around like a dirty whore... like Morgana! As for not wanting to look at Sebastian York... well, who could? I mean, I know I'm a French-Canadian slob, but Jesus, look at this guy!
Looking at the blood on her wrestling boots, which came from York's forehead, Stevie turns around, noticing Chris Carson climb back into the ring section. Right away, she charges at him, catching him with a running-kick to the groin!
Steve Hebert: Testicle punches and kicks for everyone; including Chris Carson!
Lex Robinson: And as he hunches down, Stevie steps on him, using him as a stepladder to climb onto the side of the cage. Slowly, but surely, Stevie climbs up the side of the cage, getting boos from everyone in the audience!
Steve Hebert: The jeers don't faze her, though; she continues to climb!
Lex Robinson: The person whom she uses as a stepladder is slowly getting up, though. He notices her ascent, too. Reaching upward, Carson grabs onto Stevie's ankle, refusing to let go as she wiggles and squirms, trying to free herself!
With the fans in a frenzy, cheering for "The Creep", he begins climbing the side of the cage, beating on the back of Stevie, from behind. He tries to climb up alongside her, but her writhing is enough to keep him down a few rungs, making sure she's a few steps ahead of him.
Lex Robinson: "The Creep" is up with Stevie Swing! If only Sebastian York can rise, he could climb the other wall of the cage and retain his title!
Steve Hebert: But that douchebag is in a pile, in the corner, bleeding out of his forehead. What's he gonna do?
Lex Robinson: I have no idea. Although, I do know what Chris Carson is doing... and that's jabbing a knee into Stevie Swing's back, as she leans against the wall of the cage! As a matter offact, halfway up the side of the cage, Chris Carson applies a modified version of The Silencer!
Steve Hebert: No!
Lex Robinson: Oh, yes! He has it latched in! There's no escaping from Stevie Swing, who can only hang on for safety! She can't even remove a hand to tap out, out of fear of plummeting to the canvas!
With one hand holding onto the side of the cage, and the other bending Stevie's head back, Carson pulls back, hoping to wear Stevie down. However, he's unaware of Sebastian York wiping the blood from his forehead and eyes, enabling him to rise.
Steve Hebert: Here comes Sebastian York! I can't believe how glad I am to say that, too! Ugh... sickening.
Lex Robinson: He should have tried to make an escape!
Steve Hebert: York's not a genius. Let him save Stevie! That's all I care about.
Using the cage to climb beneath Stevie and "The Creep", the World Champ climbs up, enabling him to slide between both of his opponent's legs. Placing them both on his shoulders, into an Electric Chair position, he falls backward, sending all three competitors falling to the canvas!
Lex Robinson: My God!
Steve Hebert: York holds Carson and Stevie on his shoulders... only for everyone to go plummeting back onto the canvas! I think they're all dead!
Lex Robinson: What a fall -- for all three competitors! Holy cow! All three lay in the ring, barely able to move!
As everyone lays comatosa in the ring, the fans chant for their respective favourite. Some cheer for Sebastian York, the World Champ; while others rally behind Chris Carson. When the world champ is the first to rise, his fans really roar out in support, gladly cheering as he crawls towards the cage's wall.
Lex Robinson: Sebastian crawls out of the mess of bodies; and with vigor, he begins pulling himself up the cage wall.
Steve Hebert: As opposed to his normal routine of "just pulling himself."
Rung by rung, Sebastian begins ascending to the top of the cage. As he's about 3/4 of the way up, "The Creep" begins to stir.
Lex Robinson: "The Creep" is up, now; and he's eyeing York, who is nearing the top of the cage!
Steve Hebert: With any luck, they'll both manage to kill each other.
Like York before him, Carson crawls towards the cage wall. Using it to lift himself up, he looks up at York, who is almost at the top. Suddenly, "The Creep" begins to recklessly shake the wall of the cage!
Lex Robinson: "The Creep"'s shaking the cage wall! This has unfocused Sebastian York, who has become tangled in the rungs! Using this time, Chris Carson begins climbing the side of the cage, with his fans egging him on!
Eagerly climbing the cage, Chris Carson inches his way up, his eyes transfixed on Sebastian York, who is trying to untangle himself. Unfortunately for the World Champ, "The Creep" is soon at his level, exchanging blows and chops with him!
Lex Robinson: Chris Carson and Sebastian York are fighting at the top of the cage!
Steve Hebert: Meanwhile, a groggy Stevie Swing has risen to her feet, as well! Get up there, Stevie! Stop them from climbing down!
At the top of the cage, both Carson and York put their leg over on the other side of the wall. Sadly, neither man can get the rest of their body over; partially thanks to the blows they give each other.
Steve Hebert: With bloody drippy down his ugly, stupid, douchey face, Sebastian York is fighting off "The Creep"'s advances.
Lex Robinson: Steve Hebert: Yes! Get up there! Show them why you're going to become a two-time World Champion!
Stevie goes hand-over-fist, quickly climbing to the top, blindsiding Carson and York, who don't see her take a spot at the top of the cage. Up here, she stands behind Chris Carson, who faces York, sending punches back and forth to each other!
Lex Robinson: Chris Carson and Sebastian York are going tit-for-tat.
Steve Hebert: Speaking of tits, Stevie Swing begins fighting with Carson, hitting him from behind with some punches! "The Creep", being the shitdick he is, looks over his shoulder and begins firing some elbows to Stevie, who can barely hang on!
Lex Robinson: Stevie nearly fell out of the ring! Imagine that.
Steve Hebert: It'd be a worthy disaster, as long as she walks out with the title!
Lex Robinson: "The Creep" is on top of things, though! He strikes York with a punch; nails Stevie with some elbows; and then gives Sebastian some heabutts, smearing York's blood onto his forehead! At the top of the cage, Chris Carson places York's arm around his neck... and... oh my...
Steve Hebert: Oh God...
Lex Robinson: "C.C. Bomb" from the top of the cage!
Steve Hebert: Oh God!
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York and Chris Carson fall all the way to the canvas, gravity working its magic!
Steve Hebert: This leaves Stevie Swing alone at the top, too! Yes! Climb out, Stevie! You know you want to! You can smell the title! Do it!
Hanging at the top of the cage, after suffering through a back-and-forth slugfest, a dizzy Stevie Swing tries to balance herself.
Steve Hebert: C'mon, Stevie, get down here!
Stevie looks to the floor, knowing the World Title is within her grasps.
Lex Robinson: She just needs to climb down! Of course, these fans are not liking this!
Steve Hebert: C'mon, Stevie! Do it! The World Title is waiting for you! It wants to get away from Sebastian York's slimy, semen-encrusted waist!
On the other hand, Stevie looks into the ring, seeing Sebastian York lined up in front of her.
Steve Hebert: Get down here!
It's time to choose.
Lex Robinson: Wait... wait...!
Steve Hebert: Stevie Swing jumps off the top of the cage...!
Lex Robinson: ...back into the cage...!
Opting to jump back into the ring, Stevie Swing jumps off, hitting the Shooting Star Press from the top of the cage!
Lex Robinson: Shooting Star Press onto Sebastian York!
Steve Hebert: My Jesus, someone has just died! Probably Stevie... but hopefully Sebastian York! This is goddamn nuts! She just had to climb down and she'd be the champ... but no!
Lex Robinson: First... it was "The C.C. Bomb"; and now this! Sebastian York is going to have trouble recovering from this! Holy crap!
Steve Hebert: I sure as fuck hope so.
Rolling onto his side, holding his ribcage, a bloody Sebastian York shouts out, in obvious pain and agony. Even Carson and Stevie is down, both recovering from massive drops from the cage.
Lex Robinson: All three combatants have beaten the absolute hell out of each other. I'm surprised if they can even stand.
Steve Hebert: Someone's going to be goddamn crippled after this match, I can almost guarantee it. Of course, "The Creep" is pretty much old and crippled already, so my prediction is pretty much true.
While the three competitors lay on the canvas, pair surging through their body, the attention of all the fans turn to the backstage area, where Corey Ashton is shown walking down from the back.
Lex Robinson: What's he doing here?! He's had his two matches tonight. He should be hitting the showers!
Steve Hebert: It looks like he already has. Besides, he's Chris Carson's teammate... you know, the Sultans of Sin!
Lex Robinson: Yeah, and he's carrying a steel chair, as well.
Coming to the ring with the steel chair -- the same one he dented across Morgana's back, Corey Ashton stands at ringside, cheering on Chris Carson.
Steve Hebert: You know, I'd really like to take this time to let Corey Ashton know that he needs a better partner. I mean, look at Corey... holding that Television Title. What does "The Creep" have? His dignity? Hell no, that's long gone. He has nothing to his name, except for his stupid son, who should be dead, anyhow. Corey really needs to 'move on up'.
Lex Robinson: I can't believe you're saying this... all while Carson is in the ring, in the midst of a battle.
Steve Hebert: Some things just need to be said.
Lex Robinson: Even so, Corey Ashton continues to holler for "The Creep", who is getting to his feet. When he's up, he hovers over Stevie Swing, who is shuffling around, trying to regain her senses.
As she moves around, the camera zooms in on Stevie reaching into her pants. In a quick motion, she spins around, igniting a flame, which goes straight for Chris Carson's face!
Lex Robinson: Holy... shi--...
Steve Hebert: Wow! Yes! I have no idea where that came from; but yes!
Lex Robinson: "The Creep" may have been blinded by that fireball! How the hell?!
Steve Hebert: Stevie was obviously hiding a big ball of fire in her vagina.
Lex Robinson: Corey Ashton certainly isn't too fond of that. If you go back to about a year ago, it was him that was on the brunt of a flame, that nearly scorching his entire body.
Steve Hebert: But he got over it, didn't he? He mean Morgana to death; so much so, that she couldn't walk to the back under her own strength. He came out on top.
Lex Robinson: The grimace on his face tells otherwise, as he smacks his hand off the cage, calling out for Chris Carson.
An evil smile spreads thinly across Stevie's lips, as she staggers to her feet, breathing hard. Taking a gander at Chris Carson, who has fallen to his knees, while holding his hands to his eyes, in the corner, she turns towards one of the steel walls.
Lex Robinson: Chris Carson has been blinded! This is not good for his sake!
Steve Hebert: But it's excellent for Stevie Swing, who is now mounting the cage!
Lex Robinson: Both Sebastian and Carson are down, unable to stop her. She's almost halfway up the side of the wall.
Out of nowhere, a steel chair blasts against the side of the cage, smacking Stevie in the knuckles!
Steve Hebert: Wait... what the shit?! Corey Ashton blasts the chair across the cage, dropping Stevie Swing back to the mat! What the hell?!
Lex Robinson: He shouldn't be down here, interfering like that; but he's trying to aide his partner, Chris Carson, I guess!
Lex Robinson: Listen... goddamnit... just listen. He needs to back off and let Stevie climb that cage!
Shaking her knuckles, Stevie returns to attempting to climb the cage. Yet again, Corey Ashton smashes the side of the steel wall, resulting in Stevie having to drop back down!
Steve Hebert: Stop it! Let Stevie climb!
Lex Robinson: He's trying to get "The Creep" back into things!
Steve Hebert: "The Creep" is down, with his eyes possibly glazed over, unable to see. He's not gonna be able to do anything!
Lex Robinson: For the third time, Stevie attempts to exit the steel cage; but Corey Ashton strikes the wall once more!
Visibly shaken and angered, Stevie Swing mouths some words of discouragement at Corey Ashton! As a result, she is unaware of Sebastian York, who has risen behind her, holding his ribcage.
Lex Robinson: Stevie is backing into Sebastian York, who has gotten back to his feet. Sebastian, in a world of pain, disregards the hurting and agitation, and instead, lifts her up into a standing fireman's carry! He hits "Made For TV"!
Stevie sells the move as if she has just been massacared. Landing on her face, she pops back up, jumps around, wiggles, falls flat on her face, squirms around and convulses!
Steve Hebert: No! What the Jesus?! Why?! Corey Ashton, what were you thinking?! Why couldn't Stevie run off when it was actually needed?! Ugh!
As Carson lays in the corner, still holding his eyes, Sebastian York gets to a kneeling position. Wiping the blood from his face, Sebastian crawls against the cage, using the wall to help him stand.
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York may be dizzy, but he's on his feet. Walking into the corner opposite of Chris Carson, he begins ascending...
Steve Hebert: Corey Ashton is up on the side of the cage, holdong onto him, though! Some of the fans are certainly not liking this!
Lex Robinson: First it was Stevie; and now it's Sebastian York! Corey Ashton is really going all out to try and get his Sultan of Sin ally to win the World Title!
Steve Hebert: Almost too far! How dare he stop Stevie Swing?!
In the opposite corner, Chris Carson stands to his feet and turns around, showing off his singed hair. His face is a little burnt, but he disregards it, as he runs from one end of the ring to the other, using Stevie Swing as a stepping stone on the way!
Steve Hebert: Hey! He walked on Stevie's chest!
Lex Robinson: But he travels right on over to Sebastian York, jumping on him from behind, peppering him with fists! Dragging York back into the center of the ring, Carson drives his bloody head facefirst into the steel wall! He turns around and sends York into the other side of the cage, as well!
Steve Hebert: I'm just glad that closet-case is bloodied!
Irish-whipping York into the ropes, Carson catches him on the rebound, swings around and launches him facefirst into the steel wall! Blood gushes out of the wound on York's head, as he can only lean against the steel rungs, unable to move!
Lex Robinson: Chris Carson has laid Sebastian York out! He's looking up the side of the cage, wanting to climb out of that steel structure!
The fans stand on their feet, watching with glee, as "The Creep" ascends the side of the cage. He's over halfway up, when Sebastian York, full of his own blood, knocks some sense into himself and begins chasing after him.
Lex Robinson: Sebastian York is climbing after "The Creep", as well. If you remember back to last year, these two were feuding on-and-off, even wrestling in junkyards.
Steve Hebert: They may have shook hands a few months ago, but that rivalry has never died. Sebastian has to be thinking of the past as he continues climbing up, reaching out to Chris Carson, who is now at the top!
Lex Robinson: We can't forget about Stevie Swing in all of this, either! Back in the ring, she is staggering to her feet, finally becoming aware of Carson and York, who are slugging it out at the top of the cage. The World Champ better watch out -- the last time those two were in this position, it resulting in Sebastian being C.C. Bombed to the canvas.
Steve Hebert: They've seemingly forgotten about Stevie Swing, too! Stevie actually climbs the same wall as the cripple and the frosty-haired douche!
All 3 combatants eventually reach the top, returning to a position they were formerly in. Carson and York are too entangled with each other, not noticing that Stevie Swing has slipped to the outer portion of the apron and is beginning to descend!
Steve Hebert: Stevie has made it to the other end of the cage! She's going to do it! She's climbing down!
Lex Robinson: Chris Carson realizes this! Turning his attention away from York, he begins to climb down, as well! As a matter of fact, he makes his way towards Stevie... while Sebastian York has also started climbing down! This is a mad-scramble!
Steve Hebert: Uh oh...
Lex Robinson: All three of them are climbing down... who will be the first to touch the ground?!
Arriving next to Stevie, who is 1/4 of the way down, Carson grabs onto her hair, hoping to exact revenge on her by repeatedly smashing her face off the cage!
Lex Robinson: "The Creep" is fighting! But he needs to climb down, which is exactly what Sebastian York is doing!
To amend this, Corey Ashton jumps back onto the cage, trying to keep Sebastian pushed against the side of the cage. Exhausted, Sebastian can barely fight Corey off, resulting in Sebastian trying to fix his positioning.
Steve Hebert: Actually, thank God for Corey Ashton! If he weren't out here, Sebastian York would have easily climbed down! Phew!
Lex Robinson: I guess you're okay with him interrupting Stevie.
Steve Hebert: Only for now. As long as the pederast there gets nowhere.
Having a handful of Stevie Swing's hair in his hand, Chris Carson begins dragging her back to the top of the cage. In due time, all three of them are back at the top, with Chris Carson sandwiched between his two opponents.
Lex Robinson: Up top, Carson hammers Stevie with some fists. However, he doesn't turn away from Sebastian York. Cautiously, he takes a step down to a lower rung, so that he can climb towards him, striking him with some headbutts!
Steve Hebert: This has freed up Stevie Swing, though!
Lex Robinson: ...Except for the fact that Stevie is in no condition to climb. As a matter of fact, she is hanging upside-down from the top of that cage, leaning back in the ring, with just her legs. She's one misstep away from falling back to Earth.
As Carson and York headbutt and swat at each other, Stevie finds the energy she needs to pull her back into place. Using her leg strength, she straightens herself at the top of the cage, tilts her head to the right and notices Carson brawling with Sebastian, from a bottom rope.
Lex Robinson: Stevie Swing is up to something...
Steve Hebert: Hopefully it involves going down... as in going to the floor; and not going down on, say, Morgana.
Lex Robinson: It could be both!
At the top of the cage, Stevie stands on the edge. Literally the edge. At this point, she decides she will take both Carson and York out, going for a kamikaze mission.
Lex Robinson: What the...?
Steve Hebert: What the goddamn?!
Lex Robinson: Stevie Swing is standing on the edge of the cage... she... she... runs across the top of the cage... is she insane?!
Steve Hebert: She leaps at both men!
Realizing this, Carson is able to duck down, thanks to having a lower position. Unfortunately for Sebastian York, Stevie pries onto him, giving him a super hurricana... from the top of the steel cage!
Lex Robinson: Stevie Swing runs across the cage... and hurricanranas Sebastian York from the top of it! Wow!
Steve Hebert: No! She was supposed to take down Carson, too! But he ducked! This is not right!
"The Creep", realizing his fortunate situation, steps over the top of the cage and begins to climb down.
Steve Hebert: No! This can't be it!
In the ring, Sebastian York and Stevie Swing are immobile. Chris Carson, alternatively, is climbing down the side of the cage.
Lex Robinson: "The Creep" is climbing down! He's going to do it! We're going to have a new World Champion!
Steve Hebert: This is the worst. Fucking awful... no!
The fans are on their feet, watching as Chris Carson descends. No one can stop him now. There's no Stevie Swing to get in his way. Sebastian York's ribcage prevents him from moving. It's all down to him.
Lex Robinson: He's almost there... so close...
DING... DING... DING
The bell rings as Chris Carson jumps off the side of the cage, planting his two feet on the floor!
Lex Robinson: He's done it! Chris Carson has finally become the World Champion! Holy lord goddamn!
Steve Hebert: Ughhhhhhhhhhhh.
Lex Robinson: The fans are on their feet, they can't believe what has happened! They're cheering in honor of "The Creep"!
Corey Ashton snatches the World Title from the ring attendant's table. Circling around the caged ring, he walks over to Chris Carson, holding both the World Title and the Television Title in his hand.
Steve Hebert: I would have almost rathered Douchey McGee winning than this...
Lex Robinson: Chris Carson has finally become the World Champ! This is for junior! This is for all the fans!
Steve Hebert: Actually, the corpse of Heath Ledger would be a better champion than Sebastian York. Actually, fuck everything. I hate life right now.
Lex Robinson: You're the only one... because everyone is on their feet, cheering! What a show we've witnessed tonight! What a way to celebrate Sin Wrestling fifth birthday!
Corey Ashton goes to hand the World Title over to "The Creep", who is breathing hard, trying to figure out the reality of the situatio. Carson goes to pull away, but Corey hangs onto the title, teasing his desire to hold it a little longer. After several seconds, though; Chris Carson is given the World Title, which he holds into the air, much to the delight of the fans!
Lex Robinson: What a sigh... what a match... what a show! Happy birthday, Sin Wrestling; and congratulations to Chris Carson!
As the cage is lifted into the air, a bloody Sebastian York rolls to the floor, holding his ribs, coughing up some blood. With some help, he is whisked to the back, leaving an agitated Stevie Swing behind.
Stevie, who is barely able to stand, thanks to an injured tailbone, tries to get at Chris Carson, wanting to ruin his celebration and take his title. However, with her energy running low, she is whisked to the back by officials.
When the cage is completely lifted into the air, Chris Carson rolls into the center of the ring, celebrating in front of the fans. The final image of tonight's broadcast is that of Chris Carson holding the World Title high into the air, the announcer's silent, letting him celebrate his moment, with the fans cheering him on.
Fade out.
Winner: Chris Carson
Sebastian York: Sin Wrestling... I came... I saw... I conquered.
His eyes show the spirit of a broken warrior, the pain of the events that occurred earlier in the night are etched onto his face. He slowly flashes a half-hearted smile as he pushes open the exit door.
As he steps outside, he is greeted by two uniformed police officers, as well as a swarm of photographers and members of the media. He shields his eyes from the array of flashing lights, as one of the officers walks up to him.
Police Officer: Sebastian York, you are under arrest for conspiracy to commit murder.
He grabs both of York's hands, places them behind his back and cuffs him. The other officer opens the squad car door, as Sebastian is walked through the parade of flashing lights and tossed into the vehicle. The officers wave off the media and get into the car, which starts up slowly and drives off.
The final image of the night is that of a glum and confused Sebastian York looking out the backdoor window of the car.
Fade out.